I don't know how to feel. 2009 has been the year of death. although, I could say that about 2007 and 2008 also. Maybe I'm just more aware of it. I miss her. I miss the way she smells, the way she laughs when things arent funny, the way she licks my face when she goes to tell me a secret. I miss the colour of her skin, and the sound of her voice.

I feel so lost, and I'm such a moany bitch.

I just got back from Barbados, the jetlag is killing me, I'm so sick.







I'm twenty in two weeks, I'm losing my hair, I can't imagine not being a teenager anymore, i feel like such a child still

The really good news? My recovery is going really really well. I have three more weeks until I'm completely discharged from the programme, almost a year since I was diagnosed and admitted. It's felt like the longest year.

I have some amazing people in my life, one person in particular. I don't want to spoil it, but things seem to be going really well. I think I'm falling in love again.

This site kind of bores me now, I don't feel any attachment to it. if and when I shoot and submit another set, I think I will remember what i was so excited about, but for now the one set a day thing means I get angry when i see amazing sets that don't get bought, so i've stopped looking altogether.

Sleep time. xxx

So It's been a bit of a crazy couple of weeks. Crazy in the sense that nothing has really happened, but my life has been turned upside down.

I'm doing pretty well in terms of my recovery, Some of my friends aren't doing so well, but I think that's actually driving me to be healthy, instead of dragging me down.

Another picture from Steve:



A photobooth:



And a couple more photos from New York.











I'm fucking obsessed with 90210 right now. Obsessed.

Peace.

Finally. Thank you staff, you bought a really amazing set that deserved to go up. I hope this is the future.

p.s. i do love all the sets but yes i am referring to the beautiful and unique viking

I was inspired by bitten's blog to list all the things i am thankful for on the first thanksgiving I've experienced firsthand.

I am thankful for my amazing family who has been so supportive this past year
I am thankful for being accepted into Camberwell School of Art
I am thankful for Bow, Disco and Abbiss being in my life.
I am thankful for my wonderful boyfriend, I love him despite his many flaws.
I am thankful for the staff at the hospital who were encouraging, stuck to the rules, and were very often mean for my own good.
I am thankful for all the other girls in the Unit, and I am thankful for the time I spent with the girls we lost along the way
I am thankful for my beautiful apartment
I am thankful for my gorgeous baby sister, I'm not so thankful for the terrible toddler masquerading as my other younger sister.
I am thankful for the amazing opportunities to work with photographers like 2shadowland, LeeGillies, and tmronin.
I am thankful for the chance to visit Prague, Athens, Tunisia, and New York
I am thankful to staff for purchasing two of my sets this year when so many other amazing sets did not get purchased, I am so grateful and so undeserving.
I am thankful for the weight that I have gained, as it means i can buy regular clothes!
I am thankful for being part of the PETA campaign
I am thankful that this year is ending so much better than it started.

and I am always, always thankful for boobs.

Good news: New York was awesome. I shot with tmronin, watched the thanksgiving macy's day parade, ate the most amazing cheesecake ever, rode in a limo, drew on a blackboard table and had pizza at grimaldi's in brooklyn.











Bad News: apparently I have grade B osteoporosis now. I don't quite know what it means, I find out on monday so i'll give you the low down then!


I am so so jet lagged, I arrived at 8 this morning, i'm all over the place. I feel like watching porn and eating cookie dough ice cream.

On to bigger and better things.

Slutty Myspace-esque pictures? I think yes.





and a curvier, happier Lyvia to boot.





plus, pre make up halloween pictures,





i am addicted to twitter follow me bitches

Ipswich was so nice, I miss the girls so much it hurts. I feel a massive sense of lonliness in Greenwich. At least I have two months of veronica mars recorded to get me through the long nights. sorry i'm so bad at replying to massages, I'll get back to you all i PROMISE.

p.s check out the new Peta2 campaign

http://breakshearts.peta2.com/?c=p23887
I'm so happy to have been involved!


that's all folks, night night.

It's been almost a month since I was discharged. i've been in a daze, uni has taken a backseat, I've been procrastinating over projects, falling further and further behind, and then avoiding uni altpgether because of the anxiety around going in and failing.

i miss the girls in the clinic so much it hurts. i still do daycare twice a week, but i miss the closeness we shared, and the friendships i made. we are all reuniting in ipswich this saturday though, i can't wait.

as for uni friends, i've made a few good ones. our class is finally starting to bond, and a group of us did a live performance of baba yaga a few weeks ago:



i don't really see what it had to do with illustration, but it was hella fun.

my dad came to visit me a few weeks ago, and i'm going to visit him on the 13th, and then i'm off to new york on the 23rd! i'd love to shoot a set there, so i might pm some of the amazing staff photographers to see if they have any free time.

i'm so proud of bow having her set go live, it was amazing, i hope you checked it out.

i'll post my halloween pics later today! off to uni i go!

my twitter

my art blog

my model blog


love x x

we went to a halloween club night last night in preparation for this awesome day!

i was gunslinger girl, but i think i looked more like i was out of battle royale.













tonight, i shall be dead riding hood. how cliche of me.

I was discharged yesterday lunchtime.

I honestly don't know how to feel. I'm so not ready, but they told me I can't stay if I am insistant on still going to university.

Do I choose my health or an amazing opportunity for a career? what the fuck.

in other news, I made it to London Tattoo Convention on the sunday after all. I finally met Benten, who is even more beautiful in real life, and I saw two of my closest friends, Bow and Disco, which made me unbelievably happy. I miss socialising, so hopefully that will be a possibility soon.

also, my boobs made an appearance over the summer in front of Lee Gillies' camera yet again, i hope you like them:









sorry for the lame blog entry, I am searching for some motivation, so watch this space.

i've been gone so long i lost myself in hiding.

I'm back in the priory, I decided to really make a go of it this time, and I have to tell you, it's really worked. I put my faith in the program 100% and it's paying off. I've gained 3 kilos so far, and every one I gain is like getting a piece of myself back. I think the thing that's really helped are the other patients. these girls are amazing. they are all so committed, so motivated, and the bravest girls i have ever met.

I came out on the 6th of september for 2 weeks leave to go on holiday, and it was so odd being integrated back into the world. it felt like i had been away years, and everything was new and exciting again. I spent four hours in sainsbury's, and spent £70 on recipe books. I'm getting my life back.

i got some more shots back from Lee Gillies, they are my favourites, too bad they are nudie pictures, so I can't show them to my mum












and some snaps from tunisia:









I'm being readmitted tonight, so I will see you all on the 5th of october! sadly, i'm not going to be able to make london tattoo convention, i was so excited about going, but they won't let me out for it understandably, so i hope my pass goes to someone awesome, and i really hope i'll still be able to work next year's!

love and kisses, lyvia x