Another pet peeve: whenever a conversation about having kids comes up and people ask my opinion, I will tell them the truth -- I don't ever want kids. It's not that I hate children...I like SOME children, like the kid i'm mentoring this semester. But I am often very annoyed by kids, and I don't tend to get along with most children, especially small ones. And I don't find babies cute.

But I do understand that other people want to have kids, that's great, have fun, be a good parent. What I want to do is be a friend of someone with kids, then I can be "Crazy Aunt Morgan", and the kids can visit me, and when i get tired of them they'll go away. But I KNOW that I don't want my own kids.

So my peeve is people telling me "Oh, you'll change your mind when you're older". For one thing, age is relative. I've met 13 year olds more mature than me, I've met 30 year olds who act like spoiled babies. So maybe I am mature enough to know my own mind about this, and to know what I want and don't want. And if i KNOW what I feel about this, why should i change my mind because of some "biological clock"? Having a kid because my uterus is whining at me isn't a good reason! I'd only have a kid if i wanted one, and i KNOW I WON'T EVER WANT ONE.

So yeah...stop telling me that I'll change my mind. I know how I feel, and just because you feel differently doesn't make you right. (this is the general "you" i'm using by the way...not directed at anyone in particular)

I will be selling my eggs when i'm 21, though.

Oh! I am going to be writing a small personal essay on being an Suicidegirl for a zine a friend of mine is working on. Any suggestions as to what I should say?

If I were in charge of the world:
*war would not exist
*neither would Britney Spears and her clan, or boy bands.
*people with babies who are making cooing noises or baby talk at their children would not be allowed in my presence.
*people with small screaming or tantrum-throwing children would also not be allowed in my presence.
*periods would cease to exist
*Nick and I would live together, and all the people we love most would live near by. (esp. penny and Toreena and our c'ville friends)
*college would be free (but good)
*a smile or a hug could heal people
*equality would be more than just an ideal.
*any movie I wanted to watch would appear instantly in front of me.
*there would be three extra TV channels : one would show episodes of the simpsons, king of the hill, and futurama on rotation. Another would show X-Files episodes (banning all seasons with that damn Dogget in them), and another would show Star Trek (mostly TNG) episodes.

What would happen if YOU were in charge of the world?

When I was little, my parents listened to Talking Heads a lot (because they are wonderful people, of course)

And I used to think that, in "Girlfriend Is Better", instead of saying "I've got a girlfriend that's better than that", he was saying..."I've got a girlfriend that sits in the dirt".

I also used to think that the songs "Jessie's Girl" went "I wish that i WAS Jessie's girl", and there there were just some gender confusion issues there.

I miss Nick. And Penny. I miss them both a LOT. Like I kind of just want to pack up some stuff and drive to see them, but unfortunately they live in different directions. It's not that I'm lonely this week, I'm not, I just want to be around people I adore

A pet peeve: people who feel the need to tell you "you look like shit" or "you look terrible". Yeah, i'm aware i didn't get much sleep, I'm aware of the dark circles under my eyes...so keep your fucking observation to yourself, 'kay? Cause it makes me feel ugly.

A friend and I were talking about optimism vs. pessimism a couple hours ago. She asked if I thought that life is generally bad or generally good.

My thought was, "the WORLD is generally bad. But our lives don't have to be. Our lives have the potential to be amazing and special."

After I said that I felt like a big dork. And i got "friendly friendly world" in my head for some reason (hooray for Andy Kaufman)

I miss Nick.

End of random rambly entry.

Best.Birthday.Ever.

We stayed up until five A.M. last night! I am still attempting to recover, my tummy hates me right now. I had lots of champagne and tequila, and we watched movies (what did we watch? the adventures of sebastian cole, hedwig, and some lord of the rings. no one paid attention to any of the movies, though)

And i got lots of wonderful presents.

I'm a big hypocrite...want to know why?

Because i've thought from time to time about changing schools just so i could live in charlottesville with Nick, but i've always been able to remind myself that it's not smart to give up that much, esp. since it's not that hard for us to see each other, etcetc.

The hypocritical part is that i know if he got a job somewhere far away or even just a couple hours farther than he is now, i'd pack up everything and leave with him, no questions asked

But i'm comfortable with this hypocrisy.

Now it's my BIRTHDAY!!!!

"And some Indian god sewed the wound up into a hole,
pulled it round to our belly to remind us of the price we pay. And Osiris and the gods of the Nile gathered up a big storm to blow a hurricane, to scatter us away, in a flood of wind and rain, and a sea of tidal waves, to wash us all away, and if we don't behave they'll cut us down again, and we'll be hopping round on one foot and looking through one eye."

I want to write a nice, clever journal entry but I'm tired and kinda grumpy at the moment, so I'm not going to.

I get so uncomfortable when I think people are being cold to me. My first ever boyfriend was wonderful in many ways, but also very cold. I would pour my heart out about things I felt and thought and he would just nod. I couldn't act goofy around him because I felt like he thought I was stupid. Like he forgot that even when i'm being a silly goose i'm still a smart person.

Now i'm especially sensitive to coldness, or percieved coldness. I don't want to feel like that ever again, like something i'm saying doesn't matter. It makes me feel guilty and it shouldn't. I know i'm not doing anything wrong.

Last night I had a dream that I was in Jurassic Park...except for Jurassic Park was centered in a Wal-Mart.

When I woke up I decided that if Spielburg (who I dislike, by the way) ever decides to be evil and do a remake of Jurassic Park, he should combine it with "Day of the Dead" and set it in a mall.

Who CARES if it wouldn't make any sense?

Don't mind me. you see, I have this condition...I'm a moron!

TWO DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY!!!

I may come across as simple, cute, vunerable and fragile.

But i'm really quite strong. Just wait and see.

Something so comforting about a shower...and it's not just the water. Though I am a water-baby, I love how water feels smooth and...almost like a companion, pure and sweet. But it's mostly the routine of it: soap on the bath poof, shaving cream, conditioner that takes forever to come out of my hair, drying off and returning to my room feeling sqeaky clean.

Showers almost always make me feel better.

So I saw "Requiem for a Dream", finally. I feel like a bad indie movie buff, as I don't think i'll ever really want to see it again. I still prefer Hal Hartley, and will finish watching "No Such Thing" this weekend.

....Nothing feels quite right, lately.

Though there are things I know: I love Nick. Penny sent me the best care package in the world and I adore her. And I wish she and Toreena lived close to me. And the end of summer is sad.