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its a full moon. its beautiful.
have you ever experienced an endless dawn? it only happens when you flying west for a long long time. since the travellor in me is restless, and since i have been recently surrounded by those who are in some way "en route", i have been rather nostagicly going through my old journal by a window under the moon. i came across this entry, which i wrote from an airplane while flying over northern greenland and the northern-most reaches of eastern canada....closer to the north pole than to civilisation as we understand it.
early spring 2004.
it seems somewhere along the way i have passed beyond time. suddenly i have seen and lived through the longest dawn of my life. the flight was timed just so.
this is what an endless beginning looks like: A reddish-gold line far far away on the horizon, which is eery and beautiful and oddly cold like there is a hidden blue wearing red-gold clothes. This separates a sea of black and stars from another curdled sea of clouds, and this view has not changed or matured for hours now, and so, i wonder, has time literally passed? time is partially determined by the sun and by the hours that pass as the sun moves around wherever you are. if you are moving as fast as the sun can rise, have you technically cheated time?
finally now the clouds part for a while, and time comes back. the stars go away and in their place i see the cold line evolve into a huge vibrant blood red sun, like something rolled up the whole horizon that had followed me west into a ball, and now it was erupting over what i suddenly realise in awe is a vast, surreal and desolate landscape of snow and ice that goes so deep and so far you cant tell where the ocean begins and where it ends, and which are mountains and which are canyons....its all one calm blue-white lonely blanket.
suddenly the flight attendent offers me coffee or tea and the hour rushes in like an annoyed boyfriend.
that was a cool morning.
now when i see the sun set behind the pyramids at giza i will be satisfied.
for the moment.
have you ever experienced an endless dawn? it only happens when you flying west for a long long time. since the travellor in me is restless, and since i have been recently surrounded by those who are in some way "en route", i have been rather nostagicly going through my old journal by a window under the moon. i came across this entry, which i wrote from an airplane while flying over northern greenland and the northern-most reaches of eastern canada....closer to the north pole than to civilisation as we understand it.
early spring 2004.
it seems somewhere along the way i have passed beyond time. suddenly i have seen and lived through the longest dawn of my life. the flight was timed just so.
this is what an endless beginning looks like: A reddish-gold line far far away on the horizon, which is eery and beautiful and oddly cold like there is a hidden blue wearing red-gold clothes. This separates a sea of black and stars from another curdled sea of clouds, and this view has not changed or matured for hours now, and so, i wonder, has time literally passed? time is partially determined by the sun and by the hours that pass as the sun moves around wherever you are. if you are moving as fast as the sun can rise, have you technically cheated time?
finally now the clouds part for a while, and time comes back. the stars go away and in their place i see the cold line evolve into a huge vibrant blood red sun, like something rolled up the whole horizon that had followed me west into a ball, and now it was erupting over what i suddenly realise in awe is a vast, surreal and desolate landscape of snow and ice that goes so deep and so far you cant tell where the ocean begins and where it ends, and which are mountains and which are canyons....its all one calm blue-white lonely blanket.
suddenly the flight attendent offers me coffee or tea and the hour rushes in like an annoyed boyfriend.
that was a cool morning.
now when i see the sun set behind the pyramids at giza i will be satisfied.
for the moment.
hi everyone. sooooooo......been a while. a friend came to hawaii to visit me after the last entry was written, and i was busy, then soon after he left i lost my job because the business lost its lease for a location. i was trying to save all this money for school and suddenly i was screwed. not only was i displaced and trying to figure out what was next but i also did not really feel like explaining to everyone all my frustrations. so i took a vacation from the computer, partially becuse i moved out of my apartment and no longer had internet at home.
but im back. and i have created solutions for myself. my portfolio schedule id finally back on track...its so fkn annoying to be all excited about a painting and then have to pack it up and waste time and look for a new place when you should be doing art.
heres some news that might be surprising... in the interest of saving more money for school and moving to europe this spring, i have moved back to the mainland from hawaii, and now i find myself in the strange alternate reality that is Las Vegas.
personally, i would not choose this city as a place to live. people here seem to either be highly materialistic, or they were dreamers who were chewed up by this world and spit out on fremont street with no apology.
but i am here because i dont want to ever be stuck in some high quality new housing development droning out to the rebellious youth that pass through my kitchen..."you think i dont understand but i do...travel now whilst yer young cause later you'll have all these things to do and pay for....i know cause i used to be wild!! wanted to be a painter, and live in italy...i even used to pose nude in websites and books! but evenually we all grow up." im here because ive seen that and heard that speech so many times, but then ive also met so many people who did what they wanted to do with their lives, and still are doing it!!! And even as young as i am i know it isnt for a privilaged few, its for everyone who faces a certain moment or several moments where they have to decide whether they will listen to everyone who says "if its meant to be it will happen eventually"..... or "take care of business and security first, and save your dream for after you are comfortable"....etc. OR whether they will ask themselves "what is the very most i am capable of, and what can i try and what can i sacrifice, to find a way to that thing i want for my life, and what is really worth worrying about?"
so, i asked myself this when i lost my job. i went back to portland oregon and tried to clear my head with old friends and PBR and silent brainstorms. i have only several months left before i must be prepared to move to europe, and if i dont do it, it wont happen. i will have to turn down any scholarship i am offered. so, because im not stuck in a housing developement yet, and i am still wild, i said FUK IT!
i took my little self to vegas with a vision....and alittle urgency too......and decided to try my luck at being a showgirl one last time.
so, i arrived in town and checked myself into a hostel. yikes!!!!! you have NO idea the loops through which women go to take their bras off in this town!!!!!!! it seems like an endless stream of paperwork. let it suffice to say that my arrival was anti-climatic considering i had entertained headphones-in-bed-dreams of squaring my shoulders, waltzing into a club my first day, wiggling on stage and having the money for my week at the hostel that very night. well. huh.it took a whole week to get thru the loops just to be allowed to work. but when it was over i was very lucky to get easily hired at pretty much the best club in vegas, or so everyone says.
im working nights at the Spearmint Rhino. that little tidbit is for all the LA people who emailed me that i should F*** san fran last june and work in vegas. Make good on yer threats!!!- come give me money for school!!!!
wow is all i can say. its intense. it feels like a zoo in there sometimes, buta really wild, glamourous zoo filled with exotic birds. pumped with silicone. hahaha......
really its not like san fran. over there the guys at the club wanted you to lie and pretend that dating them and having sex with them was the best thing you were capable of thinking of, and thinking of much else hurt yer head. i am just not good at lying like that. ha haaha one night in sf some guy asked me what id like to do to him to please him, and i said with a smile, "not a damn thing, baby".
in vegas its different. people come here specifically to party and do "the clubs". not to develop a harem of dumb girlfriends, neccessarily. they know that if they try to waste your time then you will walk away because theres a thousand other people who want to see you dance. sleasy people are everywhere, but here the sheer numbers balance out the ratio.
i just started...all i know for sure now is that it will be an interesting experience in life, and im all for that. and if things continue at the rate theyve begun then nothing stands in my way of going to school where i want, and travelling where i want.
WILLPOWER!!!!! heck yes!!!!! hahaha
but im back. and i have created solutions for myself. my portfolio schedule id finally back on track...its so fkn annoying to be all excited about a painting and then have to pack it up and waste time and look for a new place when you should be doing art.
heres some news that might be surprising... in the interest of saving more money for school and moving to europe this spring, i have moved back to the mainland from hawaii, and now i find myself in the strange alternate reality that is Las Vegas.
personally, i would not choose this city as a place to live. people here seem to either be highly materialistic, or they were dreamers who were chewed up by this world and spit out on fremont street with no apology.
but i am here because i dont want to ever be stuck in some high quality new housing development droning out to the rebellious youth that pass through my kitchen..."you think i dont understand but i do...travel now whilst yer young cause later you'll have all these things to do and pay for....i know cause i used to be wild!! wanted to be a painter, and live in italy...i even used to pose nude in websites and books! but evenually we all grow up." im here because ive seen that and heard that speech so many times, but then ive also met so many people who did what they wanted to do with their lives, and still are doing it!!! And even as young as i am i know it isnt for a privilaged few, its for everyone who faces a certain moment or several moments where they have to decide whether they will listen to everyone who says "if its meant to be it will happen eventually"..... or "take care of business and security first, and save your dream for after you are comfortable"....etc. OR whether they will ask themselves "what is the very most i am capable of, and what can i try and what can i sacrifice, to find a way to that thing i want for my life, and what is really worth worrying about?"
so, i asked myself this when i lost my job. i went back to portland oregon and tried to clear my head with old friends and PBR and silent brainstorms. i have only several months left before i must be prepared to move to europe, and if i dont do it, it wont happen. i will have to turn down any scholarship i am offered. so, because im not stuck in a housing developement yet, and i am still wild, i said FUK IT!
i took my little self to vegas with a vision....and alittle urgency too......and decided to try my luck at being a showgirl one last time.
so, i arrived in town and checked myself into a hostel. yikes!!!!! you have NO idea the loops through which women go to take their bras off in this town!!!!!!! it seems like an endless stream of paperwork. let it suffice to say that my arrival was anti-climatic considering i had entertained headphones-in-bed-dreams of squaring my shoulders, waltzing into a club my first day, wiggling on stage and having the money for my week at the hostel that very night. well. huh.it took a whole week to get thru the loops just to be allowed to work. but when it was over i was very lucky to get easily hired at pretty much the best club in vegas, or so everyone says.
im working nights at the Spearmint Rhino. that little tidbit is for all the LA people who emailed me that i should F*** san fran last june and work in vegas. Make good on yer threats!!!- come give me money for school!!!!
wow is all i can say. its intense. it feels like a zoo in there sometimes, buta really wild, glamourous zoo filled with exotic birds. pumped with silicone. hahaha......
really its not like san fran. over there the guys at the club wanted you to lie and pretend that dating them and having sex with them was the best thing you were capable of thinking of, and thinking of much else hurt yer head. i am just not good at lying like that. ha haaha one night in sf some guy asked me what id like to do to him to please him, and i said with a smile, "not a damn thing, baby".
in vegas its different. people come here specifically to party and do "the clubs". not to develop a harem of dumb girlfriends, neccessarily. they know that if they try to waste your time then you will walk away because theres a thousand other people who want to see you dance. sleasy people are everywhere, but here the sheer numbers balance out the ratio.
i just started...all i know for sure now is that it will be an interesting experience in life, and im all for that. and if things continue at the rate theyve begun then nothing stands in my way of going to school where i want, and travelling where i want.
WILLPOWER!!!!! heck yes!!!!! hahaha
do you ever feel as though you are living the middle section of a dream? like you kindof remember how you got here but it grows more blurred as you go into the room. you recognise people but they are also somehow generic. and yet you somehow despite all of that have this...knowing...that theres something you have to keep walking forward towards. and there in the middle all kinds of weird stuff happens...you meet and dine with a mutated dog who will only accept shoelaces for the dinner bill....you are on a suicide mission to save a Q-tip...
i have found an amazing and cheap apartment near my intended school in europe recently and im trying to send the down payment neccessary to secure it asap. its deliciously exciting. feels like one more leap towards...something surreal.
i have a new inspiration. i feel invincible. and im not telling...hahahaha
but it does have to do with a hypnotised santa chasing skipping children who are following a deceptive hippie. and other dork emotions surfacing late in the night.
hehe heeh heh
i bet im going to get a ton of confused emails from strangers over this one. hahahahahahahahaa
suffice it to say im happy. and the art keeps truckin.
there you go...have some animals too while im at it
i have found an amazing and cheap apartment near my intended school in europe recently and im trying to send the down payment neccessary to secure it asap. its deliciously exciting. feels like one more leap towards...something surreal.
i have a new inspiration. i feel invincible. and im not telling...hahahaha
but it does have to do with a hypnotised santa chasing skipping children who are following a deceptive hippie. and other dork emotions surfacing late in the night.
hehe heeh heh
i bet im going to get a ton of confused emails from strangers over this one. hahahahahahahahaa
suffice it to say im happy. and the art keeps truckin.
there you go...have some animals too while im at it
this is just a quick entry today....
1. for all of you that have emailed me about buying the signed new pinup photos, i am opening my po box tomarrow, and i would like you to try to be alittle more specific about the kind of look you are going for because theres lots to choose from. and for a few who mentioned sending contributions to the school fund...goodness! thats awesome....if you guys still want to, keep an eye out tomarrow for the address that i post for the photo buyers. theres still more photos to sell, too, if anyone else wants in on it.
2. ever since i mentioned going to art school ive had a flood of requests to see my artwork. first of all, my scanner doesnt work right now. and anyway even if it did.....
this time period is very intense and pretty personal to me. most of my recent projects...the ones i like better...are still in the works because im doing a bunch of things at once. if any of you are artists, and i know some of you are, then maybe you have experienced first hand how very personal things in the midst of creation can be. its hard enough sometimes to have unwaivering confidence in whether a project is going as you want it to. see, ive wanted to go to art school for many years, but i wanted to travel first. now im finally settled for long enough to create alot again, and i really care about doing this right, and i have to be perfectly honest with you all:
everything i say--- my pictures on this site--- even down to my habits or activities that i mention online, are anaylised and discussed by tons of folks, and then i get emails chalked full of opinions about this or that, or advice on things when i wasnt really needing advice. dont get me wrong, with most things its no big deal and everyone is nice about it....
but i DO NOT want opinions of my art-in-progress from strangers during this very intense working time. i dont want the things im doing to be influenced. i dont want to lose confidence because of a comment, or even worse, stop pushing myself to excell because people say its great as it is.
i appreciate all of the encouragement, but i will post my art when i am finished with the portfolio, and not before. when im ready, you all will see it i promise!
1. for all of you that have emailed me about buying the signed new pinup photos, i am opening my po box tomarrow, and i would like you to try to be alittle more specific about the kind of look you are going for because theres lots to choose from. and for a few who mentioned sending contributions to the school fund...goodness! thats awesome....if you guys still want to, keep an eye out tomarrow for the address that i post for the photo buyers. theres still more photos to sell, too, if anyone else wants in on it.
2. ever since i mentioned going to art school ive had a flood of requests to see my artwork. first of all, my scanner doesnt work right now. and anyway even if it did.....
this time period is very intense and pretty personal to me. most of my recent projects...the ones i like better...are still in the works because im doing a bunch of things at once. if any of you are artists, and i know some of you are, then maybe you have experienced first hand how very personal things in the midst of creation can be. its hard enough sometimes to have unwaivering confidence in whether a project is going as you want it to. see, ive wanted to go to art school for many years, but i wanted to travel first. now im finally settled for long enough to create alot again, and i really care about doing this right, and i have to be perfectly honest with you all:
everything i say--- my pictures on this site--- even down to my habits or activities that i mention online, are anaylised and discussed by tons of folks, and then i get emails chalked full of opinions about this or that, or advice on things when i wasnt really needing advice. dont get me wrong, with most things its no big deal and everyone is nice about it....
but i DO NOT want opinions of my art-in-progress from strangers during this very intense working time. i dont want the things im doing to be influenced. i dont want to lose confidence because of a comment, or even worse, stop pushing myself to excell because people say its great as it is.
i appreciate all of the encouragement, but i will post my art when i am finished with the portfolio, and not before. when im ready, you all will see it i promise!
and im back. basically i spent the last week in sf capitalising on my artistic inspiration rathar than working at that dumb club, becsue it made me uncomfortable most of the time, and i dont do things i dont like.. i am not in california anymore for those of you who are still emailing me about my schedule at the club.....
anyways, life goes back to routine. i was spoiled to see several old, close friends in san francisco and now home seems that much more dull with their absence. sigh.
lately i have been floating on a cloud of air. i bumped into some random person on the sidewalk yesterday while spacing off in dreams with my walkman.
ive been mostly a hermit, drawing manically in my living room and entertaining obsessive thoughts. swami has been super vocal and all over me, curling in balls as close to my face as she can get. i think she missed me alot. i know i missed her.
things are not easy for me right now, i have so much to do to get into that school in europe, plus work, plus other stuff...its overwhelming at times. but exciting too, i feel like im at a turning point. still, despite how hard it may become i feel pretty weightless, pretty wrapped up in my daydreams.
its nice.
anyways, life goes back to routine. i was spoiled to see several old, close friends in san francisco and now home seems that much more dull with their absence. sigh.
lately i have been floating on a cloud of air. i bumped into some random person on the sidewalk yesterday while spacing off in dreams with my walkman.
ive been mostly a hermit, drawing manically in my living room and entertaining obsessive thoughts. swami has been super vocal and all over me, curling in balls as close to my face as she can get. i think she missed me alot. i know i missed her.
things are not easy for me right now, i have so much to do to get into that school in europe, plus work, plus other stuff...its overwhelming at times. but exciting too, i feel like im at a turning point. still, despite how hard it may become i feel pretty weightless, pretty wrapped up in my daydreams.
its nice.
hi everyone i need to let you know whats up i guess...you see, i kinda dont like the way that club works too much. i guess im not quite "the type" for what typically seems to be a way-too-steamy-date environment. so, for those of you who do want to come down and support my school fund, please email me and let me know when you plan to come in....as long as sg members are coming, i will go and have a blast....otherwise im not into the attitude of the general clientel. im not trying to be a snob, but im also not interested in being an absolute slut either....so please please let me know your plans and then come if you say so, cause otherwise im stuck dealing with creeps most the evening!!! hahaha its actually kinda funny to me because i am not especially sensitive and it amuses me the way some guys think they are saying things that will suddenly convince you, as a woman, to forgo any sense of personal morals. that being said i am not opposed to peeling my lingerie off in front of cute, fun people, boy or girl, which is quite obvious im sure seeing as how there is a giant naked picture of me on this screen even as i type and i am sitting rathar conspicuously at an internet cafe in the fucking tenderloin with a small audience loitering behind my back ( i hope they read that...yes that means you, guy with beard!!! haha) anyway, as a sidenote story, id like to give a congrats to the two bartenders of the hemlock bar on polk street who saved my almost-ruined opinion of the place....and stick my imaginary tongue out (most immaturely) at the one blond bartender who needs to take an anger-management class!! he completely freaked out on me as i was walking toward the bar three minutes to closing last night, with my beer, taking a last swig on my way to set it down and exit, when he ran over screaming "get out!!!!" i was kinda shocked for two seconds and i said..."why are you yelling like that?" and he said, "BECAUSE I TOLD YOU TO GET THE FUCK OUT!!!!" and i said "im going right now..." but as the words came out he grabbed my arm really hard and literally dragged me to the door and shoved me out!! the thing that really made no sense is that id had three beers all night, and had silently sat in a corner drawing alone, so there was absolutely no way i could have offended him! but, the story ends like this, outside, two other bartenders came over and apologised very sweetly and explained that blond-ass had a bad experience involving wine or something, and made me decide not to hate the place...so if you read this boys...way to go....i like you! and to the group sitting around me half the night...yes i was eavesdropping alittle and you all need to talk less about how everyone else needs to be more fashion-unique and ask yourself whether or not you are unique in any way, including your own fashion, which strangely resembled every single one of your friends.
anyway im trying to decide whether to head in tonight or not...ugh, i hope one of you people come down and have a drink at least with me.
and to the commenters who reminded me about grants for school..yes of course that is on my list of things to do...i hope very much to gain a full scholarship for school through my portfolio, and will try everything. but you cant always cover it all that way and until someone says HEY i want to fund you, im going to assume it is my responsibility to pay for. and anyway even a full scholarship or huge grant doest always help with the apartment thing or food money, and i hope to be able to get a job out there but everything is pretty hazy now, and i am unwilling to mess up the chance because i didnt do everything i possibly could!! but thanks for the advice!!
okay now im just procrastinating because i really dont want to work tonight....but i should.....sigh.
anyway im trying to decide whether to head in tonight or not...ugh, i hope one of you people come down and have a drink at least with me.
and to the commenters who reminded me about grants for school..yes of course that is on my list of things to do...i hope very much to gain a full scholarship for school through my portfolio, and will try everything. but you cant always cover it all that way and until someone says HEY i want to fund you, im going to assume it is my responsibility to pay for. and anyway even a full scholarship or huge grant doest always help with the apartment thing or food money, and i hope to be able to get a job out there but everything is pretty hazy now, and i am unwilling to mess up the chance because i didnt do everything i possibly could!! but thanks for the advice!!
okay now im just procrastinating because i really dont want to work tonight....but i should.....sigh.
hi guys...i must apologise to those of you who may have gone to the Broadway Showgirls on sat or sunday.....on sat night i was stuck out in the east bay with friends and no ride till morning, and on sunday i was so sick i could barely move, so i missed those nights. i hope you all werent there, pissed and wondering where i was!! truely though, i will be there rain or shine for the rest of these nights till the 26th, with the possible exeption of monday the 21st. i will be there, and hoping you guys will too, because so far i have been alittle disappointed in this trip as far as the school fund goes.
i may even extend the trip for a few days in order to make up for what ive lost in time last weekend....but im not sure if its worth the extra cost....we'll see. i would also like to hear from those of you who might want to buy a signed photo because i do not want to invest in a bunch of those unless i know it will be a good idea. its kinda expensive to print them all out. (that photo offer goes out to everyone, not just those in SF....so please tell me if you want one...theres a bunch of unpublished originals to choose from).
one more thing: at the club i am going by my real name...MARY.....so that you guys will know how to find me there. when you get to the club if you dont see me immediately around, then tell one of the bouncers in the nice suits standing around that you are looking for mary. hopefthey should come and grab me if im ndancing for someone right at that moment.
AAAAAAAny ways.....i hope you all start coming in and making this weird job alot more fun!!!!
i may even extend the trip for a few days in order to make up for what ive lost in time last weekend....but im not sure if its worth the extra cost....we'll see. i would also like to hear from those of you who might want to buy a signed photo because i do not want to invest in a bunch of those unless i know it will be a good idea. its kinda expensive to print them all out. (that photo offer goes out to everyone, not just those in SF....so please tell me if you want one...theres a bunch of unpublished originals to choose from).
one more thing: at the club i am going by my real name...MARY.....so that you guys will know how to find me there. when you get to the club if you dont see me immediately around, then tell one of the bouncers in the nice suits standing around that you are looking for mary. hopefthey should come and grab me if im ndancing for someone right at that moment.
AAAAAAAny ways.....i hope you all start coming in and making this weird job alot more fun!!!!
i have some important new info for those of you in sf......
i did my audition at the hustler club and they liked me but could not hire me because i have "Too many tattoos". but the good news is, they own another one of the top clubs in town and sent me over there, and i was immediately hired.
so: tues through sunday nights i will be working from 7/8 pm till close at SHOWGIRLS...which is up on broadway by the bridge (right across the street from the Centerfolds club)
i have to play the djs music, unfortunitely, but hes got a few good things and anyway it will still be fun....they also have the private rooms so if any of you guys want to come down and help my college fund i'll love you forever!!!
also i want to say this....
i have noticed since ive been in town that a bunch of people in bars or even at my mini-show at the parkside bar will recognise me (i think because of the stares and whispers...ha)but barely anyone actually talks to me!!
first of all, im not a snob, im just another kid at the bar and if you actually are reading this it means you read my journal which means you know about me, etc. i would really like to meet fun people and i wont bite if you come over and say hi!!! its actually very weird and uncomfortable for me to be drinking or sitting somewhere and be watched but "ignored" in a weird way too. id rathar be normal.
second, im here to try to meet people and work for money for art school....so if everyone is afraid to talk to me it seriously effects my ability to do that!! not to mention i wanna have fun with the kind of people i enjoy hanging around, rathar than the more typical exotic-club clientel, you know?
to the three boys and one girl who have actually come up to me and said hi, and introduced themselves....thanks! seriously!
and to everyone who doesnt live in sf, i'll write another more entertaining journal entry soon...sorry!
i did my audition at the hustler club and they liked me but could not hire me because i have "Too many tattoos". but the good news is, they own another one of the top clubs in town and sent me over there, and i was immediately hired.
so: tues through sunday nights i will be working from 7/8 pm till close at SHOWGIRLS...which is up on broadway by the bridge (right across the street from the Centerfolds club)
i have to play the djs music, unfortunitely, but hes got a few good things and anyway it will still be fun....they also have the private rooms so if any of you guys want to come down and help my college fund i'll love you forever!!!
also i want to say this....
i have noticed since ive been in town that a bunch of people in bars or even at my mini-show at the parkside bar will recognise me (i think because of the stares and whispers...ha)but barely anyone actually talks to me!!
first of all, im not a snob, im just another kid at the bar and if you actually are reading this it means you read my journal which means you know about me, etc. i would really like to meet fun people and i wont bite if you come over and say hi!!! its actually very weird and uncomfortable for me to be drinking or sitting somewhere and be watched but "ignored" in a weird way too. id rathar be normal.
second, im here to try to meet people and work for money for art school....so if everyone is afraid to talk to me it seriously effects my ability to do that!! not to mention i wanna have fun with the kind of people i enjoy hanging around, rathar than the more typical exotic-club clientel, you know?
to the three boys and one girl who have actually come up to me and said hi, and introduced themselves....thanks! seriously!
and to everyone who doesnt live in sf, i'll write another more entertaining journal entry soon...sorry!
hi again...i know its been a little while. im very excited about my san fran trip, but i must report my tragedy first. my baby, my cat kiwi, managed to squeeze out the crack in my window (which ive been keeping mostly closed since swamis fall...but its fkn hot here and i need the air so i crack them just alittle)... she fell and died last week. i am heartbroken. there is nothing elae to say. i miss her very very much. so i havent felt like writing.
i know alot of people are wondering what my schedule in sf will be...and though it is hard to follow such a sad and depressing story with details like that, i know it must be done, because i am busy up till i leave and may not be able to update my journal again till im there.
so officially i need to "audition" for the manager at hustler, and i will be doing that sometime around 7pm or so on wed the 8th. if anyone can make it down and support that, it may help me to get the schedule i want...if management sees i can bring in customers, blah blah blah. so until im officially hired, my schedule is unsettled, but i plan to work most nights, excluding mondays probably, and excluding the ninth, which is when im doing a burlesque show at another club organised by SFSG...so contact them for the details...but its me and some bands on the ninth. the dates i'll be working are the 8th through the 25th.. probably not the 13th or the 21st.
and thats that!! i am not sure if im allowed to play my own cds or not...i certainly hope so cause i wanna dance like i do when im alone in my apartment dorking out...but uh, slower, and um, nicer. ha. but we'll see if they'll let me pick my songs from my stash or not.
i am planning on bringing a bunch of fun 8by10 unpublished photograghs to sell. 30 bucks each and i'll sign em to you personally...so if anyone is interested, ask me for one at the club. tryin to think of everything i can to help make some money...
this is going to feel surreal i think. in a fun way i hope.
all of you whove written and commented, and said you were coming out to see me dance have encouraged me alot...so thanks! you are very nice.......
here i come.
i know alot of people are wondering what my schedule in sf will be...and though it is hard to follow such a sad and depressing story with details like that, i know it must be done, because i am busy up till i leave and may not be able to update my journal again till im there.
so officially i need to "audition" for the manager at hustler, and i will be doing that sometime around 7pm or so on wed the 8th. if anyone can make it down and support that, it may help me to get the schedule i want...if management sees i can bring in customers, blah blah blah. so until im officially hired, my schedule is unsettled, but i plan to work most nights, excluding mondays probably, and excluding the ninth, which is when im doing a burlesque show at another club organised by SFSG...so contact them for the details...but its me and some bands on the ninth. the dates i'll be working are the 8th through the 25th.. probably not the 13th or the 21st.
and thats that!! i am not sure if im allowed to play my own cds or not...i certainly hope so cause i wanna dance like i do when im alone in my apartment dorking out...but uh, slower, and um, nicer. ha. but we'll see if they'll let me pick my songs from my stash or not.
i am planning on bringing a bunch of fun 8by10 unpublished photograghs to sell. 30 bucks each and i'll sign em to you personally...so if anyone is interested, ask me for one at the club. tryin to think of everything i can to help make some money...
this is going to feel surreal i think. in a fun way i hope.
all of you whove written and commented, and said you were coming out to see me dance have encouraged me alot...so thanks! you are very nice.......
here i come.
okay everyone, its a done deal... i will be flying in to san francisco the 7th or 8th and will be there till the 25th.. there will be shows on most nights in between those dates, so for all of you interested, come see me shake it!! hahaha...
i will fill in trhe blanks with details later, keep your eyes peeled this week.
i especially want to say thanks to those of you who took the time to respond, either way, and im very thankful towards those of you who can/would like to helpme go to school by being my "customers"!!
essentially mostly it will be like anytime you go to a nicer exotic club, except with better music (in my opinion!!) and with me getting undressed instead of another stripper, but im going to try some fun stuff up there..hehehe.. and i am probably going to bring down some professional, un-published photograghs to sign/sell to the people who come and who'd like one, and if you guys have the book, and you want to bring it downto the club i'll sign those too . im open to any additional suggestions any of you guys have for what youd like to see me bring/do in there.....?
of course those who can afford to and want to get me off alone (
) can do the whole private champaigne room deal and i guess i'll be dancing there, and gettin drunk with you!!!
i feel like such a dork right now...um, anyway,
the club where my friend works is the huster club sf, but i spoke with the management and they do not sponser "feature" acts, so basically i'll be considered a short-term employee/dancer, but if you all show up, i'll at least feel like a star!!
i will fill in trhe blanks with details later, keep your eyes peeled this week.
i especially want to say thanks to those of you who took the time to respond, either way, and im very thankful towards those of you who can/would like to helpme go to school by being my "customers"!!
essentially mostly it will be like anytime you go to a nicer exotic club, except with better music (in my opinion!!
) and with me getting undressed instead of another stripper, but im going to try some fun stuff up there..hehehe.. and i am probably going to bring down some professional, un-published photograghs to sign/sell to the people who come and who'd like one, and if you guys have the book, and you want to bring it downto the club i'll sign those too . im open to any additional suggestions any of you guys have for what youd like to see me bring/do in there.....?of course those who can afford to and want to get me off alone (
) can do the whole private champaigne room deal and i guess i'll be dancing there, and gettin drunk with you!!! i feel like such a dork right now...um, anyway,
the club where my friend works is the huster club sf, but i spoke with the management and they do not sponser "feature" acts, so basically i'll be considered a short-term employee/dancer, but if you all show up, i'll at least feel like a star!!
OCTOBER 2005
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