there was something very syrupy about today. it poured out slowly, thick and gold, and i felt like an ancient mosquito encased within it. swami moved from one shaded corner of the hardwood floor to another, letting out long meows and looking at me with both love and contempt as though there was something i could have done about the heat. but i know that fall is closer now that the sun has gone down because i can hear the trash scraping down the street with a gusto it hasn't had for months. the breeze feels good now.
i'd like to make an observation that has been on my mind today due to some comments made by a good friend over the phone. and i say this with no bitterness, just a sense of disappointment....

it seems to be true, at least in my world, that there are few people left who can really overcome their baggage and take any emotional risks. being cynical and unavailable seems to be synonymous with being hip. being even innocently enthusiastic about trying out an actual relationship with someone who excites you is treated as a weakness. which original skinny jeans-wearing, black haired, headband-toting kid decided romance was passe? and why does everyone follow like mice after a piper? im not suggesting we all run around like a bunch idiots in a Delacroix painting, or try to get married to everyone we like, but what is so bad about being vulnerable to another person who obviously cares about you in return??

a great friend of mine just experienced this mindset from an emotionally immature artist who put stars in the palm of her hand and then suddenly acted like it was disgusting the way they left burn marks on her perfect skin. i myself am single, and quite happy being so, but that is not to say i have not felt this same way before.

we all lose people at one point or another who we cant imagine living without. we do not all, however, get to meet alot of people who make us feel that way to begin with... i know for a fact there are alot of people i CAN live without. the thing is, if you are someone who has lost a love in the past and you are reading this, then....um....you are living without them. so, therefore you are able to recover, i assume? personally i find it more of a weakness when someone tells me they are through with relationships and love altogether, as opposed to someone who can regenerate and give of themselves to the right cause with the fierceness of someone who has never been burned.

this one's for you, G.C.
i raise my invisible cocktail and toast the brave romantics left in our generation. i am one. and i will settle for nothing less, and neither should you, sweetie.