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I've been picking and choosing what I write here for fear of some folks taking what I say way too personal or completely out of context...or even using it as leverage for an arguement...but I NEED to write right now and this is MY space dammit...
I'm tired of people disregarding the fact that I have feelings too. I'm honest almost all the time...I can't sit here and claim that I haven't had my fair share of fuck-ups, but I'm not perfect and I don't want to be...and for the most part I am forward with exactly how I feel and what I may be going through...
And I'm finding that when it's not the way people want things to go, or when I say shit that they don't want to hear or don't want to accept...they suddenly forget that I'm being so up front and honest because I want things to get better, because I want to work toward a change, because I love them enough to be that open...
And with that, my feelings go out the door. I am yelled at, put down, cursed at, told off...I'm treated like everything I said wasn't coming from a good place...like I don't care or never did...like I wasn't passionate or in tears when the words came pouring out of my mouth...
It's as though nothing about me is valid...or ever was...
APR 23, 2008 11:44 AM
Very sorry to hear that you're being treated in such a manner 
I don't really know what to say...But to be honest, if this is the way these relationships are going, maybe it is time you start distancing yourself from these people? I know that is much easier said than done, but it is possible. If these people can't accept who you are, or the way you are, then they really aren't your loved ones, no matter what your feelings are towards them.
At some point, you have to look at a person and make a decision on whether or not continuing the relationship is worth it. It takes work and change by both parties for a relationship to work, and if you just don't see either side changing enough, then you need to end things. You don't have to completely cut the person off, but you need to start distancing yourself and putting effort into the relationships you have with people that love you the way you are. It is a tricky situation no doubt...Relationships are hard to balance and I've lost many a friendship and even a few relationships with family members because things were just never going to work out. I certainly miss all of those people, but as a result, I've made new relationships with people whom I can be completely myself with and accept me...The good and the bad. In the end, I'm happy with all of the decisions I've made.
I can't pretend to know your situation, but I hope that my words may help you on some level. I really do hope things get better for you!
*Hugs*
-Weston
Can't wait to see some more of your paintings too!!
APR 23, 2008 07:58 PM
There has to be a limit to how far one is willing to go in trying to nurture and preserve a relationship - any relationship. We all have bad days, but when someone is consistently much more concerned with self-protection than with being a good friend, they just don't make a very good friend. Being alone isn't fun, but it's always far better than being involved in bad, life-draining relationships. Hang in there, keep creating, better days will come. 
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