PICS
I've been quite active recently, but not with my blogs. I can't say that I'm sorry, because its been really hard to find the right words to blog down. However, I will attempt to put into words what life has had in store for me lately.
There has been a lot going on internally... which could actually translate quite well into an externally boring few months.
I haven't had much interaction with friends or family this past little while, but this has afforded me the opportunity for some SERIOUS self observation and reflection. And now, because of this, I am changing at a faster rate than I thought possible earlier this year.
Slowly, as I piece all of the puzzle that is my life together, I'm realizing this:
Quietly, I'm learning,
Slowly I'm growing,
More and more, I'm loving.
And yet, I still feel a 'net' of friction between myself and society.
I'm feeling as though society prompts us to take life as seriously as we can.
Do your best to fit in.
Mistakes are bad, and to some extent looked down upon. Yet, we are more likely to remember the bad things that people do, than the good they do.
Traditional ways of living, ( go to school, get a well paying job, work your way up the 'ladder' find a spouse to marry, have a family, live in a home that is surrounded by concrete/drywall/glass/brick on all sides)... I dunno. That all sounds lovely, but
WHAT IF you want to try living life a different way? I seem to run into dead ends when I attempt to ask a lot of people that question. Oh well, You can bet that in a few years from now, I will leave the city.
I'm sick and fucking tired of feeding a system that is diseased, and self serving. While the majority of us suffer just to get by, while at the same time we deal with such personal, and collective problems such as violence, outlets of misleading information, physical and mental disease, loss, betrayal, greed, addiction, and fear... Oooohhh Fear. Why I even let you into my psyche, I don't know, but I am devoting my life to ridding myself of it for good.
Before I get any further into this pent up rant, I will divert my course of thought into something more positive. :]
I'll start this by asking,
What is the opposite of fear?
Love. I'm starting to realize that one of the main goals of my life is to love. Unconditional love is a powerful friend, and a powerful source of strength that will never let you down. It can be difficult in reaching this state of being, but I think this quote sums this up nicely,
“The source of love is deep in us and we can help others realize a lot of happiness. One word, one action, one thought can reduce another person’s suffering and bring that person joy.”
— Thich Nhat Hanh
It doesn't take that much to do something through a source of love, and it can turn your whole world around in less than a second. Imagine what you could do for someone else...?
I'll admit that its harder for me to follow through on my words when I'm at work, because I feel trapped, in a way. Its not a natural setting, and when either you or the person on the other side of the counter is in a rush, it doesn't allow for me to take my time and genuinely get across the message from my heart.... Its hard at work. Maybe if I was a therapist, it would be different, but again, too many rules associated with being a therapist.
And, did I tell you just how much I hate rules? I've been ignoring some that could get me in serious trouble lately, but that is another story.
I'm learning new ways of taking care of myself that are helping to make me look younger than I already look, as well as grow my hair out really really fast. Look where its at now!:
“There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life.
There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that
mine.
O traveler, if you are in search of That
Don’t look outside, look inside yourself and seek That.”
— Rumi
Here are a few more pictures:
1.
The cutest hair style I've pulled off yet with my natural hair:
2. What is my favourite colour?
Its Yellow! Happy Sundies!
3.
I've gotten rid of Dormant Power. It was a nice try of a set, and there are some really nice shots, but I didn't get to show you what I wanted to show you. I will just wait for the right opportunity to shoot again, and make it happen. Besides, I don't want the set to waste away in MR. Nope... Not this lady.
I do want to do a new set sometime in the near future. I just haven't had the right opportunity yet. I'm stuck in Toronto for a while yet... If anyone could help a lady out with that, it would be GREATLY appreciated! 
And 4. signifies that it is indeed getting really cold outside...
This weather totally impedes on me being nude whenever I want to... 
Oh well.
Til next time, my friends.
xoxo
Please know that I will always come back to you.
I'll never think of you with ill manner,
Only through my ever blooming curiosity.
what I can say is that:
Yoga is amazing!
I'm inspired to start modeling again.
I'm here most of the time now. I got rid of my personal facebook for a while.
Much Love,
xoxo
And, congrats to the new pink ladies!
Luckily my intuition is so close to me, these days, that I feel its rhythm like a second heart beat of mine.
Instead of focusing on things like:
what I don't have
fear that comes from outside forces
comparing my successes to those of others
being angry or resentful for the negativity that has surrounded me lately
the feeling of falling behind my family, friends, and peers young and old
I am calmly reminded, everyday to focus on the here and now. There is no such thing as time being in the past, present, or future, when you are in the zone. I am allowed days, (like today) when I do 'nothing' and hibernate like a hermit in my room. Just so long as they don't accumulate into a lifestyle all on its own. A Balance of uneventful, and busy days are needed to keep life's wheel turning in the direction of your own influence.
I understand, accept, and embrace the fact that I am a black sheep, and that I'm a late bloomer with all of my life events, but I seriously wouldn't have it any other way!
One of my highest values is that
each of us be our own person,
make our own decisions,
represent our own passions,
trust ourselves,
define our own success,
and love unconditionally.
Okay, so that was more than one, but I think they all go hand in hand with each other, and I know that it is my purpose in life to help spread these messages to anyone I can.
Every day has the potential to bring out so much fear, anger, and ignorance, but it also has the ability to let us find our own happiness, discover something we didn't know the day before, and climb over stones that were once too hard to get over. No matter how small, or complex things become, you always have a choice. I always have the concept of free will in the back of my mind, but I believe in having it- As long as you don't let anyone else influence you to a degree of shifting gears, free will is yours in abundance.
I know that bad things happen, and I know there has been a lot of suffering and pain this year, for many of us, but I just want you to know that change is like an ocean wave, and to change something you need to believe in your ability to bring positive change about. Catch the wave! Don't sink within it. Not without a fight!
Day by day, things will get better. You will get past your shortcomings, and go through the light at the end of the tunnel.
Every time this happens for me, it feels as though I am farther and farther away from my 'friends' of the past. I hear new vocabulary that is positive, encouraging, and inspiring. My true nature becomes more apparent, and I feel more compassionate towards those who have wrong in their lives.
Winter is coming, and more and more, I just want to cuddle in my room, and settle down for a little while, but I know that my soul really needs nature to nurture it... I wish the cold wasn't so harsh on my skin... haha I try not to let it, but when I'm trying to clear my mind outside lately, I find the cold quite distracting.
Sooo, to help with this, I will be starting Yoga, hopefully tomorrow. I know that I need to keep active, and nurture more than my physical body. And, to be honest, with all of the interest I've had in Yoga, I'm not sure why I haven;t started it already? Needless to say, I think I'm at a stage in my life where I'm confidently ready to FINALLY begin taking yoga classes. I'm really excited, as I know, after this my life won't be the same. I'll be closer to where I want to be, as I am becoming more and more receptive to the universe, in wanting to spread her message of love.
I hope you all are doing well, my friends.
you are all precious to me, and I wish the best for you all! :3
Lots of love,
Luffy
xo
Be who you are, Not what they see.
I'm lost until I see the moon.
It lights a new significance;
Inner death will ignite truth and purpose in me,
finally.
Better pictures soon.
Xo
I'm K.O-ing these adversaries. Feeling Good. Thanks for the love, my friends!
These songs are le Sex... at least for me. 
Settling in, but can't get too comfortable yet. Now I hear that I'm being ripped off in regards to the apartment I moved into last week. My roommates and I are going to get to the bottom of this... I swear! Even if that means having to move aaaagain.
I feel like I'm being scammed a lot lately... What the fuck? At work, less pay than I expected, less hours than expected, and more nagging from the higher ups...
Even with my phone. I pay for three months of service in advanced, and now its being cut off after the first month.
I feel as though I'm being taught the hard way to put my foot down, and stand up for myself, replacing fear with courage for good.
So many things to correct in this next little while, but once that is done, I'll finally be able to take a little break. Maybe go back for a visit in Montreal. I miss Alle dearly!
It seems I go back and forth between fear, and self doubt, to courage, and prideful confidence. As I get to know myself, I am realizing that I am a master of duality... I'm not sure if that is a good thing or not, because the extremes aren't always necessary, and I end up feeling like I'm just being dramatic.
Oh well, I know that once I do learn the true meaning of courage that it will be a day worthy of celebration!
Yup, October's been a not so smooth month so far, but I know to stay positive and to stay focused, because as the famous saying goes, "This too shall pass."
I continue to play around with my camera. It would be nice to eventually upgrade my camera, and equipment, but for now, I like what I've been getting lately.
There are more pictures, somewhere, but let's continue, shall we?
I don't know why I'm still getting comments on Dormant Power, but I must say hitting the 1000 comment mark is a nice thing to experience. Thank you everyone who has continued to show me love. Not just in commenting on my sets, but for carrying on the lovely conversations, sharing stories, exchanging advice and information, and just enjoying the site together. Its a great place to be, and I'm really thankful to be apart of this wonderful, and life changing place.
Yeah... I am definitely stirring something up. Its just a matter of time, now. Muhahahaa!
Its Canadian Thanksgiving weekend! At the very start of the weekend, I wanted to be alone, because I was dealing with the frustrations that I mentioned at the beginning of the blog, but I'm glad that I was able to pull myself out of that slum. I guess I just really needed some time to vent that out. Bottling up emotions can kill... That's right folks!
More things that I am thankful for:
My family who knows how distant I can be, but still embraces me with open arms!
My extended family, who I've grown to care so much about. My blood relatives, my boyfriend's family, my dear friends, as well as the many people that I am friends with on SG. I have an AMAZING support system behind me, and all I can say to that is, I'm honored!
My boyfriend, who I can say has definitely been a life altering influence in my life. He's helped me be more open minded, and to do my best not to rely on what I was told was the right way to rely on when working through this puzzle we call life. I've been able to relax, shut my mind off, stop planning my next move detail for detail. Stop worrying when the cards aren't in my favor. Don't worry. Things will happen as they need to.
I've now realized that I am a really intuitive person. I can pick up on things that are very subtle, but just as powerful. I can now successfully rely on my intuition as my primary guide through the bumper car maze I'm currently in... That's the kind of change I mean. Although I won't be giving him all the credit, he's definitely helped me chill the fuck out, and that in itself is pretty powerful. Crazy, huh?
His mother was just diagnosed with stage four cancer, so I was happy to visit her in the hospital to see that things had been stabilized, that she had other people close to her, and that she was laughing and smiling a lot. She's such a positive person, and my thoughts go out to her. I know that she will be able to beat it!
Good food, lots of adventures with Mary Jane. Soaking up the sun in Nature's classroom, whenever possible.
This summer was another thing to be thankful for. It was beautiful, and full of adventures from the very beginning to the very end. Ending with me living in my old roommate's living room. I'm just happy that I can look back on that and be thankful that I was able to stay there for a little while, while I searched for a place to live.
Oh and this
My bf and I in a photo booth at a friend's wedding!
There is tons more, but really... I'm starting to sound really corny!
Now to get this house business settled once and for all.
Stay beautiful, friends. I love you
The lights will guide you home.
xo
Happy Thanks Giving!
It's October!
I moved again!
Now, I'm able to focus on accomplishing some goals!
And, I have a little sanctuary where I can be naked in peace!!
WIN!
Topless Tuesday-ish?
...It's kind of cold in here. I'm not going to lie.
More updates soon!
xo
P.S
This girl ( Vayda_) is HOT! I hope she becomes pink soon!
It's October!
I moved again!
Now, I'm able to focus on accomplishing some goals!
And, I have a little sanctuary where I can be naked in peace!!
WIN!
...It's kind of cold in here. I'm not going to lie.
More updates soon!
xo
P.S
This girl ( Vayda) is HOT! I hope she becomes pink soon!
I need to be honest with you, and say that things have been quite crazy lately. My days have been filled with uncertainty, and purging. Lots of purging... I'm slowly shedding away my old skin.
My blogs haven't been as frequent, and they have been very vague. I want to start blogging like I used to, so expect that to start in October!
October... Is the year almost done... already?! Woooow! And what a year it has been!
Anyways, before I start off on any tangents I think I will end this little blog here.
Still super busy, and I predict that the rest of 2012 and 2013 are going to continue to be crazy.
Gotta run for now. See you in October!
Peace & Love
xo
“Am I the body? The body will be discarded like an old dress but I continue, so I’m not that. Am I the mind? The mind too fades and is not eternal, so I am not that. I am atma, the eternal soul. I am love.”
— Awake in the World, by Debra Moffitt
If letting go means letting be
And the truth beyond the mind is what I need
I’m an evolutionary sleeper
Cynic, Evolutionary Sleeper
Don't be scared of the unknown. Although the ground below me is indeed unstable- any step I take might make damage this network of bridges I entangled myself in.- I know that if I close my eyes, open up my ears, and listen with my pulse and rhythm of my heart, I will prevail. Only fuel this heart with love, and in return advance with glowing curiosity, and eyes that show no vengeance, hatred or pity within the morphing aura of the soul bearer. Since the only constant in life is change, and life is just long enough to reach out your petals in achievement for having had the chance to kiss the sun... I know its never too late to stop dancing with of the impossible projections of the imprisonment I feel coming from the place I'm in. The weight is heavy, and ripples of the economy are making everyone more cautions, and guarded. But I believe that I have the power to be patient, and make every single day from here on in count towards freeing myself financially, so that the past can finally let go of me, and I can start to truly live.
Join me:
Tumblr Twitter
Much love!
Hi! I'm still here,
...in between the lines of the many worlds I currently occupy.
A lot has happened within the past few months.
I went from having no job, to having a job that teaches me so much every day I'm there.
I've gone from living with family to not having a pair of keys of my own, at all.
I traded in my facebook page for a twitter account... (I never thought I'd do that, but here we are.)
I've still got a love/hate relationship with fear. The fear to stand up for myself, whenever I feel threatened.
I know that ever day is a new chance to accept the fear for what it really is: Facing the fear. It's not an easy task, but I am slowly tackling this evasive road block.
I am more aware of myself, and my surroundings, a little every day.
I managed to traveled all the way out of the clusterfuck that is the city, into overwhelming silence, isolation, and tranquility... Had some of the greatest experiences of my life, and then back to the lovely concrete jungle. All within the matter of a week.
My eyes... I'm learning truly open up when I'm out side of my comfort zone... my security blanket... that which is my floating apathy.
I often wonder what's going to happen to me now. Am I going to rise to the challenge whenever opposing forces drawn in for the kill? How much strength do I really have in there? Am I all talk and no walk? And what the fuck am I doing? Everything is flashing through my eyes so fast that it is more and more impossible for me to believe that there ever was a thing as stop motion. And yet, I am able to see things in stop motion now...
This year, specifically, my life seems to have warped it into another time frame... I've never been surrounded with such rapid and life altering change, and the only thing I can say about it all; The good the bad, the embarrassing, the victorious... is that life is what you make of it. Mine is an absolute beauty!
I realize that my reality, and true reality are kind of out of sync. Subconsciously, I know what I want to do with my life, but it sure as hell doesn't seem like I do!.
And yet, I've decided that, as hard as it is, I need to buckle down in the city for a year or two, or three, and set a plan into place that will steer me in the right direction for the years to come. Who knows. Maybe I'll move back to Montreal for another few months between now and a few years forward. I might just stay here for that entire period, and devote a good chunk of time to developing a stronger foundation.
Because my plans in the future are to gear up, set sail and aim for my treasure in life:
Before even trying to reveal what that is to both you and I, I must set myself on course!
Life's about to get even crazier! Bring it on, I say!
On another note,
This guy's coming to town on December 6. I'm going to try and get tickets for his show. I've never bought concert tickets before, but its never too late to have a first. I am just really captivated by his style of music, and this song, in particular:
So, I MUST!
Until next time,
I love you!
xoxo
“I have realized that the past and future are real illusions, that they exist in the present, which is what there is and all there is.”
— Alan Watts
