PICS
A very wise friend of mine posted this Bukowski quote the other day-
"it’s always a process of letting go, one way or another"
I am wrapped up in that process right now. I'm trying to let go of this fear and doubt that has been consuming me. I am trying to take a leap of faith. It is fucking terrifying. I have the hardest time trusting in other people. I hold back out of fear and it always hurts more than it helps. But I'm doing it. I gotta let go and allow them to show me. I'm ready to be happy.
I want to be my own boss. I want to make a living doing something creative, and on my own terms. I don't even need to make a ton of money, but enough that I don't have to worry constantly. I know I'm capable of it. I want to travel everywhere. Literally everywhere. I want to move out of Pittsburgh for a while. I want to settle down with a man that I love, who is my best friend, who can be honest and open and vulnerable with me. Someone who shares my interests, who will make art with me, and make me laugh and not cry all the time because he is drunk all the time. I want a little house or apartment with enough space for us and our pets, and maybe enough room to foster some Bostons too. I'm gonna get there one baby step at a time.
I'm still learning so much about life and relationships. Sometimes I think we have these unrealistic expectations of perfection. Or at least maybe I have. That's not to say that you should settle, because you shouldn't. You can't expect someone to be perfect just because they're perfect for you. I've set standards for my partners that perhaps I haven't adhered to myself. Circumstances and certain issues in people's lives can lead them to act in ways that arent really indicative of their true character. That should never be used as a flat out excuse, but when they take tremendous steps in the right direction, and you love them, you probably should let go of your fears and grudges. Cautiously. But if you want something to work, and that person has taken the initiative, you can't hide away and cry about it all the time because you're afraid. Things don't always work out the way you planned them to, but that doesn't mean they won't work themselves out in the way they're supposed to. I know that's cliche, but there's truth to it. I wanna grow up, I wanna get better.
So yeah.
I woke up to this, this morning. And neither of us can blame it on the a-a-a-alchohol this time around.
Ohhhhhh boy.
My boys are cute:
"it’s always a process of letting go, one way or another"
I am wrapped up in that process right now. I'm trying to let go of this fear and doubt that has been consuming me. I am trying to take a leap of faith. It is fucking terrifying. I have the hardest time trusting in other people. I hold back out of fear and it always hurts more than it helps. But I'm doing it. I gotta let go and allow them to show me. I'm ready to be happy.
I want to be my own boss. I want to make a living doing something creative, and on my own terms. I don't even need to make a ton of money, but enough that I don't have to worry constantly. I know I'm capable of it. I want to travel everywhere. Literally everywhere. I want to move out of Pittsburgh for a while. I want to settle down with a man that I love, who is my best friend, who can be honest and open and vulnerable with me. Someone who shares my interests, who will make art with me, and make me laugh and not cry all the time because he is drunk all the time. I want a little house or apartment with enough space for us and our pets, and maybe enough room to foster some Bostons too. I'm gonna get there one baby step at a time.
I'm still learning so much about life and relationships. Sometimes I think we have these unrealistic expectations of perfection. Or at least maybe I have. That's not to say that you should settle, because you shouldn't. You can't expect someone to be perfect just because they're perfect for you. I've set standards for my partners that perhaps I haven't adhered to myself. Circumstances and certain issues in people's lives can lead them to act in ways that arent really indicative of their true character. That should never be used as a flat out excuse, but when they take tremendous steps in the right direction, and you love them, you probably should let go of your fears and grudges. Cautiously. But if you want something to work, and that person has taken the initiative, you can't hide away and cry about it all the time because you're afraid. Things don't always work out the way you planned them to, but that doesn't mean they won't work themselves out in the way they're supposed to. I know that's cliche, but there's truth to it. I wanna grow up, I wanna get better.
So yeah.
I woke up to this, this morning. And neither of us can blame it on the a-a-a-alchohol this time around.
Ohhhhhh boy.My boys are cute:
MAY 15, 2011 04:21 PM
MAY 15, 2011 04:23 PM
MAY 15, 2011 04:24 PM
MAY 15, 2011 04:43 PM
MAY 15, 2011 04:45 PM
scooter looks straight out of pulp fiction 
MAY 15, 2011 11:01 PM
Finding the right balance between vulnerability and self-protection is a difficult task, and it's a task that never really goes away. I think a lot of people screw themselves by bring too selective about the wrong parameters and too lenient about the most important ones. Best of luck with your impending changes. 
MAY 15, 2011 11:30 PM
You're a smart lady. Be careful. 
