it is the very personal journals that let you see inside someone. i'm not one to talk. very seldom do i ever post anything trully personal like you just did. i just have a hard time letting anyone in. Cancer fucking sucks!!! i have lost too many family members, friends, and in particular a very very very close friend from it, so i understand how you feel.

I don't know if you believe in an afterlife, and I'm not even 100% sure that I do, but if there is one, and its certainly more comforting to think so, I have no doubt that Nana's looking down on you proudly. I believe we keep them alive through our memories, so g'head and feel that she's still with you. It's a good thing.

oh man... I read it. I don't know if you remember but we used to be friends.

I got emo and and completely restarted my list.

but I read your whole thing. I was with you for a while, being emo, missing exes until it got to the cancer. I remember you writing about that before. It sucks. sucks more than anything thats happened to me before.

I'm sorry

I read it because you are my friend and I cried because you are my friend and I bet she would be so proud of you.

I don’t see this as a porn sit, I see it as more then that, it’s a friends page that just happens to have some naked girls on it, I think this is as good a place as any to let your feelings show and a good place to vent, it’s what helps you on the inside and helps to make people become close to you.

Take care and try to have a good day.

I know this sounds corny and cliche, but I have found it sometimes helps for me.. They aren't really gone as long as you take hold of your fond memories of them. That way you can visit with them whenever you like and share the laughs.

Cancer is definately not my friend either. It took my mom almost 11 years ago now.

And any idiot that thinks of SG as simply a porn site should give their head a shake.. This community is a heck of a lot of things, but a porn site is not one of them.

Keep your chin up, and know that a lot of us here you and hope your happy memories of her help.

I can relate to what you were saying. Last Wednesday I lost my grandmother, a woman who was not perfect, but who I love with all of my heart and, who helped raise me to a form of fast growing brain cancer. Sparing the gory details, she may have clinically died on Wednesday, but she actually died last July when the cancer was exposed by a brain aneurism, and was just trapped inside her body until god was ready to call her home. I thought that watching her body and spirit deteriorate was the hardest thing in the world that I would ever have to do, but she proved me wrong like so many times before. I was asked to be a pallbearer at her funeral. Through the whole thing I was able to maintain myself and be strong for the family, but the second that I crossed through the doorway of the church with the rail of the casket in my right arm it hit me like a wall. That is the darkest I have ever felt in my entire life. Not being on speaking terms so to speak with the church during the service I was left to ponder certain things. We have the technology to create the X-Box 360, the Eggwave, or any modern computer, the medical ability to make boobs or penises bigger or suck the fat out of someone’s ass, and the money to invade a foreign country, oust the current government to put in place a dummy government that we can control, and get our young men and women killed for a cause most don’t understand to the toon of 1 trillion dollars, but we cannot cure the most devastating killer our planet has ever seen? Sure Saddam Hussein has killed a lot of people, but that cannot be 1/10 of the people cancer has killed. I rant due to my grief I am just finding it hard to believe in much in this world anymore.

your entry made me cry

I can't wait to see you Saturday!

Baby, I love you.
I'll be home as soon as I can and I will give you the loves and do everything in my power to make things better.
You mean the world to me.

Hugs for you lucy - best I can do from here I think but let me know if there IS anything else

as for the "porn site" thing - fuck'm if they can't take reality....

I'm sorry kitten. I know how much she meant to you.

I'm sorry for your loss.

*hugs*

Impermanence is a difficult thing to deal with.. interestingly enough Buddhists celebrate impermanence as one of life's only constants.. their relationship to it is very interesting.

Yeah.. that photo I posted is the original Lemonkid profile picture.

Although our sunglasses are more similiar in this picture of me licking a hot guys' face at the 2004 Prom.





[Edited on Jan 11, 2006 10:58AM]