Nixon's June 05, 2010 blog

Nixon Fucking Hoff-style.

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Saturday blog

JUNE 5, 2010 @ 02:52 PM

So, this is a bit personal, but yesterday I went sex-toy shopping. Sex-toy shopping is, after all, a fact of life. Besides, I'm lucky enough to live near a Good Vibrations, which makes it a fun outing rather than an awkward one. The point of all this being, when I got home and opened the package on the new toy, it came with an instruction manual. That was funny enough- it's pretty simple, and actually doesn't have any moving parts or anything. But the instructions themselves are what i felt I needed to share. The caps are mine.

...Be sure to read all instructions and warnings on the package and in the manual before use. Ophoria toys for anal stimulation should be used with caution and care; always use a condom and sufficient lubricant. NEVER USE WITH FORCE OR WITHOUT CONSENT...

Really? They needed to put that on the label? "Please do not rape anyone using our products?"

In other news, SF Peeps: please join me, Trillian, and baudot this evening for Science For Juggalos. Bring your own lab coat.

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Nanette

USA

June 2008

JUN 05, 2010 03:30 PM

wow what an insane label.
i think you went to New York so i hope you had a great time

Diablita

USA

March 2009

JUN 05, 2010 03:32 PM

Haha!

PhilConnors

Fredericksburg, VA

January 2004

JUN 05, 2010 03:34 PM

That label is sad. It usually means that somebody must have been violated by one of their products.

Cadavre

HOPEFUL

Seattle, WA

JUN 05, 2010 03:47 PM

Wow......that label makes my brain twitch.

Have fun this evening

AcidEvangelist

Minneapolis, MN

March 2004

JUN 05, 2010 03:48 PM

Reads to me like: WE PRINT THIS SO YOU CAN'T SUE US!

jeffyjr

Waipahu, HI

December 2007

JUN 05, 2010 04:20 PM

HAHAHAHA that's life everything has a instruction manual to it now.
Coming soon the manual on how to have sex. Interested in helping me write it?

obd

Venice, CA

June 2003

JUN 05, 2010 05:06 PM

I appreciate the scientific missionary work you will be doing with the juggalos.

GHOST_2013

Pottstown, PA

December 2005

JUN 05, 2010 05:31 PM

they put the most interesting things on labels sometime.

Cadavre

HOPEFUL

Seattle, WA

JUN 05, 2010 06:25 PM

http://www.cracked.com/blog/learn-your-motherfuckin-science-with-the-icp/ thought this was related to your evening plans

merlowe

HOPEFUL

Pittsburgh, PA

JUN 05, 2010 06:44 PM

Thank you for sharing your label..mine didn't come with one..and gosh I coulda hurt someone

onenerdykid

Austria

February 2009

JUN 05, 2010 06:51 PM

what's probably even weirder is that someone used an Ophoria toy, got hurt somehow or hurt someone else, then tried to sue Ophoria toys because there wasn't a proper warning label and then bingo, Ophoria's lawyers said put a usage warning label on it.

Next year, they'll have an additional label one that says "Always wear appropriate safety gear when operating this device".

BellyJack

I'm lost

May 2005

JUN 05, 2010 07:34 PM

Yes, I too am surprised no mention of proper PPE - Personal Protective Equipment - was in the I/M (Instruction Manual). These may include but not limited to: rubber gloves, goggles, face shield, and full body HAZMAT suit.