SuicideGirl: Maddie
suicidegirl

Maddie americaaa fucck yeehh!

I’m private
 
SEPTEMBER 26, 2010 @ 02:28 PM


i feel like my whole world is falling apart.

i can actually say for once in my life, everything is absolute shit.
seriously, there isnt one good thing going on. im on edge every second of every fucking day and i only need to be slightly pushed and im in tears. im snapping at my parents all the time and as IF they need that from me, but i cant stop, im just so angry.
in the words of bilbo baggins "I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter spread over too much bread."


im so exhausted and feel like im not actually here anymore

things that im feeling:
- angry
- dissapointed
- worthless
- broken
- lost
- blank
- unwanted
- burden
- bitch
- confused
- worried
- anxious
- insane
- hopeless
- alone
- no friends
- aching
- selfish

so many fucking more that i feel and that i think i am.i swear its not normal to feel all of thiiss AAAGHHHHGHGHGHIDFOUJHSOJF. how do i keep going when i see nothing worth living for?

this dude has been on me all day aswell, tellling me i cant sing or play guitar and that im like "every other cocksucking talentless bitch" which i thought was nice.... ...

eugh i need a break. i need some time to just breathe.
but then again, thats me being selfish as hell, i hate that about me. when i think about what my dad feels and my mum. and all im thinking is that i cant frickin cope!
selfish selfish. and im even thinking about not doing another set because i feel like a dirty slut even though i think no SG is a slut at all, just me, and i think about if my dad knew
im so ashamed of myself for becoming what i am now.
what the hell am i on about, i dont even no who i am but i know that it makes me feel ill

you know what, im gona shut up now.

:[ sorry had to let out my mind for a sec lol x
Comments
RemoD66

RemoD66

Marina, CA
January 2009

SEP 26, 2010 02:34 PM

But other than that... ? blush

It may not be much, but I hope you can strike 'no friends' from your list... I know it's not the same as being able to reach out physically and give you a hug, but we really do like you... smile

Please take a little comfort--you're not the only one who's felt that way and there really are things for you to look forward to.

Your pal,
Remo

Jaxy

Jaxy

SUICIDEGIRL

USA

SEP 26, 2010 02:37 PM

I can relate on so many levels. *hugs*

Galda

Galda

SUICIDEGIRL

United Kingdom

SEP 26, 2010 02:40 PM

seriously chick, i would message Jaxy if she can relate to you, it may really help to talk to someone who can understand how you are feeling.
wish i could help, you know i love you x x x

Maineville

Maineville

Corona, CA
February 2009

SEP 26, 2010 02:40 PM

We all are still trying to find ourselves in this world there isn't going to be a point in our lives where we will know everything the only thing we can do is keep bettering ourselves to see where life takes us. You should take a breather for yourself it isn't a selfish act just something to clear your head and come to a clear mind whatever your going through i believe you will make it out alright just believe.

La_Maga

La_Maga

Portland, OR
September 2009

SEP 26, 2010 03:02 PM

You are totally allowed to feel all those things whenever you do. You just need to work through them and get out of it. Good luck!

guitar47

guitar47

United Kingdom
September 2007

SEP 26, 2010 03:07 PM

Hey Maddie

Alll of this takes time imagine yourself putting together a jigsaw and this is a time consuming process but you will get there.

You need to put yourself first sometimes set aside the guilt I know it is difficult but you are doing a brilliant job working on all of your projects at the moment be they life or college.

I'm aorry you feel like this at the moment but it will get better theres no need to appologise for how you feel as Jaxy has pointed out she too can relate to the way your feeling your not alone

Take care sweetheart X

Dean

RemoD66

RemoD66

Marina, CA
January 2009

SEP 26, 2010 04:00 PM

Sounds like you've got the right person to talk to... in the meantime, there are a few other words you need to strike from your list...

"worthless"

"unwanted"

"hopeless"

"alone"

You aren't ANY of those. And for the record, I believe "burden" and "bitch" should be struck from the record, as well... smile You're perfectly entitled to FEEL that way, but when it comes down to what you ARE?

Well, there you go. Talk ANY time.

theaceface

theaceface

Los Angeles, CA
March 2007

SEP 26, 2010 04:18 PM

Don't ever let anybody make you feel that way about yourself....even yourself!

You're an amazing person, and far from worthless. And you'll never be alone or unwanted here on Suicide Girls!

smile

Feel better soon.

WonderWaffles

WonderWaffles

New York, NY
March 2005

SEP 26, 2010 07:16 PM

They're your feelings. You're allowed to have them. You don't really get to tell yourself how to feel. All you can do is decide how you're going to react to how you feel.

So choose to do what you can to find joy in your life today, right now, in the moment, without worrying too much about what tomorrow might bring.

Sounds lousy, though. We're rooting for you here.

suispud1

suispud1

Dallas, TX
January 2010

SEP 26, 2010 07:43 PM

if you want or need a place to let it out, this is the place...these people care and will not judge,,,so many virtual shoulders to cry on if that is what you need,

Zebulingod

Zebulingod

Beaverton, OR
August 2007

SEP 26, 2010 09:11 PM

Just. Breathe.

legman

legman

Portland, OR
February 2006

SEP 27, 2010 12:29 AM

I hope you feel better soon! smile

xHeartSwornx

xHeartSwornx

Brunswick, OH
June 2004

SEP 28, 2010 07:24 AM

I know what you mean. Anger, rage, sadness, and everything between the lines.
I'm going through a bit myself because I've been single for so along that I feel more alone than ever, I see my "friends" once every 4 or 5 months between working every day and pounding myself (heart, soul, and mind) into the ground deeper and deeper with each breath I take in this life. I won't drone on about me (I do enough of that in my blogs and just had my ranting the past week through it).
The real point is... we do all go through our own similar pains and problems. No one is immune.

Behind it, though, you do have friends who do care (just look at some of the comments for a quick example).
You've got some amazing emotions and brainpower... and soul(!) behind all those current thoughts of yours.
You've got an amazing smile that cheers me right up when I take a quick peek at your sets to get a little cheer for myself.

If you're anything similar to me, you probably won't easily grab up the words I (or others) may say and go on about things as you are now, but it's important to at least listen (or technically read) these words.
While human and sometimes having shitty advice or saying things that are easier said than done, we're all still human and we all go through the same garbage, too.

Just breathe, take a look at some of the good things that have been and could come to be. Awesome sets, cool friends, neat toys... whatever. Sometimes it's those things that help ground us when we remember those times. It ain't easy and I know it because I'm trying desperately to grab onto something at this very moment myself, but coming from someone who feels pretty damn low I can tell you that you do have some good things going and need to keep that all in mind.
It'd be a shame to lose that heart, mind, and soul to something as irritating as these emotions.
Plus, we'd be losing out on that smile. That's as bad as being a cloudy day 24/7 and never getting to see the sunshine. I don't know about you, but I do like to have that sunshine to remind me of the good things in life and you could be that sunshine (not just to me).

I hope things get better for you soon.

Mylene

Mylene

HOPEFUL

I'm lost

SEP 28, 2010 03:00 PM

Hope you'll feel better shortly, hugs!

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