JUNE 17, 2009 @ 10:38 AM


i feel so alone.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

moving to greenwich has been awesome but i've never felt more isolated in my life. i have no friends here, no job, nothing to do but clean, walk and spend money.

i feel so detatched from my friends, i feel an overwhelming lack of intimacy in my life, and my anorexia is dragging me down again.
my whold day centers around my routine of starvation now, and as soon as i break that starvation, i plunge back into depression. the priory has been pretty useless all in all, i know the motivation to change can only come from me, but their whole 'it's time to face reality' angle is wearing me down.

i miss the girl i used to be before i lost the weight, i miss not giving a fuck.



i thought i'd spoiler for all the people who are having a good day today smile

i shot with the very talented lee gillies on monday, i hardly shoot anything anymore, but we shot 2 sets for SG to submit sometime in the future, i'm still basking in the awesomeness of my last set with abbiss going up, thank you so so so much staff, and thank you to all the fabulous members who commented on it, i love that set, and i'm so glad it's going to be there forever.

we alos bought 2 bengal and burmese kittens, they are beautiful, but my cat bimbo isn't too impressed. we've named them dexter and lola

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and now some pictures of my bum in the new flat

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ciao!
x

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Comments
guitar47

guitar47

United Kingdom
September 2007

JUN 17, 2009 10:44 AM

Im so sorry your not feeling good I feel dragged down too no need to spoiler anything I hope stuff gets better soon xxxxx

Dean

Liu

Liu

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

JUN 17, 2009 10:50 AM

honn, i know how do you feel, some years ago , i leave my home, my town, my friends, my university days, and feel alone is worst to be aloe, is a little diference, but its one of the hardest momments, keep it strong, its dsnt kill you, make you stronger
hugs

ps. sorry my english suck
ps2. your pics are adorable

Gossip

Gossip

SUICIDEGIRL

Portugal

JUN 17, 2009 10:55 AM

How I know what you are passing through... in 2 months without my routine, Im back to my anorexic weight. And I Think it was because of my weigth that my set was declined...anyways, try to eat avocato, ok?

My english is bullshit, I wish learn more, to writte to you, how I now your feeling (new place, faraway from friends, feeling truely alone)

*

FairyS

FairyS

HOPEFUL

Brazil

JUN 17, 2009 10:58 AM

I know how this can be difficult i was kicked out my home by my aunt...and i was homeless living every night in a diferent friend house... try to look confort with ppl that you love and trust! *hugs*


xoxo

rocky03032003

rocky03032003

United Kingdom
November 2006

JUN 17, 2009 11:00 AM

frown

Padam

Padam

United Kingdom
June 2009

JUN 17, 2009 11:03 AM

Awww, your kitties look just like mine did at that age. Soooo sweet biggrin

Stay strong, darling. It'll all work out for you.
Have you tried talking to someone who's come out on the other side? I'm sure there are alot of support groups that could help. x

mellon

mellon

USA
October 2004

JUN 17, 2009 11:24 AM

The priory? Is that the Church?

RedStatic

RedStatic

United Kingdom
August 2007

JUN 17, 2009 11:31 AM

...think of it as just needing time to adjust..

London is a very big place, so get out there and see something! my flatmate has been bumming around for 6 months now and he still finds places to go to (free might i add!)

break the cycle....and keep busy! go on!

if you're worried about meeting people, try meetup.com?

Ichigo88

Ichigo88

I'm lost
March 2008

JUN 17, 2009 02:05 PM

frown I hope things turn out for you!

SparkyRAWR

SparkyRAWR

United Kingdom
October 2008

JUN 17, 2009 02:25 PM

hope your alright hun
we should hang soon
and nice bum pics hehe
kittens look cute and if ya need to talk u no were i am
^_^
xxxx

Uva

Uva

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

JUN 17, 2009 02:26 PM


the worst of the world is to feel alone, without friends, without anyone to support you.
I hope these things will change for you, that everything in your future is very good and be happy.
Hope you feel better.
I'm sorry , my english is sucks

kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss

the_shine

the_shine

United Kingdom
October 2003

JUN 17, 2009 05:05 PM

Hope yourself and your battles are better

Dougrun

Dougrun

San Luis Obispo, CA
February 2007

JUN 17, 2009 05:29 PM

nice bum. Now go eat a cheeseburger.
but seriously, hope you can tame those demons. Its not easy and being alone makes it harder. I hope you get online because there are some good support groups online. You are never alone.

scarletletterman

scarletletterman

Los Angeles, CA
December 2008

JUN 17, 2009 05:46 PM

I'm so sorry you're not feeling well and I'm sorry you're feeling alone right now. Just know that you have a lot of people here who are in your corner pulling for you and you've also got somebody thinking of you all the way from Los Angeles, CA and sending positive vibes in your direction. Take care!

78walk

78walk

Oklahoma City, OK
July 2005

JUN 17, 2009 09:12 PM

Sorry to hear you're still struggling. The situation you're describing can be a negative self-reinforcing loop. Try to look for things - even seemingly small changes - that can alter the dynamic in a positive direction. You can only climb out of this hole one step at a time - concentrate on those small individual steps.

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