PICS
Have you guys seen Black Swan yet? El_Scootro and I saw it last night. It was so atmospheric, so creepy in a way that's hard to describe. It's like all these little things that build and build into this bezerk tension. I'm not typically a Natalie Portman fan at all, but I thought she delivered a seriously fantastic performance. And the costumes.....ahhh! Can't really go wrong when the Mulleavy sisters are involved. Especially the black swan costume with that tribal looking makeup- straight EVIL in the best way possible! I thought the "twist" was a little transparent, but having desperately wanted to be a ballerina as a child, I had to love it overall. I had a music box, a lot like the one in the movie, that had a little Swan Queen ballerina twirling around to "The Swan's Theme". (kind of a creepy idol for little girls, don't you think? True love is the only thing that will ever fulfill you and you should probably kill yourself if it doesn't work out! I guess that fairytales for you though, and why I love-hate them.) And you best believe that when we hatched chicks in 3rd grade, I named mine, which was black, Odile, after the black swan. Buuut unfortunately, my Balanchine dreams never came to fruition when as I got older it became apparent that I am completely lacking in coordination, grace, and probably above all, discipline.
Wahh wahhh!
After the movie, we decided to stay up to see the eclipse. I'm really glad we did- it was just so right after seeing that ultra creepy movie. The neighborhood where I live is basically on top of a cliff above the city, and is capped off by this massive catholic church. I've posted pictures of it before:
Well, the bloody moon was hovering right above the church, and the clouds kept streaming past, covering and then uncovering it. At 3:15am it was eerily quiet, and so wintery. It was spooky as fuck.
That's the best picture I could get with my phone. Haha. Those with better cameras than the iphone's did a much better job:
Annnnyway. I did the red thing. It doesn't really show up much in pictures:
But I assure you, it is much redder than it once was. I like it a lot.
Favorite Christmas jams:
This is baby me:
Hehehehe
Merry Christmas!
I just finished the last season of Mad Men. Now what the hell am I going to do with my life??? Seriously, I watched all 4 seasons in one month. So fucking good!
It's cold as shit and I hate it, but it's been snowing a little and I'm feeling rather festive.
A couple friends of ours are leaving, for a couple different reasons, so we took a break from livin la vida sober.
My dick is bigger than yours.
Feeling better already.
Life is going a bit better. Trying to find a balance, as they say.
Remember when I said I was finally going to get my shitty punk tattoo? Well, I did:
Hahahaha! My old roommate, this awesome punk chick named Eva just started tattooing, and she did it. It cost me one Iron City at Gooskis. So punk.
The other day I was thrifting and became frustrated when, as usual, I found a ton of amazing stuff but none of it fit me. Then it dawned on me- I should start my own vintage boutique on ebay. I've already gotten the ball rolling, so expect that sometime in the very near future! I've been wanting to open my own clothing store for a long time, and I think this is a good first step.
One more puppy picture for good measure:
I'm back from Columbus, finally. I had a nice time, but it feels good to be home.
I got to hang out with Parish and Ashbury_ while I was there, which is always fantastical.
Giiiiiirrrrrl let me tell you...
For Halloween, we went to Highball and then Skully's. I went as a pin-upy boxer (like that lady that shows up a lot in traditional tattoo flash) and GiGi_LaRoux and her boyfriend went as Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers. I didn't get any fantastic pictures, but here are a few that we did take:
I did a lot of thinking while I was gone. Soul searching, if you will. I still feel the same way I did in my last blog: "I want to grow up and get better."
I want to focus on finding a career, not just a job. There are so many things that interest me; I feel pulled in so many directions. That makes it hard to know where to begin. Do I stay at my current job and try to pursue a promotion? Do I try somewhere else? Start my own business, like I've been saying I'm going to for the past couple years? Do I go back to school? Move? I don't know! I'm still clinging to the hope that I can turn my creative talent(s) into a career, and maybe in that sense I'm still an idealist, but I don't really know what else I can do because I'm really not good at anything practical!
I want to make more art. I'm ok, but I know I could actually be good if I put time and effort into it. And what feels better than completing a piece that you're proud of? Nothing! I'd like to start showing my work, maybe try to do some freelance illustrating and designing.
I want to nurture the relationships with the people in my life who are worthwhile, and rid myself of all the extraneous fake ass bullshit people. I've already mostly done that, and I feel so much better for it.
It's not that I'm too terribly unhappy, but my birthday is in a couple months and I'll be officially closer to 30 than 20. This isn't exactly what I saw myself doing. I know I have the ability to do the things I want to do, to be productive, and creative, and happy. I just need to step it.
This is me eating pizza and ridin' spinners:
Been bloggin:
Ummm yeah, that's about it.
Cool Jamz:
Me drown sorrow in that diablo, found bravery in my bravado.
It's been a female empowerment, R&B girl jam time in my life, or as I like to call them, Mary J Days.
This isn't Mary J but love this song so much! She sounds like Lauryn Hill AND rocks Meoldy Ehsani and 2BD!
It’s hard to give up something that’s been in your life for so long. I was 22 when I started down this road…the getting things for being naked road. Modeling, dancing, flirting and just generally batting my eyes through life. It’s a bullshit way to live and lord, I wish I had never started.
As always, as I will get tattooed on me some day, what good has ever come from being so wanted?
I had good times and I met some good people. But I carry a lot of baggage. I wonder what I will do with myself when I can’t look in the mirror and rely on clear blue eyes and a big smile. I want terribly to start fresh.
I want an internet free life where comment numbers don’t dash my self confidence. I want to live with my boyfriend, cooking vegan meals, playing with our dogs, laying in the sun in a city far away from any other bad influence but myself. I want to grow up and get better.
She pretty much summed up my feelings on life right now.
I'm in Columbus now. It's a lot more work than I expected, and I miss my bearman, puppy, and peach very much. But hanging out with Gigi_LaRoux on the reg is super awesome. I drank for the first time in a very long time, and let me tell you....I canNOT hang like I used to. I spent the entire morning puking my guts out. I puked like 5 or 6 times; it was awful. I've definitely satisfied my urge to booze for quite some time now.
I have a budding little family of tattoos on my arm these days:
And today, I toughed out my hangover, and added one more to the clan:
Somehow I managed to not puke during this. But my headache was RAGING.
RONI!!!! I am officially a creepy dog lady! He was done by Scott Santee, the same guy who did Ashbury_'s Boston Terrier tattoo.
Off to nurse my wounds.
Lurve,
Monroe
Loved this movie.
Has anyone else noticed that there are very few PUNK kids anymore? The only "alternative" kids seem to be scene kids, which really, to me, is just an acceptable form of "weird" which is still pretty much within convention and still seen as desirable. BOO. Here's a toast to the real weirdos.
That's Malcolm's anthem. Obviously:
I like it when El_Scootro has to pee and tells me he's "gonna take a Wiz Khalifa". Haaaaaa. Fucking weirdo.
Anyway, I am leaving The Land of the Black and Yellow for a few weeks. Work is sending me to Columbus from Monday until November 1st. I guess that means I'm important or something. (haha yeah right!)
My grandparents and aunt were in town this past week, which ruled. They came up from Florida for my second cousin (so, my dad and aunt's cousin)'s wedding. She's a 45 year old dominatrix and she married one of her former clients...at the zoo. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried! She wore a blue crushed velvet Victorian riding outfit:
Here's my aunt before the wedding:
And here's a picture of my family outside the reception:
L to R: My pappy, my aunt, my dad, my mom, and my grandma is in the wheelchair. They are completely out of their minds and completely wonderful.
I updated my other blog, if anyone cares.
BUH BYE.
Maybe I am crazy, or maybe I am foolish. I hope I'm just crazy.
Suri did a little profile on me in her SG artists series. Pretty cool. I plan on massively updating my etsy soon.
My best friend turns one this Sunday and I'm getting him tattooed on me soon!
On work days arise to your labors happily, if you can. And if you can't, what's stopping you? Is there something heavy, something difficult in your way? What do you have against what's heavy and difficult? -That it can kill you?- Alright, so it's strong and powerful, you know that much about it. And what do you know about what's easy? Nothing. We have no memory at all of what's easy. So even if you were permitted to choose, wouldn't you choose what's hard? Don't you feel how kindred it is to you, related to you through all your loves? Is it not your true home?
And aren't you in harmony with nature when you choose it? Don't you think the seed would find it easier to stay in the earth? Don't the migrating birds have it hard, and the wild animals who have to fend for themselves?
Look: easy things and hard things simply do not exist. Life itself is what's hard. And you want to live, don't you? So you're wrong to call it your duty to take on what's hard. The survival instinct pushes you to do that. So what is your duty? Your duty is to love what's hard. That you carry the weight doesn't say much, you have to rock it in its cradle and sing it to sleep, and be there when it needs you, and it can need you at any moment.
You have to be so ready to help, so gentle and kind, that you spoil it, spoil your difficult thing like a child, so that it can no longer exist without you, so that it depends on you.
After you've brought it to such a state you will no longer want anyone to come take it off your hands.
And you get that far through love. To love is hard. When someone bids you to love, they are laying a great task upon you, but not an impossible one. For they are not calling you to love another person, which is not for beginners; they are not demanding from you that you love God, which only the most mature people can do. They are only calling your attention to what's hard for you, what is neediest in you and at the same time most fruitful. You see, what's easy wants nothing from you, but what's hard waits for you, and there is no strength in you that won't be needed there, and even if your life is very long not a single day will be left over for what's easy, what scoffs at your strength.
Go deep inside yourself and build what's hard. It should be like a house within you, if you yourself are like a land that changes with the tides. Remember, you are not a star, you have no course to follow.
You must be a world unto yourself, and with your difficult thing in the center, drawing you to it. And one day, with its weight, its gravity, it will have its effects beyond you, on a destiny, on a person, on God. Then, when its ready, God will enter into your difficult thing. And do you know anywhere else where you and He can meet?
--Rainer Maria Rilke
Guh. Weep. I mean, I tend to be skeptical of a literal, traditional interpretation of god, but I don't think that's what he's saying here. To clarify for all the stuperz out there.
My grandparents and aunt are in town for a week and that makes me happy. So does this betch:
The music of yore has also been calling to me lately:
