As long as I can remember I have had a plan. I knew how I wanted to spend my days. I was almost at the finish line, only a thesis lay between me and practicing, when I realised that it would not make me happy. I could never be stationary in an office the entire day, seeing one sick person after another only to go home to case reviews and research. I am also not good at separating myself from my patients I would blame myself if I could not help them. You can’t view someone's illness as some kind of personal failure, that’s just a recipe for head-crazy. So for a while I have been lost, uncertain about what I want to do.

After at least a decade of certainty it was pretty fucking scary for me. I lost confidence in myself. Life continues though, even if you would like some time out for introspection. Bills don't pay themselves, so I worked. I did what job was available, which was not much, despite having many years of work experience and a B-tech. I won't elaborate about it, sufficed to say it was unpleasant, emotionally challenging and not mentally stimulating.

It has taken me a while to be brave enough to even try to figure out "where to from here" With considerable amounts of will power and much prodding from those around me I chose to try again. I made a choice to fumble towards something better. I am so glad I did. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It has been so long since something has grabbed me with such voracity. To feel ambition and passion re-awakened and to feel aptitude utilised. I always worry about making the same mistakes as in the past. What if at the end of my studies now I find myself in the same position. Despite these small self-doubts it's a decade later since I first started studying. I am an adult, unlike when I began. I know myself much better now and my focus is completely different. I have more grit. I know what it is like to work under a truly awful boss. I know what it is like to work a lot to get little money, respect or satisfaction.

At some point I hope everyone gets to experience a job that involves hard work, long hours, bad pay and earns no respect from bosses and customers. Not because I wish hardship on anyone, simply because perhaps the world would be a much nicer place if people could empathise with those serving their food, ringing up their groceries. Perhaps people would be more patient and polite have better work ethic too. Perhaps people would follow dreams instead of mistaking complacency for comfort. So here is to all of you who have ever had a shit job that sucks your soul grey. I am currently having a drink for you.

And to lighten the mood, I have a set coming out on 27th at 9am







Also the first SA multi: Eternal with Tarion and Lunar on the 28th March at 4pm