Is it normal/healthy for your boyfriend to look at porn every time you leave the house and lie about it?
EDIT: I have called him on it 3 times now.
So it's okay if you live with someone romantically to look at porn often? (to me this suggest something lacking in the sex life/attraction area) cause really it makes me feel insecure and unattractive and he knows this. It would be different if he wanted to watch it together or if we didn't have a chance to have sex often so he needed to relieve some tension. He has no desire to watch it with me and we could do it everyday if we wanted.....

Edit later on:
Gotcha... thanks for all the responses, it is funny how different boys and girls look at everything... had a good talk this evening, that was only one of a few things that were bothering me but i think this one I might have to let slide as long as it doesn't interfere with sex when/what I want.

Horrah.

Grey's Anatomy is over dramatic but I cry every episode.

Can't stop listening to the new City and Colour.

I've been eating instant rice noodle soups and cliff bars for like 4 days cause I'm outta groceries except when I went to the Foundation for lunch with ifwinterends yesterday... gym's been closed but I lost 2 pounds hahaha.

This is my handsome.... (you can see me in my undies first thing in the morning in the mirror)


I loves him.


Sorry I'm boring.

OMIGOD How fucking cool is this?!?! URBANPIRATE is the awesomest!! My jaw actually hit the keyboard when I saw it, I love love love it!!



And to start the morning... a Rise Against song that comes on often in my iPod while I run endlessly on gym equipment, it hits the spot.

Hrrm... update. I got a RAD ASS JOB and I'm knocking on wood when I say this cause I don't want it to turn sour. But it's being an assistant manager to a low income housing project that is government funded. Finally something that PAYS AWESOME, its only 3 days a week for now (which is still more than enough to cover my expenses) and if I pick up hours I'll just start getting ahead in life for once, financially anyways. I have to commute to New Westminster but whatevs, and its something I can morally feel good about (unlike make up school), and I'll be kept busy with numerous tasks so I'm not at a desk all day but not run off my feet.

Got wasted for the first time in forever on saturday, it was fun. I had to do a TFCD photoshoot again for the same photographer I worked with last time, Erin McWhirter, was fun but I wasn't in the mood. Can't wait to see more from it though, I feel like my face isn't very believable in this one .



And as always... I still feel like life is at a standstill other than the new job thing, I always feel stressed, anxious, and emotional and I can't do anything about it without sounding like a broken record so I sit and watch Grey's Anatomy on DVD (into season two now, apparently I look like Addison (Kate Walsh)) I think it's just the buggy eyes.

And I HATE HATE HATE that the BK and A&W veggie burgers are not vegan, neither are the buns, and fuck the fries aren't either so it sucks being a drunk hungry vegan and well once in a blue moon I have to fucking cave in and just eat the damn meal with no mayo and cheese even though there is egg and dairy in the bun and the patty, so what the shit. It tasted good at 3am while I soaked my feet in the bathtub, much like yam tempura rolls at the eatery taste good and they are also FULLA EGGS! Fuck... I know, cry me a river. But seriously... I'm fucking proud that I don't rape/kill animals for what they got and I like to keep it that way as much as humanly possibly but I also have the appetite/ eating capacity of a 16 year old boi.

Saw the movie Juno finally,... absolutely loved it, and this quote, I often wonder if it's possible cause the thought makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

Edit: I do live with a boi that I love like crazy but we've had our share of rough times and it's only been 5 months... I guess it's cause I'm a big love sick, sappy, romantic, needy, high expectations kinda girl and I sometimes wish I'd get the same back.

YARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pirate needs love and support - babe, when I read your blog I started crying after the first line as flashbacks and feelings took over me. I am so terribly sorry that you have to go through this, it's not something I would wish upon anyone after going through it myself. May 16, 2007

As long as he knows you are there if he needs you and your family, that is all you can do, and there isn't anything you could have done to change it. They don't always come around after hitting rock bottom, we all know my brother hasn't, but I'm going to have as much faith as I can that yours will. My dad did, he had to look death right in the face before he realized he didn't want to go yet - LOVE YOU to the end of the world and back - I'm not working this week, you better call me, I'll come running if you need a hug, and I mean that literally.

I like photo blogs so here.

New hair dye


Done by my awesome stylist/friend Vanessa at Zinc
Me and V


Boi's band "Edges of Seven" opened for Econoline Crush last weekend - I didn't try to match his guitar but I did match my shoes to my belt and hair you just can't see them


Pirate came to show her support and love for me (at least I'll pretend she does cause I loves her)


my rockstar


got a RAD free shirt from SG today for having a set in hopefulls - thanks Lavonne for the heads up - perhaps I'll get a photo of my sexy ass in it some day - in the meantime go love my hopefull set Still Blooming


sample photo from a photoshoot I did for Erin McWhirter with a random male model





old boss found this link of me topless last month teehee Alt Girl

Okay so I don't love Peta but I am VEGAN and I think this pic is rad for some reason, I'd love to do something like it. In fact I'd also really like to do another SG shoot if there were any photographers wanting to take on the project that is me.



That's all I got - same old same ol - i need a job

I know how much Starla loves it when people post lyrics to songs they didn't write... but this just came on in my iPod and some familiarity came over me.

"Maybe"

I'm strong
But I break
I'm stubborn
And I make plenty of mistakes
Yeah I'm hard
And life with me is never easy
To figure out, to love
I'm jaded but oh so lovely
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe

Someday
When we're at the same place
When we're on the same road
When it's OK to hold my hand
Without feeling lost
Without all the excuses
When it's just because you love me, you let me, you need me
Then maybe, maybe
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe

I'm confusing as hell
I'm north and south
And I'll probably never have it all figured out
But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you
And I promise I'll try
Yeah I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me
Every single detail you missed with your eyes
Then maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe

One day
We'll meet again and you'll need me, you'll see me completely
Every little bit
Oh yeah maybe you'll love me, you'll love me then

I don't want to be tough
And I don't want to be proud
I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found
I'm not lost
I need to be loved
I just need to be loved
I just want to be loved by you and I won't stop 'cause I believe
That maybe, yeah maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe

I should know better than to touch the fire twice
But I'm thinking maybe, yeah maybe you're mine

Maybe, love maybe

It's been one year today since I took my clothes off for Lavonne.
Thanks to everyone who reads this - especially those who were around in May when I really needed the support - and I'm sorry for all the EMO blogs. I've been havin' a hard go at life since I got back from Colombia but I keep plugging away.

Pirate and I are on a 12 day Wild Rose herbal detox cleanse thing right now. I hadn't slipped until she made me drink two vodka drinks last night at the Simian Special (Kooper Kain side project) show last night. She's a bad influence that one... just kidding I loves her. It's not that hard of a diet to follow if you're already vegan unless you love wheat products, which I don't... I'm used to cooking for two though so I gotta get creative. Last night I made salad wraps with brown rice, veggies, and avocados with an almond/braggs/ginger dip.. TASTY. The boi ate three cheese pizza pops, go figure.

I lost my job yesterday... it's a long story but it sucks cause now I'm used to the mon-fri 9-5 deal and I don't wanna work some shitty customer service job with shitty hours and shitty pay again.. so the search begins.

New apartment is slowly coming together... I'm also trying to iron out the trials and tribulations of living with a significant other again, it's been a few years. I do love having someone to come home to, and snuggle with in bed.

This morning I did makeup for my friend Melissa's clothing line Adhesif, her stuff is being featured on the show Urban Rush... was kinda fun since I haven't done any since I dropped out of beauty school 3 months ago.

I'm reading an awesome book that ifwinterends lent me called "The Historian" by Elizabeth Kostova, it's about Vampires and it's awesome so far.

I've lost almost 10 pounds since Xmas from stress, lack of late night Burger King runs, and the detox but my muscle tonnage is no longer existent. I want my body from my Still Blooming set back except I don't want that gym schedule back (5 days a week of cardio and 200 sit ups a day). Though I am going to start going back at least a few times a week so I can feel good about bikini season.

I don't have any fun photos really to update you with, every weekend when I get all dolled up to go out I bring my camera but I never take any pictures... but I do have a couple of fun photo shoots lined up with some photographers I've connected with on Model Mayhem. They aren't nude but I think they'll be fun and I'll be sure to post when I get them.

Speaking of Still Blooming - it was rejected so go give it some love if you haven't already, or just do it again cause you wanna.


Me and my one and only Oskar.


Good for a laugh - what a bad boi!


I was bored...


Okay BLAH BLAH BLAH that's it. I'm going to the grocery store to get more yams and brown rice crackers, horray!!!!!

EDit: Just in time for Valentine's day - the man who knows the way to my heart - the new City and Colour album came out yesterday!