SuicideGirl: Morgan
suicidegirl

Morgan aims to misbehave.

I’m private
 
JUNE 26, 2008 @ 05:01 PM

Well, never mind house hunting.
Tangus and I just broke up.

Don't ask for details because they really don't matter. Don't say stupid things about how he must be an idiot or he must be at fault or anything like that. I still love him more than anyone in the world and I don't want to hear a single bad word spoken about him. This is an amicable breakup and we still love each other very much, we just...can't be together.

But it's over. I thought I had found The One, but apparently I didn't, and now I've packed all my shit into four bags and I'm running home to mommy and daddy (and stepmommy and stepdaddy)

And that being said, I don't even know what to do with myself. Half of the time I feel like I don't even have a heart left at all. Then I'm reminded that I still have a heart and that it hurts more than I could possibly imagine. I can't breathe correctly. I feel like I want to vomit. I feel a million things at once and none of them are good. I want to kiss him and be with him one last time, but I'm afraid to. I want to stay here for the last couple of nights that I'll be in Florida, but I know that will make us both so sad. Being apart would make us sadder, though, and I can't be alone. I want to stay for weeks and pretend that we're still a couple, but we're not and that would hurt me even more.

My father is coming to pick me up tomorrow, to take me to Virginia. It's going to screw me over job-wise because obviously I can't give two weeks notice, but I just CAN'T do anything else. I can't go into that office for two weeks and pretend to function. I have to go home and give myself time to fall apart or it will be worse for me in the end. For my sanity, I have to go home.

I hate this. I hate this so much. I want to scream and cry. I can't stop screaming and crying. This hurts more than I could possibly describe. I wish I could shut down my feelings.

Oh god, SG people. My heart is obliterated.

Thank you to those I have reached out to over the phone, and the ones I'm sure I'll reach out to in the coming weeks. Feel free to offer all kinds of kind words, I need 'em. I need all the help and support I can get.

Obviously I won't be responding to every comment y'all leave right away, but when I can, I'll try.

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Comments
ElizaTheTroll

ElizaTheTroll

Australia
January 2006

JUN 26, 2008 05:06 PM

Oh dear! I'm so sorry.

Ferretbite

Ferretbite

Mexico
September 2006

JUN 26, 2008 05:07 PM

No hate whatsoever, these things happen and whatever the outcome, you know you can count on my support and friendship (as much as one can over the internet anyway), just keep breathing, and yes, if you have to, fall apart, kick, scream and why not, cry. When you're ready, the world will still be there, complete with SG and all.

See you when you're ready, M.

JayBugg

JayBugg

Reisterstown, MD
February 2006

JUN 26, 2008 05:07 PM

hm

know we havent gotten to talk in a good minute, but I hope your trip goes well as it can, and if you need anything, me as well im sure another 1000 people will help you in any way we can

keep safe darlin'

OpticNerve

OpticNerve

Waltham, MA
November 2003

JUN 26, 2008 05:09 PM

I know from recent personal experience how much this is going to suck for you. Like the wise Chakka Khan sang, 'I feel for you'.

Sydni

Sydni

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

JUN 26, 2008 05:12 PM

I'm so sorry.

It's going to hurt. Just know you're loved.

Light_Bringer

Light_Bringer

Raleigh, NC
October 2007

JUN 26, 2008 05:13 PM

I'm very sorry to hear about the breakup. Take some time to yourself. You're gonna be fine.

vambot5

vambot5

Norman, OK
June 2003

JUN 26, 2008 05:15 PM

A few years of perspective since my last major breakup has taught me that, indeed, the details rarely matter. Breaking up sucks, but everybody knows that. If it were me, I would be doing exactly the same thing--looking for support from family. That's what they're family for.

Best wishes.

bairdduvessa

bairdduvessa

Centerville, MA
April 2005

JUN 26, 2008 05:20 PM

oh hon, i came by to check something, and saw this. i'm so sorry to read this. if you need anything, anything at all please call, text whatever. Im going to take a nap but i'll be up at 2am.

frinky

frinky

Philadelphia, PA
January 2005

JUN 26, 2008 05:26 PM

Well I know I'm just someone who reads your blog from time to time, but I wanted you to know I'm sorry.

Nyssa

Nyssa

Philadelphia, PA
April 2005

JUN 26, 2008 05:30 PM

*hugs*

Itsy

Itsy

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

JUN 26, 2008 05:31 PM

you need anything, just to vent or whatever, msg me for my number.



these things happen and i know it's hard. sending good thoughts your way, lady.

Margot_Dent

Margot_Dent

Los Angeles, CA
February 2004

JUN 26, 2008 05:31 PM

i'm so so sorry lady. i know how hard it is.


<3

tubaart

tubaart

Fulton, MO
November 2004

JUN 26, 2008 05:34 PM

My poor poor dear. I'm so sorry. I know you'll come out of this ok -- you're a damn impressive woman (on so many levels) -- but that doesn't make it hurt any less. If you need the pespective (or the silent ear) of a middle-aged married guy who's definitely not going to hit on you, I'm always available. I can't promise any wisdom, but I'll listen to you rant, cry, gush, be quiet, or whatever -- maybe even share a laugh or two when you're ready. And even if we never connect -- know that I'm one of many here rooting for you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Art Smith, art@artsmithphotography.com, 573-424-8486, YIM:artsmithphotography, AIM: artsmithphoto
Seriously, any time.


kiss

Pip

Pip

Framingham, MA
OLD SKOOL

JUN 26, 2008 05:35 PM

Keep the faith. If there is someone for me, there is someone for everyone.

ericwine

ericwine

Charlotte Hall, MD
January 2007

JUN 26, 2008 05:37 PM

I don't often comment your blogs, but I usually read them... I'm sorry to hear this. In fact, I'm kinda surprised. It's almost never easy to go through that.
have a safe trip.

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