good afternoon. i slept terribly last night. i got plenty of sleep but clenched my jaw all night and woke up with a huge headache. no fun. i did get the game cranium in the mail, finally, which makes me very happy. can't wait to play. i may have to rouse the girls from their rooms tonight for a quick game. i am such a dork, but board games rule. xoxo -missy

the sun is peaking out of the clouds and i am feeling great. i had a really nice talk with an amazing friend last night. it pretty much pulled me out of the blue mood i had been in for the past couple of days. i am just so much happier than i have been in awhile. i used to think the whole seasonal depression thing was a joke but i am starting to think there may be something to it. a little bit of sun and i feel a lot more optimisitic. i am rambling as i am so prone to do. i want a bagel. reading sasha's journal made me hungry. xoxo -missy

another grey day in portland and i am feeling green with envy. damn apple and their constant new products. i can't keep up. oh well, at least the only people that have them so far are genentic. they may have imacs but i bet i get to hang out with cuter girls. speaking of hanging out with cuter girls, sg lovelies rose and voltaire came by this afternoon to update their journals. less than 24 hours and two encounters with rose and voltaire. spooky and i went to sinferno last night with penelope, voltaire, rose and vinka. had a super fun time. so glad to see rose again she was m.i.a. for the holidays. we are shooting her again on sunday so if anyone has any suggestions e-mail me. got to get back to work on preping all the new photos before kic boxing tonight. xoxo -missy

hope this dreary portland day is going well for everyone. i had brunch with the lovely and charming sasha this morning, always a pleasure. glad she is back in town. then i talked on the phone to good friends and my family. then i tried to give spooky a haircut, but about a half an hour and not even a quarter of the way into it he decided to shave it. i may have been able to pull it off, but he probably made the right call. oh well, one more skill not to write home about. i cut my own hair but it has very noticable fuck-ups in it that i do mostly on purpose and partly because i don't care and it is strangely therapeutic to grab handfuls of hair and just cut at random. it does just keep growing so i am never too worried if i fuck up on my own head. on someone else the therapeutic qualities fade and it just becomes a lot of pressure. sorry spooky. xoxo -missy

i am looking for distractions today. looking for things to keep me entertained. i am moving in slow motion. restless. i feel underwater and there isn't even any rain. xoxo -missy

so thank you to everyone that e-mailed me in response to my last post. i will of course still write in my journal. it just feels a little lonely sometimes, like a one sided conversation. maybe it should be more of an interactive activity or maybe i just need more validation than the next girl. anyway. always feel free to e-mail me about any journal entry. i will write more later. xoxo -missy

just a quick hello today. i got to see a good friend from new york last night that i hadn't seen in probably four years. very exciting. so nice to catch up with old friends. i guess i am fulfilling number five from my new years resolutions. too bad the pilates thing isn't off to as good a start. how are everyone else's new years resolutions coming? it feels a little weird writing in my journal lately. i don't know if anyone is reading it or if i shoud ask questions or just write what is going on with me. anyway. have a nice thursday night. maybe there will be a new "friends" on tv. woo hoo. xoxo -missy

what's up pussy cat? i just finished "harry potter and the secret chamber" i love harry potter. i know that it is a kids book but it is so good. every detail is so thoroughly thought out it becomes easy to imagine the environment down to the smell of the mandrake's in the green house. alright i am a dork. xoxo -missy

ok so ordinarily i don't do new year's resolutions but this year it just seems like it kind of fits. i am making some changes in my life and it seems like i should commit them to the ether of the internet. at least that way other people can openly mock me when i don't live up to them. so here it goes. 1. travel, i always say that i am going to travel and i have done a fair amount but i really want to go to at least three new places this year. near, far it doesn't matter just different. and i would really like to make it to chicago this year and not just the airport this time. 2. take my camera with me everywhere and document life around me. plus take more interesting pictures of all of the suicidegirls, push my limits andsee where it takes me. 3. pay off my credit card debt and stop using it instead of cash. maybe learn how to balance my checkbook. 4. cook more and finally learn how to use my sewing machine. 5. keep in better contact with the people that really matter to me and stop worrying about what those that don't think of me. 6. actually go to all of my pilates classes. so those are my new years resolutions. we'll see if i will keep them. i hope that everyone has a great new year. xoxo -missy

happy new year everyone. glad to see the old year go, can't wait to see what challenges lie ahead in the next year. but i will tackle those horses when they come. tonight i am going to go celebrate. one more year alive and well. have fun tonight and be safe. xoxo -missy