I got April Foolsed. By my bank of all things. My son came to me and told me his bank card was missing. We had been in the seedy part of Scottsdale returning the rent a car and picking up my car from the body shop. Since he is a teen his account is tied to mine. I pulled out my credit card and called the number on the back. The guy I spoke with told me he was only credit services and I had to call a different number to reach debit services. He then kind of forced the number on me "in case I got disconnected" when he transferred me. I wrote it down as he gave it to me. Sure enough, I got disconnected. So I called the number. It has the same last 4 as the real number but the first 3 numbers are different. I call and I'm greeted by moaning and groaning. I listened for a bit thinking it was going to end up being some woman really happy about having gotten a loan or something. Or maybe a free massage package when you sign up for their credit monitoring. The moaning went on a little longer and in my flamboyantly gay inner voice I thought to myself "This advertisement is in really poor taste." No sooner had I finished thinking that, than the recording continued with a woman screaming "Spread my legs!! I want to feel......" I hung up.

I didn't write it down wrong, I think I just got April Foolsed.

1-800-693-3557

In case anyone cares to call for themselves.

We finally worked out a deal on the porn house. We are oficially in esscrow finally. There was a lot of back and forth but I think we got close to the deal we were looking for. So now the fun begins.

I love chocolate milk. Last time I was at the store I saw a new Hershey's product and bought it without flipping the bottle over. I was making a glass this evening and discovered a colossal fail. Way to trick the unsuspecting public into adding an extra 100 calories to a glass of milk and getting practically 0 benefit. Granted I like a glass now and then, just because I like it, but I thought this was pretty serious as far as deceptive advertising goes. Shame on Hershey's.

So I had to run and upload it to failblog of course.

If you ever want to get pointed at and laughed at ALL the time, drive a SMART car! Since I wrecked my BMW last week I got a rental car. The rental place had a SMART convertible or some Kia thing. I thought about it and decided a SMART was not just a rental, it was going to be an experience. I drive a nice car with a fun engine usually so I thought this thing was funny. Plus one of my smug neighbors bought a Prius a couple weeks ago so I thought it would be fun to fake one up her.

I was having fun laughing at myself driving this silly little car but I can honestly say I was not fully prepared for HOW much attention this car gets me. I don't drive much but every time I have gone out I have been heckled, stared at and made fun of. We went to the Mexican store and bought a bunch of tropical fruits and Mexican baked goods, tortillas and other specialty foods. It was a cart full of stuff. The Mexican store is also more than just shopping, it too is an experience and doing it with a SMART car is a double experience. There are always people in the parking lot selling Chiclets, and tamales and strange little toys. Lots of families will leave one person in or by the car with 10 kids while the rest of the family and extended family shops, so needless to say the parking lot is crowded with people. When we came out of the store with our cart full of stuff and were trying to cram it all into that car we had every merchant and babysitter and child in the parking lot laughing at us. A couple of them felt the need to come up and say stuff to us about how stupid our car was and how we expected to get everything into it. My husband had to carry the breads on his lap.

My son and I went to check on the house and a group of bikers pulled up behind us. The car is a cloth top so we hear everything. They were discussing carrying us out of their way, that we needed a trailer just to bring groceries home (which was funny because my son and I had just been talking about the tow rating it might have before the bikers pulled up), and a bunch of other things they could do to our "stupid little car".

Teenagers drive by and yell out of their cars at us. It is ridiculous! My husband said wow, you really have to have a thick skin to drive one of these. I just laugh about it. I know I don't own this thing, I know I have a really decent car so the jabs are not personal to me. It is pretty funny though.

I'm going to be SOOooo glad to have my BMW back tomorrow. That SMART shifts really rough and has dismal acceleration, especially on the hills. I bet it is great in a city which is less big than this one and where people don't go 50 on surface streets.

This toilet is just about the most amazing thing ever. Someone was very creative.

And by amazing I mean horrifying.

Found in a house for sale.......

We still haven't heard back from the seller about the house. I'm getting very nervous. I swore no house would ever make me love it, but I guess I was wrong. We don't actually live far from it now, so we took our dogs for a walk in that neighborhood and met some of the neighbors who seem very nice. The neighbors on both sides of us are younger people, well, 30-40 somethings with children and the people up the hill are all older and the people down the hill are younger. That probably reflects the price differences from the top to the second level down until you get to the flat area which is not too great.

If we don't get it, I will be really really sad. I'm pissed that they haven't even responded. This is not a short sale so I feel we should be able to get an answer in a reasonable amount of time.

I guess I can't do anything but wait

I found my dream house and it is a vintage 70's porn set!!! Seriously! We have been shopping for our dream home for over a year. We have had a couple under contract but we walked on inspection. The last one, while under contract was smashed by a tree .

So after many days with our wonderfully patient real estate agent seeing the boring and the ugly, yesterday, on a whim, we said we just wanted to see the porn house. It was at the very top of our price range and it said it needed lots of work. Only if you want to remove everything that makes this house amazing!


The house is built into a mountain side overlooking an AMAZING view of the valley. It is a fully custom home from the 70's designed for filming porn. Between the indoor live plant jungle, the sunken custom sex tub in the middle of the master bedroom, the stunning view you see from every location in the house, the amazing and fun vintage high end 70's kitchen, the pool, the spa, the rooftop garden, the fact that there are a million stairs because there are no 2 rooms in this house at the same level, the pool house, the studio, the 70's tile everywhere and the sex pit in the den this whole house is secluded and amazing in every way. Even better is the neighbors on both sides have huge lots so there is a lot of space. There is only one house higher up on the hill side and it does not over look the yard on this house. This house is totally secluded and private and made for only one purpose and that is sex, and not the kind of sex that makes babies because I think a baby would not survive this house. I think there would be no way to baby proof this house, there are catwalks and stairs everyplace and the house sits a good elevation above the pool and yard and the roof garden deck does not have a real rail. It does have an amazing view.

I think we are going to buy it. I didn't want to love it. I didn't want to spend quite this much. I didn't want a house this expensive, this big and which needs some mold removed from where the indoor sprinklers for the atrium have been aimed and hitting the wall of one of the upper living room decks. It also needs a new roof, which is going to get expensive and might need the roof garden deck redone or removed to get to the roof substrate and I'm horrified to think what something this custom will cost on top of this house being at the top of our price range already, but I think we would be sad and feeling like we missed out forever if we don't move on this house. How often do you get the chance to own your very own 70's porn set?

To seal the deal, on the way home we stopped at the grocery store and I think I saw Ron Jeremy there buying sausage. If this guy wasn't him, he was the closest double I've ever seen. He was there with a woman who was a little old to be dressed as she was but she was dressed in a tight Italian looking mini dress and stripper shoes. She had bright punk red porn star hair and make up on.

We decided this was a sign that we should buy the house. Not a lot of people could rock an eccentric house like this, but I think we are the kind who could. I love that with all the weird it is 100% original, right down to the sea blue lowboy toilets and spitting fish faucets. No bad add ons and it actually makes sense.

We are submitting our offer today. Wish us luck they take the lower offer so we can afford to fix the stuff that needs fixing. I'll be obligated to shoot some sets there, maybe have younger girls come and shoot sets there.

Yesterday sucked, I wrecked my car . I have been stuck at home for days with all the homework and yesterday I finally had to get out and get pet food and buy my husband some new clothes for work because he has been looking a bit shabby to me. He hates shopping so I go and pick stuff out bring it home, he tries it on and I return what he doesn't like. I got him and my son a bunch of nice stuff and then went to Petsmart to spoil the pets. I ended up buying some new fish for my fish tank. I also bought an African dwarf frog.

Last year when I bought one from Petsmart it was infected with the deadly chytrid fungus which is extincting frogs globally. I have read in 10 years we may not have any amphibians left in the world or only a very few species. The frog from Petsmart infected my entire collection and I lost them all I complained to the store manager and told them if there tanks are infected this is a serious problem. They acted like they cared though not as much as I think they should. So I gave them a year to figure out the problem. The frog I bought yesterday has the chytrid fungus. I'm really pissed about it. Every sick frog which leaves that store and the other stores which also have it could potentially extinct every amphibian in the area. The fungus lives in the water so if someone dumps their tank out in their garden every amphibian could die because of how they travel and congregate for mating the impact could be HUGE!! I'm very unhappy that they have not taken this seriously. I'm treating the sick frog. It will probably die. Petsmarts corporate offices are not far from my house so I think I am going to try to get an appointment with someone there. I don't know if they care but contributing to what is an extinction level event should be a concern of theirs.

As I was backing out of my parking stall, thinking about the frogs and how I was going to present my complaint to them and try to get them to take me seriously (because I cry when I talk about a world without frogs and toads) and not think I'm too emotional or crazy there was another car 2 stalls over out of my line of sight backing out too. The way we backed out, we were never out of one another's blind spot. We were both in shock that we hit because it was all clear and we both backed out slowly and never saw one another. I re enacted the accident with a couple of books and when I did that I totally could see how we were both totally paying attention and using our mirrors and looking over our shoulders and still completely missed one another. It was just bad luck So my car is all banged up. We both hit each others drivers side rear quarter panels right at the A pillar. He hit my wheel too so the car drives all wonky now. For such a low impact there is a fair amount of damage, crumpled metal, scratched paint and then the wheel feeling off. To my and the other guys credit, we both told the same story and our claim is already settled in the fairest way I could see settling it. 50/50. My insurance is paying half of my and his damages and his insurance is paying half of my and his damages and our insurances are paying half of our deductibles. The best thing would have been not getting into an accident but at least it was with other honest people and there is no BS. Last time I got into a parking lot bump, it was less bad than this, 12 years ago, and the girl was 4 weeks pregnant so she went to the ER and filed for pain and suffering and went to a chiropractor and tried to get a lawyer. The paint on her car was scuffed, I had no damage to my car. Really a lawyer and a chiropractor and the emergency room and a pain and suffering claim? It was retarded and totally white trash. Especially because her male companion was in the car smoking. Yeah, she was really worried about her baby......

I've probably gone insane. I'm in the home stretch for a degree, not the one I'm ultimately getting but I found out if I get this degree first I get to learn a few added skills and having it will negate my need for a math class I don't want to take. In order to keep moving along, I'm taking 10 credits in 8 weeks. We'll see how this works out. It's the equivilant of taking 20 credits in one semester. I think I'm up for the challenge.

I wish I had won that scholarship I was going for a few months ago. I had the second to most votes but the judges aparently had a certain look in mind and it wasn't my dog. They picked all pictures of people with their families or babies to be more specific. My elephant man husband and my 17 year old child probably wouldn't have passed the judges scrutiny either. It's a shame. I found out there is an opportunity to do a summer class at a really awesome school because I'm an honors student but the tuition is incredibly high. With that scholarship I probably could have squeezed the rest out of my budget but as it is, I'm not working, our savings was pretty much wiped out with the economy and my son and I are both in school. It would just be too much.

Oh well, I'm just keeping on plugging along. Nothing else I can really do

Groupon has laser hair removal for $8 a session! I'm kind of sad because I've been paying $50 a session. If anyone is interested and in the AZ area, this is a really good deal. I thought I'd share, so many people are interested but seem reluctant to spend $700+ on it.