SuicideGirl: Maxi
suicidegirl

Maxi don\'t come here without an appetite

I’m private
 
MARCH 7, 2011 @ 01:16 PM


Eventually


If you still have parents that are living you are going to have to watch them grow old, and deteriorate and become the parent as they become the patient.
I have always been the parent, I am use to being the responsible one out of the small blood lines.

Recently My mom got bit by her little lap dog, her hand looked horrible in less than 6 hours after the bite. I urged her to get it looked at, even after she said her dog had all his shots and she was allergic to tetanus.

When she arrived at the hospital, they took her vitals, she currently has no insurance, a whole other story it's self.
Her blood pressure was 200, high enough for her to have a stroke, she had high cholesterol, an inactive thyroid. this is what happens when you don't go to the doctor on a regular basis.I had to go back and forth with the doctors to clear up why my mother was on Valium that she was currently getting illegally since she has been 20 for panic attacks.
She said she had blurry vision and headaches earlier,Things you don't think of and brush off as typical temporary symptoms that will pass.
This time it was a blessing that her dog bit her, I can't help thinking things happens for a reason
.
After she was admitted to the hospital, I spent a lot of time back and forth between the hospital and her little yellowed apartment tending to her tiny dog, I took this picture of her night table. I found cigarette burns in her rug and her comforter. Signs of possible accidents waiting to happen.

This is my mothers 2nd time coming close to death in the past 10 years, amongst her many other times of being admitted to a hospital on an emergency basis. I can't count how many times I have visited my mother in various hospitals over 30 something years. It's amazing she is still alive and has all her wits about her for a woman in her late 60's who endured self abuse and been abused. It may be that seeing her small and frail but pulling through each time, is why I am able to hold it together and not panic.

However each time my sister is faced with my mother's pending death, she falls apart like an old cracker.
I think it's guilt driven, I have never worried my mother with the exception of one incident where i didn't come home till 5 am when i was 15 years old.
If she died this time, I would have a clear conscience that I was a good daughter and she was proud of the woman I have become despite the obstacles put in front of me.
Part of me thinks I'm ready for when she doesn't pull through, even though I know I will be beyond devastated.
Her and I talk often about what will happen when that day comes, I know it's morbid, but we also watch movies like Mommie Dearest instead of football on Thanksgiving.
Comments
MutantBaby1

MutantBaby1

USA
March 2009

MAR 07, 2011 01:29 PM

frown

bedheadchicken

bedheadchicken

Rutherford, NJ
March 2003

MAR 07, 2011 01:56 PM

oh boy. I'm so sorry to hear this. there's nothing to say except that sometimes life is very hard.

I've heard you talk about your mom before and I know it's been a tough road. All I can say is that you're her legacy and you're something to be proud of. So in that respect her time here has been incredibly meaningful so far. She can be proud of that and proud of you.

Anguis

Anguis

HOPEFUL

I'm lost

MAR 07, 2011 02:31 PM

so sad, you must be very strong up the mood!wink

StCyr

StCyr

Louisville, KY
March 2007

MAR 07, 2011 04:24 PM

unfortunately, I can relate all too well. Sometimes watching your parents [or one of them] self-destruct is harder than actually have them pass & I think I'd have preferred seeing my dad moribund than reduced to the shell of person he’s become and just . . . linger there. My best to you, and her.

Kay

Kay

SUICIDEGIRL

Antarctica

MAR 07, 2011 05:04 PM

I hate to even consider how bad I might react to my mother finally succumbing to our disease. Ugh.

actonjacton

actonjacton

Phoenix, AZ
October 2003

MAR 07, 2011 05:48 PM

My parents are in their 70's and across the country. I'm starting to think about moving back to Florida just because none of their 4 boys live near them and I feel bad about that. I lived down there for 7 years total before and can tolerate it. Sometimes obsess about this.

ron4164

ron4164

Ponchatoula, LA
January 2007

MAR 07, 2011 07:36 PM

kiss kiss
You are amazing!
Wishing you and your mom all the best!

bendingunit23

bendingunit23

Canada
April 2005

MAR 07, 2011 07:37 PM

It surprises me how well you do with the contuning saga that is your family.

jman76

jman76

Parlier, CA
March 2004

MAR 07, 2011 09:35 PM

I am like that with my family, I have taken the postion of being the strong one. Hang in there Maxi. I will pray for your mom

sminks

sminks

HOPEFUL

United Kingdom

MAR 08, 2011 02:30 AM

You are such a good daughter and I am sure she knows she is loved. Hope your okay hon x

JoeMallik

JoeMallik

Milwaukee, WI
April 2007

MAR 08, 2011 06:58 AM

Animals _know_. The dog could sense she was sick, and bit her because of it. Now everyone else knows, too. I've read about a dolphin, a tame dolphin in a pool, headbutted a tourist, right in the gut. She was taken to the hospital for an x-ray and a sizeable cancer tumor was discovered. So, thank the dog for biting her. Give him extra treats or belly rubs or whatever it is he _really likes_.
Take it one day at a time. Trite, I know, but true.

Gadget

Gadget

SUICIDEGIRL

New Hampshire, USA

MAR 08, 2011 10:13 AM

Go pup!

Chalko

Chalko

Sacramento, CA
September 2005

MAR 08, 2011 11:18 AM

I know just what you're going through and it's never easy. I believe you are a strong woman, but things like this still hurt. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mother. Stay strong beautiful.

wtk10025

wtk10025

New York, NY
November 2006

MAR 09, 2011 03:22 PM

Thoughts are with you. My own folks are both now in their 80s. Both have had heart attacks in the past 5 years. My mother has also had a stroke. Today they are both reasonably fine consideringe--. Tomorrow?

mattacme

mattacme

Calistoga, CA
February 2006

MAR 10, 2011 09:29 AM

Sounds as though you're relationship with your mother is really pretty clean, all things considered. I'm thinking that is 99.9% because you have made it and kept it that way and I commend you for it. It is not easy to be the child of a parent who operates in an unconventional manner, but so long as we can accept them as they are while still remaining who we are then there is every chance for a respectful, "healthy" unconventional parent/child relationship.

You have noted your sister's behaviors previously so her crumbling comes as no surprise. I hope that isn't hugely disruptive to you and your mom, and I hope that you can continue to remain such a good comrade to your mother as she moves on to whatever next phase of her life she moves on to. She is hugely fortunate to have you around, but you know that, right?

Is she in Boston? If so, how does it work that she has no health coverage? I thought there was some sort of state wide requirement thingy going on, but have been here in California for 11 years and don't follow it too closely.

Best wishes.

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