PICS
No more long or even medium length hair for a little while! I've gone short, and you know what? It actually feels really freeing! Now I can get back to my roots... pun intended.
Luckily, its not as short as it looks in these pictures. Yay! I think I can grow my hair out within the remainder of this year. Its better for me to have less hair in the scorching hot months of the year. Its so curly! So I have to tame it for a bit!
Again, this is what I'm going for:
CAN'T WAIT!
Look at this long list of recently pink ladies:
Jupiter
Maokiz
Bruise
Stingray
Bitten
KattyFox
Kurosune
Milou
Babilina
Dayum! That's amazing! I'm holding out my excitement for Jupiter, Kurosune, and Bitten! So happy this happened for them!
All of them! But... OMG I can just picture a multi with both Milloux and Kurosune!! ... I'm melting just thinking about it! hahaAnd Bitten, I'm so happy that after all this time, I finally see you pink!
Justice has been served! YAAAAAY!
Speaking of which, I got this lovely tote bag from Bitten! Its Salvador Dali, one of many people that I share my birthday with! THANK YOU, Bitten!
Ooo and don't forget about these:
Sunday!!
Ooooooooooh Canada! 
I've still got hope for this
I would like to do few things to happen before I shoot again.
I will grow out my hair
want to find other people to shoot with, because variety is always nice. (:
I might actually get a tattoo... maybe... been thinking about this for a while, but I hope I don't get one just because of pressure to do so.
So far, I like this idea:
Something simple, yet very meaningful to me! :3
I also want to design my own half sleeve, with some text, a dream catcher-compass, with the sun, moon and stars, and somehow incorporate a bit of One Piece in the sleeve, as well. Who knows if I'll actually commit to a half sleeve. I'm so scared of needles, and now I find out that you have to make sure you aren't allergic to the inks...? O.o
I think I should also start some kind of fund for that stuff. Tattoo's aren't exactly cheap, from what I hear.
BAHHH! 
I also met the lovely, Tita a few days ago! She is such a lovely bundle of joy! I hope I get to see more of her in the future!
Well, Until next time, I'm going to get out, continue to sculpt my body, and enjoy this pre-summer weather!
Tumblr, anyone?
Tumblr- FightOnLuffy
MUAH
xoxo
Lots of love!
The week before my birthday, a few other SGs, Shazzy, and I shot a little somethin' somethin' ,and you can expect to see the results of that on May 27th. It was originally scheduled for an appearance on the 31st, but some sets were bumped up, including this one!
On my birthday, I was sitting at a table with both Glitch and Alle. (two of my top twenty... if that even means anything. ) I felt so special! Sadly, I have no photos this time around. Glitch is wonderful! And Alle? I have been in love with her for a while now!
Later that day, I went to Harbourfront by myself, had a picnic, continued my affair with Mary Jane, and let the day soak in. I enjoyed the beautiful weather, the sights, the sounds, and let my senses soak up the life and vitality that was surrounding and within me. It was a beautiful day, indeed. Thank you very much for everyone who sent out birthday wishes! There were a lot of you, but I hope I got back to everyone who sent me some birthday love.
Had a lovely Gathering with a several other members and SGs in the Toronto area. I had a blast, and missed seeing everyone! They have the SG Canada East Gala coming up next month, but I'm afraid I'm too bashful to make it! I'm not sure what's happened to me lately, but I haven't been out partying for the longest time! I think the last time was new years, and that was a hotel party in Niagara Falls. The last time I got drunk, however was this weekend. I had an amazing weekend, this past long weekend. We celebrated the Birthday of Queen Victoria... not really.It just seems like this is another excuse to drink, which after a few months straight of no alcohol, I did. We went to a family BBQ. I decided out of no where that I wanted a few MGDs. Its so good! And no morning hangovers is a wonderful bonus! When I finally realized I was drunk on the ride back home, I buried my head and curled up in a ball lol.
I even missed seeing the eclipse that happened that night. (Sunday) Did anyone else see it? I remember there being a solar eclipse the day before my birthday, back in 1994. That was awesome timing! May 10 seems a little popular for eclipse occurrences, even possibly in the future!
This one was dubbed "The Ring of Fire"
I didn't take these. Found them on Tumblr! Wish I could have, though.
What's happening right now? Not a whole lot. Enjoying One Piece. I'm skipping, and am on the bike, in some really lovely weather. Getting in a bit of family time. Looking for jobs/apartments, and some time with the boy, whenever that can be squeezed in. Its good that he's busy again. I am too, but in a different way.
I am currently undergoing a process of renewal, and rebirth. I'm getting rid of my permed hair, letting my natural hair back in. The new growth is so curly!
I can get it like this in a year or so:
...
I'm chopping the rest of the permed hair off by the end of this week. There is enough hair after that to act as a really soft cushion for a little while! Gotta have some fun with this!
When it gets longer, I am going to do a set in a wonderful spot I found yesterday. Its beautiful! I was high, and just wanted to bask in the nature that I saw and felt there yesterday. I was topless there for about 5 minutes, and it was probably my favourite 5 minutes of the day! Then people started showing up...
I am re learning things that I was taught to by other people. Reinventing, reworking how to do things. A lot of observing, but I do my best not to judge.
I think it will be a good summer.
I recently discovered that flying to most of the places I'd like to visit is rather inexpensive. Not cheap, but not shoot a hole through your wallet expensive! This is good! Now I can start planning trips the right way, and not last minute, where me having a laminated Birth Certificate won't be a problem!
I've made a lot of claims as to travel plans that were in fact just wishful thinking on my part. They were always so last minute. I know I'll be able to travel a bit next year. Might get out to NY by the end of this year, and I really want to go to the UK, France, Argentina, Chile, Colombia, Italy, Amsterdam SA, LA, Vancouver, and Chicago. There are more places, but these places have stuck with me for the longest time. Then there is Ohio... the ever elusive Ohio hehe I will make it there one day!
This transformation is definitely going to be documented, a least in my head. Its just starting, but its such a beautiful experience to be going through. A few things I'm realizing is that love is all we need. It doesn't have to be romantic, it would be nice if more unconditional love would float around more often. Also, Those things that are so natural and freeing are scrutinized a whole lot where I live, and in a lot of the world. Why?! I just want to be naked!!! (at least in the summer)
For A Birthday present, I got this SWEEEEET fan art from Fimbis. I tell you, I'm in love with this picture every time I see it! Thank you!!!
"I open myself to the healing powers of love.
I deeply and truly love and approve of myself.
Love is the purpose of my life.
Love is everywhere." Heart Chakra Affirmations
Did this last night
exhale...
Unicorn!
Be Free, my friends
Til Next time,
Lots of love!
xoxoxo
P.S
Dormant Power is at 700 comments! Thank you, everyone! So much and dearly!
Today is going to be devoted to being in nature, as well as finding out more about myself.
This year is going to be devoted to learning how to lead an alternative life that works for me. I want to obtain full control of my life- Which is not as easy as task as might seem.
I cannot believe I'm 24!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I have to ask is WHAT'S THE RUSH WITH TIME?Anyways, A lot of crazy things have happened lately, and I will fill you in on that later, but now i just want to say that I love all of my friends on SG. There are a lot, who give me a lot of support, no matter what is happening with me. I really appreciate the love, and hope I can return the love and support to you all!
Much love, and Happy Birthday to me! :3 (I guess I'll be happy about it.)
xo
I decided it was time to make another video, for anyone interested.
"I figure I'm due for a video. In this video, I want to celebrate the progress I've made on my body, the good things I have in my life, and my birthday coming up in a few days. In here, I also celebrate my rebirth. I'm changing every day, growing into the person I truly want to be.
Enjoy!
xo"
So, a few days ago, I got fed up with my permed hair, and decided to chop some of it off. This is what it looks like:
Its chopped to a few inches before my shoulders.
I'm glad I went through with the cut in the end, because it feels like dead weight has been lifted from my mind, both physically and mentally.
It's funny, because a few days after I chopped my hair off, my bf did the same thing. So much hair, gone! lol Its for work, so it doesn't interfere. He says hes going to grow it out for modeling in the fall. I can't wait to see how long both of our hair gets by then! :o
Then, the next day, the surprise that I was telling some of you about happened. Went to the Island with my bf and our bikes, and rode around for a bit, then met up with a few other SGs from the area, and Shazzy, and a multi was successfully captured. Then I got awkward, and went my separate way, just missing a storm that was delayed in hitting the island for quite some time after hitting the main land.
I'm sure its going to look, great, but you can expect that to be up in a few months.
I am battling my inner demons with Vitamins, minerals and -as much as possible- natural foods. I think I was going crazy last week partly due to not getting the nutrients I needed. Things like this:
help me out so much! Never thought I'd be eating so many veggies before
I am also writing down whatever I need to, upon whim. Being completely honest with what I see, and how I feel about it. Its helping become aware of myself, in ways I would have over looked. I am going to actively try to resolve one of my issues as my birthday present to myself. I hate to see problems between my family, but I'm not all that comfortable being around them. I don't like the distance that I've created with them. With anyone else, if I'm distant, its probably for good reason. But Family? They've been nothing but nurturing to me, especially these last few years! I want to tell them that I know what they are trying to d for me, and that I appreciate them and their efforts. I'm learning every day that love will concur all ill feelings. Unconditional love is very powerful, and my goal is to spread it around to the world. Through good food, good cheer, activities, connecting, sympathizing, empathizing, learning from, teaching, feeling; Love is beautiful, and in order for me to be happy, I need to be love.
"It takes more bravery to find out who you are beyond your pain than to merely survive it."- Anonymous
This is the hip hop I want to hear more of. Its so chill!
It would be nice to see this on the front page for my birthday, but I think its just wishful thinking.
I will continue to fight off my inner demon, as I wait for the day of the distinctive flare. 24 feels like its going to be a very special and profound year. 2012, so far already has been.
Love
xo
I can't make it to Hell City, all because my birth certificate is laminated...
WHAT THE FUCK!?? Anyways, I'm sorry! I know there was generated excitement with me going down there, but I won't have any passport problems for next year's show. Maybe I can prepare better, as well! (I keep forgetting how quickly May creeps up from the beginning of the year)... Times going fast!I wonder where its all going in such a rush? How am I shaping up the rest of my life? The impact that I'm currently leaving, as the days continue to topple down like a medium sized erected domino line. I think this insinuating feeling first came upon me around the week of April 20th. The start of the sun in Taurus. Yes, I believe in astrology, to an extent. I know I told everyone already, but I just want to point out that its the year of the dragon- My Chinese zodiac sign, and it is also the time of the year under Taurus.
I feel like a fucking raging bull, with the vigilante stamina, and will power of the dragon. I feel like a monster!
No matter what the consequences, I feel like saying fuck you, I want the freedom to live life on my own. Discover my own trials, tribulations, triumphs, and turning points, without my family trying to direct my life for me. I can see it in the things they say to me... They think I'm not living up to my potential. Translation: They don't have enough trust and faith in me to let me discover my potential with time. Why is there such an urgency placed upon this? All the urgency adds to is stress, and making poor decisions, especially when it comes to your working life. I'm already been in that situation... I'm not interested in repeating the results of it. Not at all! I become distant, and run away, to a place where I can make sense of the craziness of every day life. Think about it, then come up with the best possible solutions. I can't do that around people that are panicking for me, when I'm still trying to take in the task to hone in on it. Geess...
Now, I'm being kicked out of my aunt's house earlier than I wanted, and I know I'm now under pressure to find a job that I can live with. ARRGHHHH! I know what's going to work, now. But I'm going to have to ask for help... something I hate doing, maybe a psychologist, even, and commit to finding the best possible job, because I am not willing to settle this year, even if that means I become homeless... That's how crazy I feel!!
I'm burning with such intense stubbornness, and determination to get things done my way; not the conventional way. I'm, in a sense picking a fight with the world, my family... myself... ... ... ...
And, yet, to flip things over to the opposite side, incredible self discovery is currently unfolding within myself. I'm gaining insight into things so complicated, and yet so simple about myself, and the people I interact with and observe. I swear, psychology students go into psych partly to find a cure for their own 'issues'...
My favorite part of being out in public, when its no body that I know is being able to observe the people, scenarios, and flow of the environment. And, like I've said upon coming back from Montreal, Toronto's fucked! My least favorite part of going out in public is that the huge crowds of unhappy zombies hopping from subway station to subway station at the speed of light trying to either get to work on time, or hurry home to relax. Everyone around me hates their job. Why should I become like that too, if its possible not to. I know there's a job out there for me! And with that, I am finding so much strength that I never knew that I had. I have quadruple the courage I had when I was younger to stand up for myself. I know I'm making mistakes still, but I'm starting to feel like a hue that's a little more true to my fundamental personality colour.
And, when I Dooo retreat, its to a lovely place. I go and visit my boyfriend in one of the neighboring towns, and visit my dad in a different neighboring town. Those moments out of the city are amazing! I'm starting to open up to my dad, which is amazing, but I can't do it with my aunt yet... I am truly blessed!... In each situation, but this place is where I can find monetary, but autonomous moments. I feel complete and utter peace. I am not scared, I am not worried, I have no self doubt, I have complete awareness, and I become my environment. It becomes me. I sound very geeky, but these moments are truly profound to the point where, I start feeling like a training monk or something... Its all really strange, and I don't exactly know how these feelings come about, or how to maintain these feelings, while I get back to the concrete jungle of panic that is Toronto.
When I came back, I chopped off some of my hair. I'm transitioning my hair from permed to natural. I hate the hold that society's had on me to have straight hair! I forgotten how beautiful my natural hair is. Its in little curly ringlets, and its so soft! Its funny... Growing up, I thought that because a person was of African American/ Canadian decent that their hair was too nappy, and therefor not pleasant to have. Pfft My hair isn't even nappy! I'm happy to find this out. I probably won't do any sets aside from the next one I'm having done, until I get my hair back to an optimal length. I'm so not used to this yet!
Right now, because of the two different textures in my hair it is a bitch to deal with... It turns out that I really don't have the patience to let it grow out long enough before getting rid of the ends. My hair hasn't been this short in a while... It feels awkward, but it feels freeing at the same time. My dead ends have been chopped off! So now, I'm leaving my hair to grow, as I must have patience from this point. I'll get my hair back ...soon?
I'll put pictures of it up later. I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood for pictures at the moment. I still have a lot to look forward to, as I kind of knew that I'd need to get back to job searching right about now. I need to go job, and apartment hunting now. I'm going to make this fun. Only optimism is allowed with me this month. For it is May! I was born in this month, I share the month with Luffy which I did not know til recently
This is when the weather gets really warm, the days approach the longest periods of sunshine, natures colours of reawakening life paint the landscape like a canvas. Ooo I do really love May, and everything that happens within the month of May! What I was trying to get at, at the beginning of this blog was, that This year starting from a few weeks ago is going to show me very profound spiritual, and mental growth, even if that means that I'm in for some crazy shit within these next few months.
Fuck it all... I say, bring it on!
There's a lot going on. Better make sure it doesn't send my head spinning.
I think I'm due for a video soon.
Til next time, I'll leave you with:
These songs all tell a little of what I harbor and feel inside me at the moment:
This song is for Leon
Still apart of the list of how I feel. But, this song isn't symbolic of my romantic relationship...God no! Listen to the lyrics of this one for me?
Lots of love,
xo
I can't wait for the surprise!
I've got a new profile picture, Amarena is FINALLY pink, and I'm obsessed with my bum...What do you think?
Also, my birthday is in two weeks, I'm going to fight my way through to Hell City next week, and that surprise that some of you may know of is taking place next week, as well!
There's a lot set to happen in the next few weeks! So excited!
More of an update later, I need to get ready.
bf time, and I've fallen in love anew everyday! <3
Love lots and lots of love,
Luffy
so determined... So ready to make this trip happen... even if that means paying almost $100 dollars more to get me there! I seriously don't know where this money came from, but fuck it. I am getting my ass to Hell City!
Wooooo!
And I don't fucking believe it! Amarena is pink! Wow! Amazing.
I think this is the highlight of the first chunk of the year. That lady has produced so many wonderful sets that I felt were always overlooked. But it seems that call has finally been answered, and I'm so euphoric for Amarena!!!!
"With the power of Soul, anything is possible!"
I want to make a new set...
That's all for now. :3
Tumblr
I want to spread my wings and fly...
xo
[EDIT] Thank you, staff for changing my picture!
I don't know how I stumble across some of the songs that I do... There are a few of them that have the power to get that final jolt of strength you need to tell what ever is bothering you to "fuck off."I have to admit that I wasn't feeling my best these last few days, but, as I grew aloof to the world around me, focusing in on the ailment that ended up ignoring my physical immune system, and ended up penetrating my mind, my emotions, primal reactions. I was glazed over in apathy, and yet I had this overwhelming feeling of me needing to find success, and find it now. I was at my limit with how much I could handle... Those around me only taking in a- "spend every waking moment searching for a job, get a job, and get a job now!" dialect. I have faith in myself that I'll find something when I'm ready, not when I'm the most desperate. I have enough resources to be okay with out a job for a while, so this is what I will do for a few months, so that I can really get back on my feet in a strong and positive way when I'm finally ready. I know what I'm capable of doing when the time calls for it. So, why than is everybody else around me so scared of the current actions that I'm taking? I suspect that some people may have put a shallow though in that with the resulting no job, no apartment situation meaning that I've some how failed...not succeeded. When I put those pieces together, I was a bit disappointed with my findings. I'm not saying that that is a fact. Its not, I just went with my instinct as to what could equate to the frustration that was building up when I first got back to the city.
Well, guess what? I'm slowly showing my family that I'm comfortable with the person I am right now, and that I prepare for things in my own way- I like to make up my own system for getting things done.
For instance, Today, I attempted to roll my second ever joint, and while following two different methods, that I'd observed from other people, I basically said "... How about I get this done with my logic", and sure enough I had succeeded. Wasn't perfect, but it got me smiling. I continue to learn different things about myself, other people, my interactions, and different aspects of my life that have never been brought up before. I'm starting to feel more liberated, in a sense, as well as more proud of who I really am. That in itself is amazing. Its a humbling experience, but none the less a beautiful process, unfolding at just the right speed.
I know I'll find my definition of success, when I'm ready. I am not worrying about what year that will happen- how soon it will happen, so my family should be, either.
This brings me to the second reason I was feeling kinda shitty.
I've always wanted to go to Ohio...well ever since joining the site. And now I have a chance of doing this, but I know my mind is trying to rationalize me, so that I don't end up going, and I miss out on an inspiring opportunity. I have been thinking about the mind, lately...Watching my own mind, from an unbiased standpoint. How could I accomplish this? By simply asking, "Why?" "Why do I feel like this right now?" "Why is my mind making up so many rules?" "Why do I feel scared of making this happen?" Money became the reason why I couldn't go anymore... I'm sorry, but looking back, I feel a little pathetic. I know I'll be safe, even if I blow all the money I have on this trip, I know I'll be okay. So now, what is there to stop me from going to Ohio? I can't think of anything. I have been a fraid-y cat all throughout my teen years, and I was known as the worried one. Ever since joining the site, I've seen tremendous growth away from that fearful person I was becoming. I knew deep down, that's not me. I am fighting an ongoing battle to kill my old life, and rebirth yourself as, well "yourself". I'm realizing that not all risks are bad. You might gain some timely insight, or an experience to add to later wisdom. Who knows, and you're going to blow this off because of money? Eff that! I've always had lame excuses, but this is just pushing it!. So, as scared as I am, I'm going to go... Keep in mind I'll be leaving the country for the first time ever... I hope border security doesn't pick a fight... lol
Fear is trying to seep its way back to my mind. But, I won't let it!
Another thing that I was nervous about, is that I ended up taking the responsibility to plan something, and I followed through with getting the project organized. In exactly a week and a half, I'm going to be involved in a surprise, that resulted out of a fun idea I had. I'm so excited! But, getting everyone in the same mind frame took a bit of courage. I hate organizing things, because I always want everyone to have their ideas go through in the final result. Either way, check back with me really soon, for I might give a little hint as to what the surprise is. (:
Time, I know is only man made, but its clever. To make me think that I have to rush with the clock to find my purpose in life. All that is is unnecessary stress. Who the fuck knows what they want to do, unless they do it to the point where it is something they truly enjoy. Something that, everyday doesn't seem like work in the traditional sense, but that gives that person joy and fulfillment. Even the people who have their masters, PhDs and are working somewhere they didn't picture a few years prior. I wish our system could allow for more creativity, to not only be fostered in children, artists, philosophers, architects, engineers.- Those who need creativity in their every day lives. Business people, scientists, mathematicians, we ALL need to let our creativity flourish. I think this could easily be done if some of these things I'm seeing around me were done in a different way, I think. This system doesn't work for everyone, and I wish we could control certain elemental essentials ourselves a little more... Ugh. This that I'm rambling on about now is a whole other topic.
Point is, Why do we have to compete, compare and and be compared to? Why is it always the dozens of sheep that flock towards a few herders every new generations that come about? What is with this hierarchy? We should be able to the freedom to have different shape houses, made from different materials, with different rooms and organization, to accurately represent the true lifestyle you want.
I'm sure we'd be a little happier. Woops... Rambling on still.
I REALLY want my profile picture to change... I see other members changing their profile pictures, and look back on the days when I would do that. I'm crossing my fingers that it will change soon, to this:
And, just for fun, which one is your birth date?
I'm the Flower Dog.
Til next time,
Love
Xoxo
P.S
Thanks for the support and love on my set! No matter what happens with it, what's done is done, and I take pride in what I made. (:
Cheers!
