Since Friday I've managed to quit smoking, have severe allergies, get hit in the head with a 2x4, feel my widsom teeth move around, drop a full glass of water on my right foot, bruise my the top of my left foot, shoot guns in the back woods of Illinois, see my entire family, rearrange my bedroom, and have a good time (minus all of the pain). It's been a long week.

I fail at updating.

I saw a little girl with no arms on Friday night at Irish Fair. She was with an older man and who I assume is his son. I started to over think a few things and immediately started to cry.

Later that night at Club Jager my boy and I were accosted by a deaf man who not only wanted $5.00 but he wanted Jordan's credit card as well.

A real update when I have more than 2 seconds.

Just because I feel like it...

In early 2002 while I was still in high school I received a couple of e-mails that were something to the affect of "Hey someone thought you would like this site, come check it out!" In the beginning SG had a e-mail generator button on the main page. Someone, and I still don't know who, continued put my e-mail address in in hopes to bring it to my attention.

My first impression of SG was a positive one. I thought the whole concept of alternative looking ladies mixed with old pin up was an awesome idea. I admired those early ladies for the fact that they had the nerve to do it and stand up for the fact that just because you look different, doesn't mean you can't be beautiful too. I also found that because the site was much more than just naked ladies, made it a lot more intriguing. It's not just pictures, SG's foundation truly is it's members and community.

In September of 2003 I finally joined the site as a member. I spent a lot of time reading and writing on the message boards. I joined the SGTC group shortly there after but was too chicken shit to actually meet any of the local SG members. I continued to post blogs, interact with the members, seek advice in the Girls Only group, etc.

In 2004 I finally went to an SGTC event which was to see Shaun Of The Dead at the Lagoon. Again I was painfully shy and didn't say hi to too many people.

Example :

In 2005 I tried again and went to The Independent for what used to be a weekly SGTC get together. I met Danielle, and DarkJuan, along with a few other people. I was so fucking nervous that I had to bring my friend Suzy with me because I had no idea what I was getting myself in to. I was pleasantly surprised that no one was going to bite my head off and continued to go to get togethers after that.

That year I also shot my first set for SG with a photographer that I don't even care to name. We shot a set on an old T-Bucket in a garage. A bunch of bullshit went down and when I finally got my set back from the photographer all of the pictures were too small for me to even submit as a set. It was lame to the max.


Later that year Mr. Phillip aka Lithium Picnic made a trip up to Minneapolis and I jumped at the chance to shoot with him. I had been following Mr. Picnic for several years via LiveJournal, way before he was a house hold name. I was terribly excited to get a chance to work with him after admiring his work for so long.

My first set went up on March 23, 2006 and I'm approximately SG number 994. It was a good day.


Late in 2006 I met Serendipity at the SG tour at First Ave. This sparked a bat shit crazy friendship that took a nose dive about a year ago which resulted in me moving in with Danielle and DarkJuan. But holy shit did we have fun together and that's an understatement. HLP.

In January of 2007 I went to the Shades of Blue tattoo convention in La Crosse Wisconsin with a few of the local girls. There I met Fractal and Salome. Both are very lovely ladies. We had an awesome good time that weekend, even if it was -2343 outside.

Example:

How many SG's can you fit in a liquor cage!? 4!!
Salome, Serendipity, Danielle and Me

Since then I've gone through phases of being active in mildly active on the site and only because of time. I'm a busy lady.

So why did I decide to jump from member to SuicideGirl? I did it not only for the chance to work with Lithium Picnic, but I did it because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I spent years admiring these women and I didn't want to go through life wondering if I could have done it. Well I proved to myself that I could. I don't regret a single moment of it. If it wasn't for SG I wouldn't be where I am right now. I have met the most amazing people through the site. They are the reason I did it and they are the reason I continue to stick with it. Some of these people are my best friends. I even live with 2 of them! I also attribute it to meeting my #1 lady and my boyfriend, even though that was bound to happen one way or another. The community is the only reason why I'm here. I've found best friends, good friends, support, advice, helpful information, news, interviews, music, books, etc. through SG. It's not just naked ladies, but I am proud to be one of them. My heart shrinks a little as the number of girls sky rockets, the politics around the SG vs. LP thing happened, and when certain things come and go, but I still love SG and being a part of it. So people can squawk, squabble and talk shit all they want. It just goes in one ear and out the other.

To every single one of you that I've met through SG, I love you a shit ton and thank you for some of the best times I have ever had.

Photographer : Josh Quigley
Models: Danielle, me, darkjuan

We're just a pile of kittens in this house.

I'm going to keep this short and sweet... for now. I will update for real this weekend. I promise kittens.

-I'm sick of being a redhead. I think it's high time I change my hair color.

-Someone stole all four wheels off of my car and left it on cinder blocks. No joke. However, I'm not too keen on the hover look it currently has going on.

-I've been reading the Laurell K Hamilton, Anita Blake, vampire series nonstop since January. I only have a couple more books to go before the new one comes out. I.Can.Not.Wait.

-Danielle and I laugh at mallows, chase gnomes, and poop sprinkles.

-It's almost baby duck season.

In the past three days I've managed to pull a muscle in my back, visit the emergency room, get in to a car accident, and then watch my purse explode in my drive way.

A. Pulled Muscle... I fell flat on my ass at Cuzzy's on Friday night and pulled a muscle in my back as I was standing up. I had to be carried out of the bar. Saturday morning I woke up in excruciating pain. After a day in bed I finally talked to a nurse over the phone. The nurse told me it could be a pulled muscle, or I could have kidney damage, a slipped disc, a fracture or some other serious damage. After laying in bed and crying all day I opted for a trip to the emergency room with Danielle. It's just a torn muscle and it hurts like a mother fucker. After the emergency room we came home and I took the best bath ever in the giant bath tub while watching The Wizard of Oz. It was nice.

Sunday Danielle and I hit up the Uptown for our Sunday breakfast. Then we hit up Dream Haven where we found Anita Blake comics and other fun stuff. & then it was out to New Hope for some business. Jordan came down that night and we ate Que Viet in bed while watching Heros and then we watched some more Heros in the bathtub. It seems to be about the only thing that alleviates the pain in my back. Thank god for jacuzzi bath tubs.

B. As I'm lying in bed on Monday staring at the same patch of ceiling that I stared at for two days, tears running down my face for numerous reasons I text Serendipity to see if she wanted to hang out. She comes over and picks me up. We head over to Psycho Suzies but instead the Green Bean hits a patch of ice and we go careening in to the back end of a parked car. Lovely.

C. Danielle picks us up and drops Serendipity and her man off at Psycho Suzies. We go home, I get out of the car and my purse goes boom in the middle of the drive way. I couldn't help but laugh and cry. I've had a really rough weekend, that's for sure. Danielle is an angel for taking care of me. She helped me clean my room up yesterday and then we saw 27 Dresses. It was a cute movie. After the movie we came home, drank a bottle of wine and watched the Chappelle Show before J came down.

I just want to heal quickly.

I want something to go right.

I feel like I'm walking around with a little black rain cloud over my head.

However, my car is running again, but I don't know if I can drive it. The power steering doesn't really work and I can't laugh without pain shooting through my side all the way down my thigh, let alone crank a steering wheel. I guess we will see.

I can still smile. At least that counts for something.

Well... its been awhile since I've updated. Sometimes I just don't have the words, I don't have the words yet. However, I don't know how it happened but I have managed to mellow out over the past few months. The little shit just doesn't get to me anymore. I don't see the point on wasting energy on things that I can't change, or things that just don't matter at the end of the day. I can't do much more than I have been about the fact that I am more than broke. Breaking my foot fucked me out of 3 almost 4 weeks of pay. I've been working for 2 weeks and I wont see a paycheck out of that for another week. That's an entire month with no money! Normally this would stress me the fuck out, but what can I really do? At least I'm trying. The past month has been a whirlwind of changes. I switched jobs, broke my foot, replaced the breaks on my car with borrowed money (Thanks, Dad!), I met someone that makes me blush, giggle, scream and smile. I jumped off a ship that has been sinking for awhile now. I'm over it. I've been broken and bruised, but I'm still smiling and that is all that matters. I don't know where this is all going... I'm just along for the ride for now.

This whole year has been one thing after another. A breakup, a bat-shit-crazy-rebound, a dready girl that I love more than she will ever know, las vegas, spreading my wings and moving out, st. paul, northeast mpls, trying to keep a ship afloat, learning when enough is enough, I'm not going to drown with you. My friends that I also love and appreciate more than they will ever know, new jobs, new epiphanies.... it's nothing but growing. I'm not who I was at the beginning of the year and I won't be who I am today at the end of the year. This year has been extraordinary. I've learned more about myself in the past 12 months than I have in the past 2 years.