Hey !

I didn't post anything since a long time, and my 2-3 last blogs wasn't really happy. I'm sorry, I had a bad time, but now, it's over

I'm going to explain, but I don't know how to begin...

1-2 months ago, I decided to stop my studies, because I want to do something else next year. Since this moment, I did some artworks, aso, but nothing really serious.
So, I decided to search a job. Because I didn't want to stay at home anymore, without doing anything of my days, with my computer, without going outdoor once a day. No no no.
So, I found a waitress job in a pub, in the main place of our little city. So, from 12:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. I'm running under the sunshine ! No, that's true ! There a loooooot of people so I'm really busy during 7 complete hours ! It's nice, I had to do sport : OK. I had to go outside for becoming a little bit less white : OK. I had to earn money to buy an iPhone : OK.
Nice, nice, nice, isn't it ?

If I didn't write on my blog this week, it's because the main internet dealer of the city has BIG problems, so the half of the city don't have internet anymore since 1 week Sorry...

I'm in my university's computers room, so I take the time to give you some news

I can't show you pics, but I'll do it soon !

Oh, yeah, I'd like to meet someone whos live in Great Britain and who could be a big help for me. If you live in GB and that you would like to be a help for me and that I can trust you : Please, PM-me

Thanks again for you comments on my blog when I'm sad, I'm always ashamed at these moments because I really really don't want to look like someone who would cry for everything and who would say " hooo i'm so sad, please understand me, pleaaase be nice with me like with a baby". I hope you understand what I mean, my english is sometimes really bad and poor

I hope I'll have internet again in a few days... I send you love

Maedusa Suicide ( I LOVE this name ♥)

Reading blogs and looking at pics of Bloo, Sinnah, P_mod, Trypode, Dwam, Opale, .....

I'm so so sad. I really wanted to live it with them, I feel so alone here, in Belgium. They are in France and I can only contact them with this fucking loved internet...

It seems that this w-e was amazing... I'm happy for them, but sad for me.

Yeah, it's not really a good time for me, for the moment. I'm ... "lost" in my life, "I just don't know what to do with myself", all my complexes are coming back, I feel bad in my mind, I feel bad in my body...

I'd like to see again these people with whom I feel me, simply me.

People , I ♥ you...

I wanna..

- read Goethe.
- be thinner.
- go away, backpacking.
- sea Nepal, India, Tibet.
- receive presents.
- do a new tattoo.
- do some piercings.
- see my lovely naked suicide girls friends.
- smoke grass.
- do my own clothes.
- be loved.
- be brave enough to do sport.
- watch lot of good movies.
- find a flat for next year.
- do a huge "wanna list".

♥

Le matin, je ne m'éveille qu'avec effroi; je pleurerais des larmes amères à voir ce jour qui, dans son cours, n'a pas un souhait à m'exaucer... pas un seul !... qui même, contre les pressentiments de toute joie, a d'opiniâtres fléaux, et fait avorter,avec les mille grimaces de la vie, les créations de ma poitrine émue.
Et puis, lorsque la nuit tombe, je m'étends sur ma couche avec inquiétude : là encore point de répit; d'affreux songes m'épouvantent. Le dieu qui habite en mon sein peut soulever les tempêtes de mon âme ; lui qui trône sur toutes mes forces, il est impuissant à rien émouvoir au dehors ; et c'est ainsi que l'existence m'est un fardeau, c'est ainsi que je souhaite la mort et déteste la vie.

(Goethe)



I had a bad day today.

EDIT INSIDE :



Hi people..

(About my pc, I hopeit will get beter tonight, I gonna try something else )

I just made some pics for you. Without make up, without photoshop, natural light, directly from my camera.






And an older one, some days ago..




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I would like a medusa piercing ...



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Oh, I know I shouldn't tell this, but ... I love fan arts, drawings, paintings, aso... Really, I love it.
So, if you have some time and that you want to offer me LOT of pleasure, you know what you can do

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Oh, I would like to know if you want me to answer to some questions... Don't hesit, ask me and I'll answer with a great pleasure

Bordel de merde de putain de .... HAAAAAAAAAAAA !

Bon, je suis tellement énervée que je ne veux pas écrire en anglais, je m'en fiche.
Je suis dans un état de .. déspespoir, de tristesse, de déception intenses...

Pourquoi ?

ON A TOUCHE A MON PC !

ALors oui, vous bande de geeks qui me lisez, je sais que vous allez comprendre ma détresse...

J'ai voulu installer Ubuntu Studio sur une autre partition de mon disque dur. Et, miracle, ça a plus ou moins été. Je dis plus ou moins parce que bon, unbuntu fonctionnait pas, mais j'avais toujours mon windows xp et tout allait, si pas mieux, au moins aussi bien qu'avant.

Sauf que moi, acharnée, j'ai demandé à un ami de m'aider à résoudre le problème.

Bardaf, dispation de windows xp. AU SECOURS !!

Oké, pas d'affolement, l'ami en question chipote et on récupère ce cher ixpé, j'étais soulagée.

Bon, mnt que les choses étaient redevenues normales, il était temps de s'attaquer à Ubuntu. Grossière erreur, on a perdu xp à nouveau et je ne sais désormais plus avoir, ni ubuntu, ni xp.

Je fonctionne actuellement sur .. Bat Track, ou quelque chose comme ça.

Désespoir.

Alors moi je me dis " Booooon oké tant pis, je me fais une raison : on va tout reformater !"
Une fois cette décision prise, là mnt tout de suite, je viens de rentrer mon cd de reformatage, de rebooter mon pc et .........

... IMPOSSIBLE DE REFORMATER.

Il ne veut lancer que bat track.


Je.. Moi... Je.. PAS CONTENTE DU TOUT DU TOUT !!!!!




J'vais perdre toutes mes données ( heureusement que j'avais sauvé 95% auparavant ) et tous mes programmes et .. huuuuuuuuuuuuuu j'suis triste ! Mon pc est malade, alors je suis à la mort aussi.



Je suis triste triste triste.



Dépitée quoi...



EDIT : OH PUTAIIIIN J'AI MEME PLUS DE SON

You maybe know that my first crush, arriving here as a member, was Dwam.

That was normal. I felt in love for her lips, her face, her whole body... Really, she's amazing to look at.
I think that she fascinates me. She's like a circus artist, walking on her road, without caring about the rest... A sort of "Tom sawyer". Yeah, really, she's a Tom Sawyer..

I think that, if I have a so strong feeling for her, that's because I'd have loved to live like her. I just think that she found a freedom that I can't find. I like my life, but I know she's closer to my ideal life, than I am.

I suppose you are asking " Why the fuck is she telling this ?"

Click and you'll know why I'm again and again and again ... in love for her face, for her body, for... Her.

WARNING : BIG UPDATE INSIDE

So, first, I'm going to answer or react to questions and tags about my set

1) Tags

- "back dimples" : Nice, I adore it, but I wasn't aware that I had back dimples
- "lipstick" = Yeah, from Dior, thanks to Dwam

... that's strange. When I'm writing this, I realize that some tags was deleted. I saw some ... hurting things...
But I didn't want to delete them. I want to accept every tag, every comment, even worst ones...
So, please, if you see some "hard" comments or tags... Don't care for me
When you will see them, please, add 2 new tags/comments, and make disappear the bad ones

2) Comments & messages

- First, to all that have been concerned by the theme of my set and that told me "thank you" for it,
I'd like to tell : Thanks for having understood me
- LieLock wrote : "fantastic set... very emotional and just the type of sets that SG needs to have..." & boombands wrote : "wow. i think this is what sg is all about. shit that isn't just naked chicks but art, and art makes you think. at least good art does."
>> Thanks to people who said that my set was a really "SG-set" because it's really WHY I'm here...
- Kidego wrote : "Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous! I don't suppose your single?" > Hahaha. No, I have a boyfriend and I'll marry him
- Warning wrote : "This is absolutely amazing. I love the entire concept....I rarely have any emotions evoked by sets but this was tragedy and beauty mixed wonderfully. Fucking thumbs up to the photographer as well....I am out of words..." >> I'm so so happy that people can feel how much I put in this set. It's huuuudge for me. Thanks to everybody.


- So, about my scare in my neck. I received a lot of messages and comments from people who asked how I had it.
If you want to know it, I copy what I wrote in this blog some months ago...



So, at the end of my secundary school ( nearly 2 years ago ), I had a problem in my neck. It began to swell and to swell again, it hurted a lot ! I couldn't keep my head right.
So, I went to the hospital, where I stayed during one week, with lot of cortisone (I don't know if it's the right english word ) and antibiotics.

After some medical exams, doctors discovered that I have a congenital anomaly.

It's called "fistule branchiale" in french but don't know in english. I'm going to explain..

When you are in the uterus of your mother, at a moment you have a "fish moment" with webbed fingers and the thing in the neck that fishes use to breath. You understand my horrible english ? Right, I continue..
This thing in the neck should close totaly and build your throat, aso.. But I had a really really small problem : a small hole remains deep into my throat. So, nothing that we could see but really deep into it.

If I had continued to live with, I'd have problems again and again, and it would have became really difficult to care it with the time.

So, I decided to accept the operation that was necessary.

So, here, a pic before my operation :



Then : a pic when I stayed 1 week at the hospital ( the first time so )



And now, pics DURING THE OPERATION !

/! WARNING : THESE PICS CAN HURT THE SENSIBILITY !!!!!! /!

First : a pic INTO my throat. You can see the small hole in the left ..

Then : pics of my opened throat. These pics are really horrible .. HAHA

Now, pics taken with my phone, after the operation, at the hospital where I stayed 1 week without eating nor drinking ( haaaaaard !! )







When I saw my scare for the first time, I cried a long long time.. It was so big, so horrible, so ugly.. I was really sad.

Here are a pic some months after the operation. It was the first time I wanted to make pictures of my scare, to accept it as being a part of me.




And finally, I'm alive

My scare now is like on pics of my set




3) What's next ?

- For the moment, I have a self-shot project. But it will be really difficult for me, so.. you'll have to wait but... I'm thinking about !

- I have an idea of set with a great photographer friend... i'd put it in the hopeful section to receive the so beautiful grey t-shirt

- During the SG week-end to Paris, Sweety and I did some kisses and some hugs... and Dwam was there with her camera. What a luck, isn't it ?
We hope you'll see it soon...

- I had a contact with Waikiki and she's usually close to Belgium... So, we could do something in the future ... !!!

- I maybe have my next idea with the great P_Mod if he's ok

- I'd like to do a multi with Dwam but she think that SG won't like my idea Pitty. I would like to try even ...

- I so would like to do a biiiig multi with all the french and belgian SG I know


3) My day in the countryside...

I was at my parent's home this week-end and this afternoon I went walking in forets... ( and I got lost, yeah, but it was nice and I have find my way after 2 hours without any problem )

So, I had the time to do some pics... here are these for you :
















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I just put a video for the Most Honest Video Contest...

Really, I'm a strange girl. I do things that are the worst for me, like showing this video of me completly drunk

Enjoy

Hello !!

I'm the next one to arrive in the frontpage, be ready everybody !!

I'll do some pics tomorrow, just for you, I promise you





PS : I'm so so nervous.. I hope that people who hadn't seen it yet will like it......


EDIT : IT'S ONLINE

I want a pink Archie !

Please, go comment her set, I really love it