Sometimes Irony Is Stranger Than Fiction

So me and Steven are breaking up. Its become this weird and awkward drawn out process and under any other circumstances having the knowledge that my bf is niether attracted to me or in love with me would be plenty enough reason to break up with him... buttttttttttt... E-baby is in love with him (which really is an understatement since at any moment in the day that the two are in eachothers company they are running around like to crazy.. chasing eachother and othewise acting like mad scientist. If I had to guess the reasons why he has been around this long I would say it has something to do with how much he loves Ethan.. He will still be a part of Ethans life (I imagine till he gets a new gf as I have my doubts about her approval of him spending a lot of time with his exgf's son).

some of the ironic points...

1. I finallly have a relationship with a man that is calm and relaxed (no yelling no fighting). I was finally really happy.. (mildly ironic).

2. its kind of ironic in its self my bf isnt attracted to me nor is he in love with me (mildly ironic)

3. In my life I finally love myself, and my bf doesnt.. (heh.. id say thats really fucking ironic)

4. Ive been saying for a while now that E-baby and Steven are the 2 most important people in my life, and while Steven and I are breaking up, my ex-husband cuts back on how much time I can spend with my son.. both.. at once.. well.. that might be more than i can accept as just ironic.

5. after an almost year long relationship (and living together for 10+ months I finally change my myspace page to say Im in a relationship.. and guess what.. within days the breakup starts.. (again.. way too ironic to be just chance.. )

so while Ive been working to create peace and happiness in my inner world my outer world has crashed. My entire outer world isnt to shit at the moment, but the 2 most important parts just took a nose dive. dang...

p.s... i really hate the whole 'getting back out there' thing.. dating is such a drag. i need someone who knows my life history to keep around so I dont have to invest any energy in telling my life story again maybe i can get them to do the whole 'geting to know you part for me too'..

p.p.s. Im really tired.. but Im enjoying watching E-baby eat his breakfast while he watches Dora The Explorer.. good stuff!

x
Onie


most fitting song for the occassion: Ugly Casanova 'Barnacles'

i tried to post some cam phone pix but they are some weird type of file and adobe wont open them to make them jpeg... wtf.


x
Onie


p.s... Im just gonna have to be a jerk and not individually respond to all the sweet comments everyone has left cause it feels like to much to catch up on... soo.. i will say thank you to everyone... you are all the sweetest.

p.s.. Im feeling better but I understand why Im not supposed to lift anything over 15lbs.. I had dinner with my son yesterday and he kept asking me to pick him up.. and I dont care how much self control you have... That is impossible to refuse.. I felt like I ripped something.. I need to just follow docs orders till Im better tho..





oh... god... its not over yet... if our bodies are 70% water... what do you think this means...

http://www.wellnessgoods.com/messages.asp


so.. try it.. take some water and pour it into 2 containers.. write a message on 1 container and leave it for a couple hours.. taste them both.. you will be amazed at the difference in taste!

surgery went fine.. my right arm is in a lot of pain .. my viens kept collapsing.. I went out after the second attempt but woke up with a 2 more holes in my arm.. one of which hurt really bad.. so im guessing when i was out they had some issues with it.. tried again.. still no luck.. and moved to the other arm.

I feel like shit but Im recovering.

to everyone who commented on my last journal.. thank you.. ill get to responding when i can.. my right arm and hand hurt to bad to type that much at the moment.. just wanted to let you all know Im okay.

xoxo
Onie

one place i will be

the SG atlanta show in Oct.. stagehand.. awesome.. see me there.


pay $1400 for get out, do not pass go, do not collect $200 (or get back the $2000 deposit).

wish me luck.. I have to go in for surgery tomorrow morning. As could be expected I am really nervous (scared actually).
This past month+ has been really bad. really really bad.. can anyone say.. eviction? Being ill has kept me from working.. which has kept me from making money.. which brings us back to the eviction..

x
Onie

I thought about being a country singer

what the hell else am I gonna do with a head full of paragraph heading.. I have fucking headings that I can fucking use for this shit.. but.. perhaps I could write a country song called 'Eczema Marks the Spot' .. its fucking awesome, right?!! but I dont fucking have Eczema... sure I could probably find some way to link that into a story to tell you folks.. but perhaps I should do something different with these.. perhaps I should become a big time country star.. sure.. I fucking hate country music.. but hey.. I didnt like working a Waffle House (thats a lie.. I fucking loved it actually.. mainly cause I was the only waitress with all my teeth)... but I did it anyways..
I got some other ideas for country music song titles like
If your face smells like shit .. Its cause your head is up your ass
Desserts in my pants
Everything you say sounds muffled when your foots in your mouth

well yeah.. Ive got some other golden gems.. but ya know.. I might suprise you with an album.. dont wanna give too much away..


If You Could Have Guessed This You Will Be Picking My Lotto Numbers From Now On

I decided Im gonna get my GED.. after years of protest.. well.. I changed my mind.. I might even consider going to school after.. who woulda thunk it (and with grammer like that Im sure to pass the test.. is Shizzle in the dictionary now.. cause that will be a hard one to substitue).


Age is Just A Number When Your Under Age

If I had a dollar for every underage boy/girl who has contacted me on myspace thinking Im gonna be interested in their 15 year old ass Id be a rich rich woman... oh yeah.. thats cool you dont have a license.. Ill pick you up.. where did you say your mommy and daddys house was again.. oh thats awesome.. and since your too young to get a job.. Ill just pay for dinner... oh yeah.. whats that.. youre still going thru puberty and you have acne and your voice is cracking.. oh thats no problem.. a face full of zits totally gets me hot.. oh whats that.. youve never actually had sex with a girl before.. oh.. thats totally cool... oh.. wait.. your balls have dropped yet.. no problem.... Age is just a number right..
And when I say... only little kids think age is just a number you wanna get a pissy.. well... youre right.. I must be crazy for not wanting to dump my totally fucking hot boyfriend who not only has a huge fucking dick but just so happens to be intelligent, sweet, funny, and not into drama.. .. yeah.. I must be crazy..


and... uhhhmmmmmm mmmm mmm. . yeah.. thats it for now..

x
Onie


okay.. Im gonna finish up with some pix... first.. I will start with this.. this was done by the_huntster .. this is the first time Ive been drawn in about 4 or so years..





and a super goofy ass picture of me fucking off while I was supposed to be all serious for the last shoot I did... (notice the awesome dirt marks on my stomach from leaning on the machines... fantastic..


and a random pic .. this ones called 'Heaven Help Me'




and yeah.. thats it for now... bye.

Marry Me Mr. Miyagi (and other obscene politically inncorrect statements)

When all the girls were dreaming of the karate kid... I was dreaming of Mr. Miyagi.. I also wanted David Caridy (sp?) from Kung Fu The Legend Continues.. and some things will never change.. now.. what is my facination with the Asian culture.. I will tell you this.. as a little girl I came to the conclusion that every Asian person was some sort of Kung Fu master/ highly enlightened guru. Now.. I know this isnt true... but Ill always have a soft spot for Mr. Miyagi.
Other childhood crushes that were less than ordinary....
Kramer (from Sienfield)
Chris Farley
oh god.. there are a million..
let me jump topocs back to the Asian topic I didnt cover.. Asian women... I fell in love with Asian women was I was 9 or so.. do to the little exposure we had to Asian women at that time (krisy yamaguchi (sp?) the ice skater).. and thats about all i can think of for that time period.. well.. I loved them.. I thought all Asian women were perfect and beautiful and flawless in appearance.. Now.. I know this isnt true.. but isnt it funny how little minds work.. Asian men = guru kund fu master.. all knowing .. Asian women = flawless skin and bodies..
Now.. on to the other pollitically incorrect parts..

Fags.. this is a word.. (just as Nigga is to African Americans) that can only be said from the mouth of a fag to another fag.. now .. i feel there are a select few who have gotten the 'fag pass' and altho straight are allowed to say it.. but perhaps this is how I, as a not black women, can understand why using the word 'nigga' to another African-American person is okay.. see to me.. i think.. god.. thats such a horrible fucking word. .. but i can understand it when a homosexual can call another homosexual a fag without it being derogitory.. why.. because its not said in a manner thats implying that you are less for it. So perhaps.. I am closer now to understanding why they can call eachother that without it being derogitory.. afterall.. I as a gay women have no problem calling a gay friend a fag .. because to me. its not an insult.. but if some dumb fucking yuppi comes over and calls me a fag.. or my friend.. well.. you see where Im going with this..

and more... we cant leave out the cripples .. so i was at a party (a really crappy one at that).. and after this lame ass band plays we go over to this one kids house that was up the street and a comment was made about him hating cripples.. my first instinct.. punch his fucking face in.. why such a strong reaction.. well.. because my mom is a *ahem* cripple.. he said something like 'oh.. i know whats its like.. i was that way for a bit' .. um.. well captain.. obviously you dont know.. cause youd have more sympathy for the struggle if you did.. period. but instead of saying that.. i made a face.. like 'you are the dumbest person ive ever been in the company of... astounding' ..

common ettiqute (sp?)

i believe there is an ettiquete to moving into an Ex's appartment building.. ask first, please.. dont just be like 'im downstairs.. i just looked at apartments.. we might live in the same building' .. its rude.. and if you got dumped thats probably cause the person doesnt want to see you on a daily basis.. just facts.. and it doesnt mean I hate your guts.. and it doesnt mean Im not okay seeing you once every 6 months or so for coffee.. but i dont want to run into you or have to avoid you when Im at home..
so please.. before looking at apartment.. call.. and say hey... i really liked the apartments you live at.. i was considering it as a possiblitiy... what do you think... ' and then listen.. and if there is anything like 'well.. its really expensive' translate that to mean.. 'DONT MOVE IN' ... plus my bf doesnt like you.. and he probably doesnt want to run into everyday either.. and alll i can invision is you stopping by without calling (you know you planned on it) and then me no longer enjoying my amazing home..


The funniest thing ever (to a parent)

so the Ex-ball-n-chain calls me up to tell me something adorable.. the other day he picks up Ethan from daycare... and there is a fire truck outside... he starts wondering if there was a fire or if a kid was hurt.. neither.. apparently they had taught the kids that if there is an emergency and no adults are around (wtf .. no adults around.. cause for concern in my opionion).. that the kids should pull the fire alarm.. so its storming and it thurnders and Ethan gets really scared and .. yep.. you guessed it .. pulls the fire alarm.. soo cute.. Im so in love..

x
Onie

Red Bricks Drop From Her Vagina

or they should be right now... ya know the one time i really want my period its late.. fucking a week late almost.. lame.. I wanna use my fucking diva cup.. com'on people.. (and by people i mean my cervix) work with me here.

To The Person I Hate




if its not about us, and clearly its not anymore... try to base your decisoins off whats best for the person you are supposed to love.. period..

Outta Town.. Outta Touch

So Stevens in FL at a friends wedding.. I suppose thats using the word friend losely as he doesnt consider him a good friend or anything.. so why go to FL? dont know.. but whatever.. he is weird and I rarely understand his method to his obvious madness .. but he did call this time.. he doesnt know why I like him to call me when hes out of town.. but he did it cause he knows I like it.. and theres something to be said about that.. oh Metro PCS... if only you worked outside Atlanta.. .

If I Knew The Lyrics To The Family Ties Theme Song Id Have Inserted Them Here.. But I Dont So Instead You Get This..

So my sister and her husband came over for dinner tonight.. god.. I havent seen them in months.. It was splendid.. My brother-in-law made dinner altho I was planning on it.. cause he loves to cook .. and who will argue with that.. The big surpirse (3rd Course) .. Crab Legs.. holy yum.. I fucking loved it.. and so did Ethan.. he said 'mmmmmmmmmmmm" after the first several bites.. so cute..

Why Dont You Just Bend Me Over And Fuck Me In The Ass With No Lube Or Something

So In the week since I checked plane ticket prices they have gone up too $300 (or damn near).. so Im starting to get bummed out.. Im getting some help with it.. but It still really sucks.. And.. once again.. . if you feel so inclinded as to want to help.. just let me know.. Ill gladly accept.


Well.. thats it for now.. Steven will be back tomorrow, and Will plans on picking up Ethan tomorrow.. he always does that shit.. I techically have Ethan till Monday and he always says (Im gonna get him on Sunday).. god forbid I ask for 1 extra day with my baby so I can take him on vacation.. that hes not comfortable with but cutting my time down he is fine with.. Its sad how childish he is.. its really really sad.. hes really really sad.
... but Im making the most of the time I have with him and this weekend we have had so much fun.. painting and swimming and bike riding, and colouring, and learning new words and Ive started teaching him colours with hes picking up well.. Im soo proud.. he is perfection.. Im the luckiest woman alive...

xoxo
Onie

Eat The Muff

I just wanted to say.. whomever tagged my set with 'eat the muff' is my fucking hero.. i suggest you come forward now so I can give you proper praise!


Chicago Bound

Im trying to get to Chicago to see my best friend whom I havent seen in 4 years (and meet her husband and 3 children... yep.. shes gotten married and had 3 kids since we last saw eachother... altho I guess Ive gotten divorced twice and married once and had a child in that time.. she hasnt met my son either.. crazy)... so yeah.. anyways.. Im trying to get up there to see her. She just dyed her hair a colourful colour for the first time.. swoon.. (she picked the perfect colour, too).. this is her.. (im gonna try to get her to become an SG!



so yeah.. if any one feels so inspired as to help me get there let me know.. tickets are around $160 .. (id be more than williing to send you a 'thank you gift" .. or if a couple people want to help out Ill send you little thank you gifts (think of it like those cheesy marathons on tv.. haha)

yeah.. so this week has been great (aside from being sick.. which Im almost over now) I have had my son all week... the exhusband has let me watch Ethan while he was out of town this week .. (because his gf couldnt ... i could tell by how he asked.. but he did have the nerve to try to get money out of me if i was gonna get to watch Ethan.. he has a lot of nerve. anyways.. yeah... weve been having a lot of fun tho!!!

p.s.. if you want to help me get to Chicago you can do send me a message or mention it here.

x
Onie

pix..







p.p.s.. if you havent seen my mini set yet go check it out in my folder.

Deja Fuck

Well... it would appear.. much to my amazement at how fucking lame things can be... that I am sick again... hmmmm.. well... I wasnt over the flu just yet and BAM ... i appear to have Strep Throat.. irriated is an understatement. ive been sweating so profusely (sp?) Ive already taken 6 baths today... miserable... .so... Ive been too ill to even look at the computer screen which makes my eyes (even as we speak) feel like they are gonna burn out of my head? .. so If you messaged me and I havent responded.. this is why..

cant use it? but cant lose it either...

So I got an email from staff saying they wont be using my set but that they want me to shoot with idjiit so .. that is what I plan on doing.. I have a small portion of the pix i sent in to headquarters in a folder entitled 'set that wasnt accepted' .. this is my version of it.. I fucked with the colours to give it a more surreal look... i sent in the original (straight out of camera) version.

4 in the door

well... last tuesday something real fucking terrible happened... lets see.. so.. Im picking up my sweet baby from day care and I sit in the back with him.. so Steven reaches over from the driver seat to close the passenger door.. Im actually so wrapped up in wondering if he will be able to sucessfully close the door i forget to move my hand... sooo... the with my hand in the door... it is closed.. the intense pain im in has me frantic.. Im begging steven to open the door... Im cussing at the top of my lungs.. Im screaming.. he panics... (yeah.. not the ideal direction for this story to take.. but indeed the reality of it)... he reaches over and locks the door (allow me to say the lock is on the top of the door by the window... the handle is down towards the dash).. so... he freaks out... so now... the door is latched and locked with four of my fingers sticking out the other end of the door... as soon as my hand was out... you know what i did... I cried like a baby.. I balled my eyes out.. my fingers were black in the line across where the door was... not from dirt or greese but because it had flattened my fingers to the bone... but in doing so it flattened the viens in my fingers.. leaving them clearly visible..(hense creating the black line)... and my fingers inflatted again (something like a cartoon would) there was barely a sign of what had happened except for two tiny pinkish red marks (barely visable) and a little swelling (that was unnoticable unless comparing hands)... so... no bruise.. no nothing.. except for the pain... my fingers still hurt where the door smooshed them.. but yeah... dang..

so.. i feel too ill to type any more.. and i will attempt to respond as Im able to... (p.s.. you know where the ear canal drains into the back of your throat... well mine, and all the area around it.. is swollen like grapes.. lame.. and painful..

okay... im out for now..

x
o
x
o
Onie

Internet.. Not Just For Porn Anymore

I just found out through some guys blog who lives in Europe that my cousin got married and moved to London.. Thanks for the phone call.. oh wait.. I didnt get one.. I love my family so much !

Lesbian Dating 101 (for men)

Do me a favor.. stop trying to date lesbians .. they are not interested.. you wont have a 3some.. end of lesson.

Do Stretch Marks Count As A Form Of Age Identification???

So me and Steven met up with Llona at the bar outside of my apartment (one of the many).. I get there and I didnt have my ID on me so I waited outside the bar for about 15 minutes till Steven returned from the apartment with my wallet. Id like to take this time to state that Llona is so amazing beautiful it often catches me off guard and Im sure Im just sitting there staring at her drooling into my lap. But it was nice to get a drink with her even if only briefly.

the EX files

so.. the Ex husband is out of town and instead of letting me watch our son he is letting his girlfriend watch him... sometimes the level of frustration I feel towards him comes second only to my hatred for the poor parenting hes inflicting on our child.

Vagina Cups and The Soon to Come Removal of The Straws from my ears

so.. I ordered a diva cup.. very excited.. I also ordered one for my best friend in Chicago.. she has no idea.. .. and .. and.. and.. I have some new plugs on the way, some larger lip rings (a 10g and an 8g)... and.. the most fantastic belt buckle and belt.. soo... im very excited about this.. I cant remember the last time I had so many exciting things on the way to me.. I dont know what it is but expecting a package is a very special thing.. I feel like a kid waiting for christmas (or at least how i speculate a kid feels waiting for christmas as I was raised in a cult and didnt get to celebrate it till I moved out).

hmmm.. yeah.. that will due for now.

x
Onie