SuicideGirl: Nixon
suicidegirl

Nixon Fucking Hoff-style.

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AUGUST 26, 2010 @ 01:11 AM | 7 COMMENTS


AUGUST 22, 2010 @ 08:09 PM | 14 COMMENTS


I was too busy last weekend in LA to keep up with writing down what I did. Thankfully, ZakSmith was on hand to document our wierdness.

Also I picked apples, sat in a hottub full of the Least Tan People in Los Angeles (which would be me, Obelisk, MorningStar, and obd), drank myself sober, cavorted with tiny dogs, and generally had a lovely time.

And now I'm back in the Bay, and its cold, and I'm grumpy and should be studying.
AUGUST 11, 2010 @ 11:56 PM | 26 COMMENTS


Whoever designs fire alarms should be taken out in the woods and shot. Why in the name of Gawd would you make a lifesaving, necessay, REALLY IMPORTANT item that made such a horrible noise that every one in every home I have ever lived in has been smashed to death in a fit of fury and burned toast? This one was still working, although dangling from a wire due to a toast incident. Then the battery got low. And it started freaking out. So I got the tallest bar stool in the house and stood on it on tippy toes (right exactly, I will note, at the edge of the staircase. Great design there.) and after nearly dislocating my shoulder I got the battery out. Which was when I realized that that wire it was hanging by was ELECTRICITY. Removing the battery just freaked it out even worse, and increased the frequency of horrible noises. WHY WAS THERE A FUCKING BATTERY, AND WHY WAS IT SO FUCKING IMPORTANT?

Anyhow, its dead now.

And while I am ranting and raving about pointless shit, people who dry their cups upside-down on a towel. What the fuck? Have you no sense of smell? My new roommate did the dishes yesterday, and today I poured myself a glass of water and nearly puked from the mildew smell. ITS GROSS. DON'T DO THAT.

End of rant.
AUGUST 6, 2010 @ 10:56 PM | 27 COMMENTS


This week really needs to just stop happening. Or, I need to become a locksmith. So far:

- One of my coworker's Mom died, so
-I'm not camping right now, because she needed her shifts covered
-One friend lost his bike key, and we spent all of Wednesday night trying to get a new one (first locksmith)
-My roomate got mugged, so we spent till 4 am this morning filing the cop reports and realizing that
-the mugger took her keys, and knew which car was hers, so we
-took out the battery and then we realized
-her computer was in the trunk, so we
-spent an hour trying to get into her trunk to no avail, so
-my other roomate slept in her car until the (second locksmith) arrived, oh and
-the mugger has our keys and and our home address, so now
-we are hoping that the third locksmith will get here sometime soon.
AUGUST 2, 2010 @ 09:56 PM | 13 COMMENTS


-Blueberries are amazing.

-Inception wasn't that complicated, ya bunch of pansies.

-Next weekend, we camp!
JULY 28, 2010 @ 08:24 PM | 18 COMMENTS


WARNIG: Total chick post.

So, it's been a really long time since I had "real"l hair. Like a REALLY long time. And now my hair is finally starting to get long enough to qualify as "real" hair.

I have always been convinced that I probably had good hair, if I could just figure out what the fuck it wanted. I was raised by a mom with stick-straight hair, who spent hours upon hours trying desperately to get a brush through my curls while I screamed and wailed as if I was being killed. Somewhere around 18, I finally found out that you aren't supposed to brush curly hair. Well, NO WONDER I had that awful white girl afro!!!! But I never really got past that point. And then I got dreads.

So, yesterday for the first time in my life I made a proper appointment with a curly hair specialist. Which I didn't even know existed. Holy crap! They have stylists for this shit! Stylists with ninja skills! I can't get in till September, but meanwhile I followed all these links on her blog and discovered all SORTS of useful things I didn't know. Like that terrycloth causes frizz. And what "Plunking" is. I feel like I've stumbled upon some secret trove of girl-knowledge to which I was previously oblivious...

Curl heads- any advice for me as I embark on this strange journey?
JULY 25, 2010 @ 01:30 AM | 26 COMMENTS




Tiny Stone Age Dildo Discovered: Full Story



Last week, an excavation in Sweden turned up an object that bears the unmistakable look of a penis carved out of antler bone. Though scientists can't be sure exactly what this tool was used for, it's hard not to leap to conclusions. [See "Sex Myths and Taboos"]

"Your mind and my mind wanders away to make this interpretation about what it looks like – for you and me, it signals this erected-penis-like shape," said archaeologist Gšran Gruber of the National Heritage Board in Sweden, who worked on the excavation. "But if that's the way the Stone Age people thought about it, I can't say."



Right, buddy. They totally wouldn't see that. People were very refined back then.

Really? Female porcupines have been known to use sticks as dildos, and orangutans go to all sorts of trouble crafting theirs out of wood and bark. I'd be ashamed if people were too far behind!

This is not, by the way, the oldest dildo on record. That award goes to the Germans (of course), with a 28,000 year old example of the fine art of penismaking.

See? You learn something new every day.

And now, a masturbating kangaroo.

JULY 19, 2010 @ 10:27 PM | 21 COMMENTS


One more night of cat sitting- I'm gonna miss all these cats!

Last night there was a massive power outage that lasted three hours. The whole hill was dark and you could actually see stars in the city. I sat on the back porch for a while, watching the stars and then wind came and the fog started blowing in,so I came in and lit lots of candles everywhere (if you are ever stuck in a massive power outage, aim to be housesitting for Goths.) and watched a movie on my laptop in the dark with the cats. It was lovely.



JULY 11, 2010 @ 07:03 PM | 10 COMMENTS


Listening to:


Watching:


JULY 9, 2010 @ 11:57 PM | 18 COMMENTS


-I am cat sitting for five cats. I have become a crazy cat person overnight.

-I started The Master and Margarita, thanks to Zoetica.

-I need recipes for lemons. The house I am catsitting at has a lemon tree that is absolutely drooping under the weight of the lemons. I should go pick them tomorrow, but I have no clue what to do with them. Perhaps I'll pickle them Moroccan-style?



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