Merry Christmas and Happy New Year...yes I realise it's a touch belated but, I confess, I have fallen in love with Skyrim *mooncalf sigh*. Kill it, loot it and wear it as a hat...alternatively be horribly owned by dragons who wants to wear you as a hat! That and my liver and I have been having a few rather serious altercations involving tequila, bloody Mary's and various other suspects. All in all I have been rather busy.

I think I am going to avoid maudlin musings about the festive season. There are resolutions, I am fairly certain they aren't particularly enthralling, hence I will add a bit of colour to the bones of it you can decide what parts are serious and what is ass gravy:

- Sky dive/ bungi jump nekkid

- Learn how to speak zulu and then tell someone their mother was a hamster and their father smelt of elderberry...in Zulu

- Do 2 hours more excercise a week and then become an underwear overclothing clad, masked vigilante

- Spend more time relaxing in meditation while working on my head explody powers

I am happy to report Chistmas a great success. I made a lamb roast that bards would compose songs about. Cuddlefish, in answer, made a chicken and wild mushroom pie that put my lamb roast to shame...I am sure there were vegetables...somewhere...Since I have never made lamb roast before I am rather impressed with my efforts. Also Christmas loots were embarrassingly plentiful, I am dangerously close to becoming a spoiled brat!

Rewinding a bit before Christmas, Talamia and I met someone awesome from the site: Arethusa. Not only was she a butt ton of fun to meet but she is a very talented tattoo artist. She did a very special piece for talamia and I. Also as you will be able to see from the pictures Arethusa is absolutely gorgeous. Go say hi and gently encourage her to do a set! Arethusa, thank you again, you are all kinds of awesome!

Rewinding further still: l I also had the pleasure of meeting the Radiant little creature that is Biship. Unfortunately I am not able to submit photographic evidence (again I blame food-see last blog) but my solemn word will have to testify to her radiance and THIS:







Further rewinding and we come to the death defying experience of being attacked by lions. I guess I should quickly clarify and say that it was the car we were in that got swatted by a rambunctious male rather than me being swatted and mauled personally. Anyhow, he seemed rather irritated by the fact that we were well...there. And he was bored. I think he took a lot of pleasure seeing three stupid meat monkeys almost loose bladder control behind their protective metal shell. According to friend we were lucky, these lions have been known to pop tyres and remove windscreen wipers just for fun. It’s a sad reflection of what happens to wild animals that have to be put into captivity. I failed to mention at this point the third person accompanying myself and Cuddlefish was the sister unit.

All kinds of big cats...and an Elephant.

More continuation of the year end visitations involving parental units and Cuddlefish's brother. More interesting things to follow, hopefully pleasantly devoid of large creatures desiring to use me as a chew toy.
For your enjoyement go look at these:
Tarion
Wandering Star






Vassilis
It Just Is






And also...

A Strange Fortune

So Movember seems to be the month of visitors!
The ever swish Xaosnyte:


My bestie talamia:

and for the first time I met naughtyme in person being all big and buff and witty:




As usual culinary exploration is important: Sushi first and foremost:

There was also seafood, Thai food, Italian and Indian cuisine on the menu. Unfortunately the ravenous beastie of hunger was too busy being sated to be bothered with photographic evidence.


We partied at the Winston: Pics of me looking super sleepy on the journey back:






We did some geeky stuff:






The highlight of our exploits was probably the Crocodile Park: Trying to find the place was an interesting, it is clearly not located for easy access. I suppose the idea is to keep crocodiles away from more populated areas but our Ford Ka was less than amused with us testing its off-road features! Once we finally located the place despite lying signs, crap roads, unfriendly looking metro cops, stay dogs and general uselessness: I got to hold a baby croc!







It placidly endured my attentions but I was warned to be careful. Should it have felt so inclined it could remove a finger or ear fairly effortlessly.

Some other random images:






We were also introduced to a 70 year old Male named Hannibal, a rather apt name I thought. Hannibal is apparently a refined crocodile with a discerning palate: If you give him meat with fur, feathers or bones he will spit it out at you. I wonder what his palate thinks of the free range rude? We only got to see him partially submerged in the water swishing in an agitated fashion as the Keeper tried to coax him out. As it was a cold, overcast day, Hannibal didn’t care to oblige us choosing his nice murky, warm pool instead. While it is entertaining that such a monster could be so coddled never has a grumpy old man been so big, so powerful and so terrifying. Even though I didn’t see all of him I was honestly still awestruck by his magnificence. Frightening as Hannibal is, the eccentric crocodile keeper tells that when Hannibal is feeling magnanimous he is occasionally allowed to stand upon his tail. The keeper must have an impressive pair. If you look at the pictures closely you will notice the absence of Mr Keepers left index finger which was forfeit to puff adder bite. The right index finger was gifted to a buzz saw (which was almost removed by a croc anyhow before the saw finished the job properly) other chunks of leg nourished a surly croc. That particular croc we were informed was brought to the park in the first place because he had eaten a person. I don’t think it is possible to fully appreciate how terrifying these animals are until you have watched them ripping carcasses apart at feeding time. You can watch documentaries about them but it really doesn’t have the same stupefying impact

Hannibal:







Mommy croc looking after her eggs:



Feeding time frenzy:









Rosie the Alligator, a lovely sweet girl who is clearly in love with the keeper:






A male Alligator who hissed like anything at the Keeper, clearly he is jealous of Rosies affections:




During all of this my set A Strange Fortune came out.
Here is the set intro because If you are anything like me you get so excited at the prospect of the set itself that often the intro gets overlooked:

“Is our future set in stone? Is fortune a predictable river flowing towards a point, with only minor deviations eddying and swirling side to side within the current? Could it be something simple enough to be seen in tea leaves and fortune cookies...or even one day whittled down to a mathematical equation? I would like to believe that is not the case. I would like to believe it is not so simple. Make your own fortune!”

For a person who professes to believe I am the master of my own destiny I am fascinated by all sorts of items symbolic of luck and fortune and silly little superstitious rituals. I collect Fortune cats, I pick up coins for good luck, I love fortune cookies, I have special attachment to items of clothing and jewelry. I won’t walk under a ladder, I dislike spilling salt. I realize the silliness of all of it and yet…the dichotomy is amusing and interesting to me. Without getting unnecessarily poignant let us say it is a really personal theme and leave it at that.


The Lolcats version of The Creation of Adam supplied by Arethusa


I leave you with a vital piece of knowledge for all the Mo-sisters this Movember:




This concluded part one of Movember visit blogs more to come on sister units, womance, tattoos, furry things and shiny stuff

It has been a fucking long time since I have blogged. A shit load has been happening. Some of which you will get to see the fruits of very shortly

There was travelling,I did nakie shenanigans with my SGZA ladies. Romance of epic proportion and engagemental varieties went down



There was more travelling and I met more of my favorite SG's. I had near nervous breakdowns involving employment, spontaneously combusting cars /zombie cars/ and stupid car thieves. To top it all a Chaetophobic Movember beginning ZA style:

I had pretty pics, but my camera memory card ate them. So instead of my pics you shall have to content yourself with the pics you have seen on all the SGZA blogs!

To make up for me disappearing in space and time, I submit for your consideration

Best commercial EVA!
I'm Batman:




A panda:




AMAZING Boobs:








And a sandblasted Lumo:

A fortune cat courtesy of Lunar as a hint what is to come:




An amusing sign:




Something Amazeballs *giggle*

And Cake of the ear confection category:



kluvuby!

I did try to make an announcement to thank everyone for their wonderful comments on a A Simple Heart but trying to do so on my blackberry failed making me look like a noob. I did finally get it right but in case you didn't see it, thank you again!

It's always nice to tell a bit of a story about the making of a set, there was not too much to report on the making of A Simple Heart. The streak *guffaw* of giving randoms an eyeful does however seem to be continuing. The poses of me monkeying on the burglar guard put me directly in front of the neighbor's kitchen window, a sweet respectable British gentleman...also our superintendant for our building. I am glad the subject of my nekkid gymnastics has not come up just yet!

We shall not go into the subject of manicuring the topiary into its delightful heart shape, let us just say it was interesting and hilarious and required a bit more skill than one might have anticipated!

I really enjoy reading the comments and tags on sets, I know many people don't comment or tag them (to each their own) but frankly I find them fascinating! It's often a special little nod from friends on the site, private jokes, insights and sometime interesting, clever, odd and obscure. I mention it as an acknowledgement to those who left those type of comments and tags. I read them and they made me very giddy.


Also its time to tell you what the surprise from the previous blog was. I have myself some new ink! It is an old South African 1c piece. Why you may ask, if you read my grandfathers eulogy blog then you will understand. I have waited a fucking long time until I finally found an artist I am happy with. The artist who did the work is Mully from electric eye in Umhlanga and he is incredibly talented. I wanted to go see him ages ago after I saw a sleeve he did for a friend of mine but could never quite co-ordinate things to find him in-between the moments he ran away from the shop to surf and the precious few moments I am not rushing around like some kind of rabid marmot. The long awaited result...a red flaky tattoo that won't look very impressive to you just yet so I bear in mind it is still healing and does require touch ups and the pic is at an angle so it looks oval not round






Things I have been getting up to:

I played magicians assistant at Burn (a local club) for their annual sex and Candy show. I won't spoil how the illusion was done but my friend magician turned a blow up doll into me by publicly humping it and getting an audience member to help by waving the magic wand (an enormous wobbly dildo) over the humping bundle. It was impressive Gob level magician cheesiness



it was all tongue in cheek and I loved it. Anyone need a magician's assistant on a permanent basis?








Other cool stuff happening:

I am going to Limpopo early in September for a vacation/ shootfest with the other SGZA ladies: Tarion, Lunar, Kohana, Hadess, Skyla and Pyke.


Also making Lumo smile: My three favorite things: old books, digging through piles of crap to find something amazing and insects. I found this book hidden like treasure in a second hand bookstore: a beautifully illustrated book on - butterflies of Southern Africa. I am seriously running out of space for my books!








Other stuff which makes me happy:

Pugs are awesome



Lunar is awesome



Pugs+Lunar= brain puddifying cuteness


Please go love this set because It's currently my favorite.


Also Vassilis took some pretty pictures of me





I have another surprise but that will be revealed in time.

MASSIVE FUCK OFF BLOG BE WARNED

We have been a busy lass as usual.

The kung-fu grading that was hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles for the past couple of months finally happened after being postponed twice and the new date nebulously hanging in the ether undecided. Thank you to all of you who wished me luck. It went as I expected, unpleasant to endure but I demonstrated sufficient competency despite nerves. You wouldn't believe how anxious I get before these things. This often leads to fun stuff like blanks and doing all my forms at about half of my capability. Having said that I passed and my Sifu actually said he was happy, that coming from my Sifu is a huge compliment.

Each "level" in our system consists of two gradings: An actual grading and then a half grading/ progress assessment grading. The half grading only consists of form evaluation not physical assessment or sparring. One would think that because this was a half grading at the very least I would escape uninjured physically (we won't talk of the emotional scarring). We had to do a partner staff form as our last form and I got smacked in the eye proper like. I guess I was so nervous I had noodle arms not ideal for blocking a heavy staff strike. My Quassimodo eye didn't end up being too bad as we iced it immediately. Thank god it was my last form cause that properly jangled my nerves and well as my brain meats.

Also on the recent itinerary there was a trip to my JHB for my grandmothers 80th. The grading was less traumatic. Family members ask you awkward questions like: "what are you doing with your life?". Another firm favorite is "are you married yet?" to which I wish to respond "yes but it was too expensive to fly my seven husbands and three wives down for the event". The important bit is that it was a surprise for my gran who promptly burst into tears upon seeing me appear unexpectedly like some kind of ninja. Awkward questions endured were worth it. The venue also lessened AQD (awkward question discomfort). It was at an agricultural museum which was very interesting

More Lumo blather about fu: Our Grand Master of our system came to give us a seminar last night. It was so inspiring and humbling. His movements are just so fluid, his technique so perfect. It makes me realize just what a tiny fraction of a fraction I know. It reaffirms for me that I will be doing Kung-fu for the rest of my life without even hoping I will get to that level. Just pursuing that level in itself is a worthy goal. If I can one day possess a quarter of his knowledge and skill I will be satisfied. He is one of the few people I feel actual awe and reverence for.

Another thing to put me in a good headspace apart from the Seminar was the Nando's comedy festival. That day my car had broken down in a particularly crap area. Nothing puts you in a bleaker mood that a good hour stuck in a broken down car wondering when you are going to be stabbed in the face. Eventually I managed to get Lilly the turquoise terror (the car) home in time for the show somehow and it was exactly what I needed after that to turn a shitty day around. In fact after an incredibly stressful couple of months it was exactly what I needed. Thank you Vassilis who hooked us up with free tickets

A link to see check out the performers

And when I am in a good headspace I cook! It's kind of a chickpea cottage pie thing but with more of an Italian tomato, basil, red wine taste.

Step one:



Step two:



and another random smush I concocted



I may not cook often but when I do I am pretty damn awesome!

On a food related note I also went to the good food and wine fair where we watched Ainsley Harriot do his thing. I am certain there a tranny inside of that man making me like him more. He made some sort of a wonderful spicy seafood broth with a fancy name Bouillabaisse, which I definitely will try emulate at some point and term Bouillabastard. I was also elated to find Japanese flowering tea thingies, the technical term I assure you. I have been looking for these for ages, ever since my sister once gave them to me as a gift!




There was some of this

but not at the food and wine fair and which I did not cook...erm, prepare

I might have been a bit greedy



I saw these



They are all kinds of crap and I need them

Pretty things I saw one day leaving work while feeling whimsical and romantic

Other happy making things





My orchid is flowering again

Hats are awesome





So are ridiculous earrings




Look at this and have your face melted off my by the sensuousness. Some people are just sexy no matter if they were wearing a burlap sack



Tarion is one of them, go look at The Message

Kisska is another


Mezzanine

Behold the tastiness

Also SURPRISE!







I have a set going up tomorrow

Tomorrow is an auspicious day I think because something else interesting is also happening but I will keep that a surprise.

Cos Trannys are are wonderful and cos I fell a bit patriotic, SA's own Chris Chameleon/ Madame Chameleon

Everyone thank you for the comments on my goodbye to my grandfather.

In amidst all the horrible stuff endured of late there have also been some moments of respite

An eclipse! Here is my awful photography just for authenticity


And here is an actual photo of the eclipse done by someone with proper equipment and some actual talent



I am really glad we got to watch it inbetween hurtling down the road to catch my friends escaped kitten. Apparently the eclipse does strange things cats and she went thoroughly moggers and decided to try getting into the neighbor’s yard. Of course the residing demon hounds with a taste for cat flesh merely wanted to say hello. It is possible it does strange things to people too since I didn’t sleep at all that night and was in a good mood that morning. To clarify I have to remind you that mornings and I are old bitter enemies. Perhaps it was having coffee on my friends gorgeous patio that morning that put me in a good mood rather than the lunar happenings I could do with a place to ease into the day surrounded by orchids and birds and trees every day

I also went to watch Madame Zingara’s: a Burlesque/acrobatic/ theatrical show with gourmet food. I looked forward to this for ages and was not disappointed. I could write songs about their Chocolate steak!



Unfortunately we were not allowed to take photos during the show, so there are no pictures other than those I found online for you.

Madame Zingara.



This Chandelier/acrobatic performance was amazing and this girl was stunningly beautiful.



These girls were so breathtaking it almost moved me to tears



I went up in size with my plugs, and I have my eyes on these shinies

I can’t wait to get to the size I want then I won’t have to worry about getting beautiful jewelry that will become obsolete in a month. I could just get the right size right now but that would be torturing me having them and not being able to wear them!

I also got a few new toys for my camera and I have begun playing with them. Self shots are fucking hard especially when you are a completely clueless, nonetheless it was fun.





I leave you with this

Goodbye grampa, I will miss you

Thank you for being one of the first adults to have a philosophical conversation with me when I was but a child

Thank you for all the long walks we went on together

Thank you for teaching me about insects. I still recall the all the interesting dead bugs you would find and keep to show me when I visited

Due to you I will always pick up coins for good luck

I will never forget how kind you were to your dogs, they were your babies and how you always gave them tea and porridge in the morning with you.

I carry forward all these things and your stubbornness and sentimentality, your hands.

I think of how vital and strong and wonderful you were and I am sorry you suffered at the end

I love you lots and will remember you always

Look what some of us SGZA ladies did for Darkstreet's ecchi-anime blog.

Tarion








Hadess








Skyla







Kohana








Arq








And me!







Not only was this shoot fun to do but it was the first time I had met many of the SGZA's/ been to an SGZA event so these pics are a good memory too.

No tentacles were inserted in the making of this blog!

I am exhausted at the moment, I am grading soon so I have been doing some extra training on my own and pushing harder at regular training sessions too. The fatigue is starting to show in many subtle ways: I tried to open the parking boom at work with my house gate remote.

Observe me looking haggard and doing Kung-fu things.

I can't believe I am posting these I look like a hobo.

Apart from being harder than usual, training has also had some interesting moments. We did a conditioning exercise that involves inner fore-arm strikes to the ribs directly under the arm. This exercise is not designed for those of us with a fulsome pair of funbags. The side of my poor knockers were thoroughly knocked (I am sorry I can’t resist awful puns) At least now we know that boobs too can make a Newtons cradle.



Explaining to your Sifu (the most socially awkward man in the universe) why you are having difficulty with an exercise due to your boobs is interesting. We are learning a Crane form at the moment. It's incredibly beautiful if executed correctly but we all look ridiculous at the moment. We are not doing crane, so much as chicken-fu. All and all great fodder for delirious moments of hilarity.

Also in case anyone was wondering: glutamine tastes like semen. Vassilis and I realized we both had come to that conclusion the other day. If I am unfriended due to excessive use of bad puns in this blog, I understand and I forgive you!

I stopped doing push-ups and working long enough to have a Durban SGZA meet-up; Photographic proof:

It was really exciting to finally put a face to some of the people I talk to on the site:

Now I am man down with the dreaded lurgy so I am going to pump myself full of hippie meds and honey for my sore throat and sleep/read



Sick Lumo-wuss





Cayenne, Ginger, lemon and honey tea


Often I believe that wonderful sets just slip through the cracks for silly insignificant reasons, so If you haven't gone and had a look at these sets please do, I only mention a few here but really there are so many!

An early birthday present for me: Venus Anadyomene is queued for the front page, thank you so much everyone. I feel really overwhelmed by the wonderful comments about my set. Special thanks taLamia: without your magic none of this would be possible a further thanks to Vassilis, Tarion, Kraven, Renna, Saint, Cuddlefish and as always Mhef.

I am glad it was received so well because a lot of effort went into it. We woke up at 3 am, and as you know from my previous blogs I really hate mornings! Then we drove for ages until we found the location we wanted. If you look behind me in the first few images of the set, you will notice that there are beach houses in the background. Picturesque yes, but we did have at least one voyeur from the surrounding houses.

We were both looking around anxiously inbetween wave hopping to dash off if the police came to arrest us for public nudity. The weather thankfully played along considering it had been raining intermittently for days before. The sky stayed overcast, a fortunate thing for the photography.

Many of you commented on the fact that I looked cold in the photos, oh my word I was! Almost right in the beginning of the shoot an unexpected wave broke over me and from that point on I was covered in gooseflesh and shaking like a leaf. It's a miracle I managed to not look like a drowned rat in-between the shivering and random wave dodging

After avoiding waves until the final few shots, the sea decided to stop playing and the waves we needed just then just didn't come. So we waited while I considered who I would call to bail me out when the police came. Finally the perfect wave arrived and it was a wrap. As we were walking away the heavens opened, the perfect ending to an idyllic day.