the past couple of months have been pretty close to hell, but i'm finally starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

yesterday, i had a biopsy to determine the severity of what my doctor's believe to be cervical cancer. kind of a bummer. i feel like someone punched me in the vag. But it's a huge relief. I know that next Friday, I will know for sure whats going on and what my treatment will be.

From this, i've learned that i need to stop saying that someday i will have all of these grand adventures. who the fuck knows if you will be here tomorrow? that's why i've decided to buy a ticket to europe for May. i will be spending 3 weeks touring around the following countries:

France
Belgium
Netherlands
Germany
Denmark
Sweden

i've asked the girls in the SG lounge to give me ideas on the following things, but i would love any sort of advice:

must-see sights
museums
clubs
concerts/shows
tattoo parlors/artists

i'm a poor college kid, but im tired of living my life waiting for the "perfect opportunity."

here is my usual picture update:

i'm getting drunk, alone at 2am on tequila sunrises, watching the same episode of Futurama that i've seen at least 10 times. trying to figure out how to say something to someone...

enjoy a little bit of my body:

i don't have much to say. i haven't felt quite so vocal lately. you can always ask me questions or just pop into my life to chat if you want hope all is well, beautiful humanoids.

here are some photos of the past month:

i'm busy, i'm sorry...



















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been reading an excellent book:

"'I am twenty-five years old, and, although I am still young, I am beyond any doubt approaching the hour of my death.
I have suffered much, and I have suffered alone! Alone! Forsaken by everyone! My place was not marked out in this world that shunned me, that had cursed me. Not a living creature was to share in this immense sorrow that seized me when I left my childhood, at that age when everything is beautiful, because everything is young and bright with future.
That age did not exist for me. As soon as I reached that age, I instinctively drew apart from the world, as if I had already come to understand that I was to live in it as a stranger.''
— Herculine Barbin


good vibes for all. hopefully, i can come back soon.

i've been so busy that i have let my darling little bush get wild...



and it's amazing. my bush is possibly my best friend, that is, behind Absolution

speaking of, there may be amazing, wet fun coming from us soon. just let me say, it was dirty fun to get clean...

busy busy busy busy busy busy buzy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy....

i love it when you use a word so much that it begins to look foreign and incorrect. learning a new language, this happens to me often. i find myself misspelling words in english because i've confused it with french. i spell airport as aeroport all the time. it's like my ability to communicate is stuck in limbo between two languages and makes no sense to anyone. c'est d'accord. ces jours-ci, je prefere etre etrange.

there isn't really much to say, so here are some photos of my adventures:



















my garden is doing very well! we've been eating so much squash...














i wrote this a little while ago. i've been struggling with gender roles and social expectations for much of my life, especially growing up in the american south, aka the bible belt. i've see so many people trying to adhere to the constraints of what "makes" a man or woman and it drives me insane. this is just a quick rant about my personal experience:

I’ve started to lose touch with my feminimity. Not in a “ive been skipping the skirts and just wearing stretchy pants” kind of way. I’ve worn skirts, dresses, makeup, bras, all of it. It just doesn’t hold any connection to being female for me. I can look in a mirror and see all of the parts that are supposed to make me recognize that I am female in sex, but I just can’t make that connection. When I look at myself, I see skin, hair, muscles, bruises, scratches. My body has become about function and reactions to my environment. Nothing about my body suggests a sex to me. I’ve always struggled with being a slightly detached person, introverted in my true form, extroverted out of necessity to further myself in society. It feels as if my mind is starting to remove itself from my body. My body has simply become a protective shell for my mind, a way to feed my mind. A shell doesn’t require a gender I suppose. It’s just a matter of health. A matter of my body being strong enough to perform the actions my mind wishes. It’s like I’m that cockroach guy from Men in Black. Yeah, we’ll go with that halfassed humor and call it a night.

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here are some songs that i've been crazy about lately:


shew, such a handsome man and great voice.


i watched Heima recently and was just blown away. Iceland is so beautiful and Sigur Ros is a very talented band. Every time i listen to them, i want to invest in a nice pair of brushes for my drums.
i'm also pretty sure that the children in the video are awakening my ovaries. i've never been a fan of kids, but they are so precious.

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anyway, i hope everyone is doing well! enjoy everyday and be a positive force in the universe.

i know, i'm such a flake, but i have great reasons to not be on the computer!

1) I now work 3 jobs and im taking extra classes this summer, so i have zero time to sit down and actually type out a blog these days. I really apologize. You guys are all so nice and interesting that I actually miss interacting with everyone.



Job#3 is cleaning empty apartments before they are rented out.

2) There is a pretty lady that keeps me rather busy! It's been nice seeing her so much the past few weeks and going on adventures with her and her rad husband. If you aren't aware, Absolution is my absolute best friend.



She is so amazing, and has helped me through some tough times over the past couple of years.

3)CATS CATS CATS!









we have 5 cats all together. it's not as crazy as it sounds. we have a rather large house with a large basement that is storage and catzone.

4) my new passion: gardening! i can't get enough of it. i wake up everyday and just stare at my plants.


mammoth sunflowers! they have gotten even taller since i took this picture earlier in the week!


my veggie garden. corn, beans, and squash. i've never kept any plant alive (other than my bamboo from 5 years ago), so to see so many little plants flourish like this is just beautiful. friends who are growing gardens and i are going to trade produce for produce. i can't explain how much my garden means to me. i'm pretty sure they are growing on my good vibes!


just a close of up the corn! today, it was as high as my knees!

5) i'm trying to love photography and art the way i used to... before i became so busy... i'm not great by any means, but i love taking pictures with my shitty phone so much.









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good vibes for all of you. i truly wish everyone the best!

and i still really appreciate all of the love for my set in member review. it's going to stay up forever, bought or not. i just like to share little pretty parts of my life with you guys. if you haven't gotten to enjoy, or just want to enjoy it again, and again, and again, please click here:Milky Soft -Maslow

thanks to everyone who has commented, loved, hated, wanked it, or just admired my set in member review. i appreciate all of it. hopefully, i will have time to properly thank you all soon! very very busy.

now it's time to try to wake up and head to my 2nd job...



this is how i look when i don't want to wake up, but have to... so sleepy...

So my dear friends, mark your calenders for May 7th:

Milky Soft - Maslow



I hope you are as excited as I am

yeah, so i've been busy. it happens. there have been nights that i've only managed to steal 3 hours of sleep and days when i can't remember the last time i've eaten. it probably wouldn't be so stressful if i didn't care. i think i'm a bit of a masochist. i love doing things that tear me down, physically and mentally. it allows me to feel alive, like i'm pushing myself to the very edge.

good news for the perverts and peepers out there... i have a incredibly well-done set on the way to member review. it's being tweaked and touched, but once it's perfect, you will get to enjoy.

until then, here are photographs of my ever busy life:


my secret garden


my more-public garden of sunflowers


laboring away and getting high on fumes


a blurry photo of myself and the ever so lovely Absolution going on a date to a zombie party


my new baby and favorite form of transportation


spring is coming...