SuicideGirl: Maxi
suicidegirl

Maxi don\'t come here without an appetite

I’m private
 
MARCH 24, 2009 @ 01:20 PM


I'm not bitching, I'm worrying.



I feel torn between positive and negative lately, I feel like i have lots to be positive about, and usually I'm very good at omitting the negative and only concentrate on the positive. I haven't really had the usual seasonal depression lately, Part of me thinks i dodged the usual SAD and part of me thinks it's Post seasonal depression, what ever that is.

I just got a new car this week, my very 1st car. I'm a bit of a late bloomer I guess.
And though i am leasing it's a whole new financial responsibility, and i think that may have killed a little bit of my " 1st Car Glee "
Esp considering it's a crappy economical time.

Either lack of heat or warmth, i am feeling unattractive or soft, and not Soft in a good way. Soft like Old fruit.
I have shoots planned out the ass right now, a 2 day workshop
Trips to NY, Atlanta, Vegas and LA all before June.
Now is not a good time to feel a lack of confidence or like old fruit.

I'm also worried about the health and life span of my dogs, and Mother. neither which are in any dire straights but the inevitable looming is in the front of my brain for some reason.
I think it could bad case of when shit is going right, something is bound to go wrong. I hate wasting energy on thoughts like this, but lately they seem to be haunting me.

As far as my relationship goes, it's temperamental, some days it's bliss and other day's I'm reminded or told it's just going through the motions. and I'm usually told this when i think things are going nicely, which then puts me in a shitty mood, and what else am i to do but continue life.

Things could be better, but then they sure could be worse.
Instead i am wasting energy and emotions thinking and worrying about shit that will eventually happen but has yet to.
Comments
MutantBaby1

MutantBaby1

USA
March 2009

MAR 24, 2009 01:26 PM

Keep your head up cutie smile kiss

JUST_ERIC

JUST_ERIC

Fort Myers, FL
November 2002

MAR 24, 2009 01:30 PM

i think that we all go through times like that I recently had the same thing go on i my life. Just try to stay focused on the possitve and things will straighten out and mabey even better. Always remember that you are a strong beautiful woman who is incharge of your life and any thing that you put your mind to you will achieve!

PS. congrate on the car....

LOTS OF LOVE,

Eric kiss love kiss love

Sabre

Sabre

I'm lost
June 2004

MAR 24, 2009 01:42 PM

You said it....no matter how bad things seem, they can always be WORSE!

I try to keep thinking that despite the things that bring me down from time to time. I have a lot more great blessings in my life than I have stuff to bring me down or to worry about.

Acknowledge the negative, but accentuate the POSITIVE!

That's my theory and I'm stickin' to it!

smile love kiss blush

Happyboy

Happyboy

Berkeley, CA
December 2004

MAR 24, 2009 02:06 PM

You and I are about the same age and a little over a year ago, I started worrying about my folks too. They are both in their late sixties, my mom recently got an artifical hip and may need to have the other done as well and my Dad is currently battling prostate cancer which is going well since they caught it early. It just makes you think of how when you were little, you thought your parents were invincible, would always be there and then you get older and impending maturity and brutally honest reality inform you otherwise. It makes you think of your own mortality and all that encompasses. I think you and I are on the cusp of our mid-life crisis. I just wish that when I hit mine I could have looked back and done as much as you, I guess I'll have to perform many profound things over the next few years to make up the difference as best I can. I'm not rerally sure what's worse, having a lot of things on your mind, to worry and care about or being carefree. It's a toss up some times, not really sure

Siouxsie

Siouxsie

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

MAR 24, 2009 02:59 PM

god do i know this feeling wayyyyy to much. im sorry. i hope things get better.

Happyboy

Happyboy

Berkeley, CA
December 2004

MAR 24, 2009 03:27 PM

Mmmmm, a Member's Only jacket ....oh, crap! eeek Okay, Johnny Varvatos, Swiss Army...it's going to be okay...As for that ponytail though, I wish i could still grow one, I would never do it, I just wish that I could blush

Allied

Allied

Norwalk, CT
April 2004

MAR 24, 2009 04:09 PM

I'm experiencing similar feelings, so I empathize. Good luck and hang in there.

S_Eldorado

S_Eldorado

Vancouver, BC
December 2004

MAR 24, 2009 04:27 PM

Sometimes it's good to worry because it's our way of checking in with ourselves and our situations - just don't let yourself do it for too long.

I know you'll figure everything out - you always do. You're kind of amazing actually smile

kiss

turtle_powah

turtle_powah

I'm lost
October 2008

MAR 24, 2009 05:05 PM

the guy you're with needs to get dumped. maybe then he'll understand how lucky he was to have you and how you're so much better than him.

commonman

commonman

USA
August 2003

MAR 24, 2009 05:57 PM

I hear you. It's been too long since we had green plants and sun. I think it's making my brain and body soft. Sometimes I think I'm getting old, but then I realize I've just been immobile for too long. Going to ATL, Vegas, and LA should help get the blood flowing and let you soak up some heavy UV rays.

As for lifespans, it's hard to avoid the realization that all life ends sometime, but focusing on that reality isn't going to change it. Focus on today, go take your beautiful dogs for a walk or drive your new car fast (not too fast) on a curvy road, blow off some steam.

As for relationships, I go through the motions as much as I don't. We all do. When you're with someone long enough you get so used to them the day-to-day just gets boring sometimes. It's the downside of having a good, stable relationship. Maybe you could shake it up a bit: how would he look in you maids outfit from your last set?

vegasdaddy

vegasdaddy

Vatican City
July 2006

MAR 25, 2009 07:23 AM

Your trip to Vegas should cheer you up.
Try the Lobster Bisque at the new M casino that opened up a few weeks ago.
Much much better than Korean food.
Old fruit ??? Remember what I told you about Sophia Loren. kiss

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