When I was fifteen, I lived in a foster group home and spent most of my time with bad souls, bad seeds, and real evil people. One of them was this butch dyke named Lynsay who was five years older and in love with danger and was the first vampire to ever put a needle to my arm, fuck the foreplay, she jabbed it in my vein and life just became a strange dream when she fucked me with her girlfriends strap on. We had this acid trip like affair for almost a year behind her girlfriends naïve back as I became more and more addicted to poison and she knew all the scumbags who sold it, refusing to give me their numbers because she wanted to maintain a certain level of power over me. Its like what all these Russian pimps do to their prostitutes in my neighborhood, same psychology. I remember she left for Portland when I was 16 and I was so sick that I wished I had a gun just to stop the pain and then she called, offering a train ticket and so many demons. This was my first time kicking and I didn't realize that by the time I got to Portland, I wouldn't be sick anymore so when I got there I told Lynsay that I didn't want to self destruct anymore and that if she was going to, I’d just go squat with my friend Malakai who was in Portland anyways. She said that she was stopping as well but that she was weaning herself off slowly and had to stop under the Burnside Bridge real quick. The bridge was full of street kids, Mexican dealers, and crackwhores. It was like a Junkies paradise, Later I ended up living under that bridge and those same crackwhores became my only mothers. I watched her cop her shit and walk into the bathroom stall, then stumble back out in a daze and if there was a soundtrack It would have been something loud and disenchanted. All of the sudden Lynsay fell over her knees, face first and her arms swung by her sides motionless. I started pinching the skin of her arms and then quickly realized that while I kept pinching, her skin kept losing color. I pushed her upward softly and she flew up. Her whole face was blue and her eyes were frozen open like some iced corpse. I looked down and saw a puddle of urine beneath her. I screamed. I yelled for someone to call 911 and this one crackwhore came up to check her pulse. " She's gone, baby girl" was all she said and went back to working the corner. A big Mexican dope dealer with a mouth full of black tar came up with a huge group of junkies, thieves, and killers behind him. "You heard her, She's gone, and you aren't calling no 911 and disrupting my business, Okay? This is the bridge,” he said like it was the South Bronx or Compton or something and that I should recognize and respect "This is the bridge, Bitch". I got up slowly and walked the other way, one of his sidekicks reached for a knife. Maybe I would have been scared if I wasn't so freaked out about my vampire lover sleeping with no breath left but i'd had worse weapons pointed my way and wasn't about to let some punk ass junkie warrior control any of my actions. I just ran, praying to god, hoping that she would hear me over all the other lost voices. I ran until I saw someone, something, a phone. An outreach van pulled up next to me. "Hi there, Do you need some clean syringes? condoms?" a voice asked me. "No" I said in shock "My friend. My fucking friend is Dead, She overdosed over there." I pointed. The Mexican drug dealer glared at me and motioned for his gang to leave and then looked back at me and ran his fingers across his throat, Threatening my fate and in the midst of all this chaos krs1's "The bridge is over" kept running through my head.The outreach worker used his cell phone to call 911, Apparently he was on a first name basis with the Operators because this is the one sided conversation that I heard from him: "Yep," (giggle) "Oh hey Joe, (giggle) yeah, it's Russ, Yeah, I've got another one, Yeah, same place. Okay, see you soon."
I just kept thinking about how I was going to go tell Lynsays sister that she was dead. The ambulance must have been there in 30 seconds to two minutes and ran up to Lynsay with a huge shot of narcan and jabbed the needle in her heart. No reaction. Then her knees started jerking a little bit. They filled a second needle and pushed all the liquid into her lifeless body. She jumped back to life like the manic bitch that she was screaming psychotically for the ems workers to "GET THE FUCK AWAY " from her, after all she had just taken "TOO MUCH MEDICATION." that "IT WAS A FUCKING LEGAL PRESCRIPTION ASSHOLE" and that she had just accidentally forgot to read the label. I watched her in disgust screaming at the same people who had just saved her worthless life. After you see someone die or come dangerously close to it, You realize how little control you have, I never could look at her the same, When she would kiss me my mind kept replaying the way her body looked, pathetic, blue and motionless on the day she overdosed and all the oxygen was cut off from her brain. The weeks past and she could sense my distance from her. I was living with her in her sister’s walk in closet and we were both doing crystal meth to avoid reality. I forget exactly what we were fighting about one day and why but the fight became violent and she used all of her weight to throw a lamp at me. Glass shattered all around me, it was almost symbolic, representing the little love that I had left for her shattering. I knew it was time to leave and it wasn't just because of her psychotic voice repeating "Get the fuck out." in the background with her bloated drunk belly and saggy pale tits flopping around in rage. I didn't know where I was going but I knew anywhere was better than here.
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I can't believe you, Now, After all these years, Realize what kind of character you are/were in this book that keeps writing itself and half assed apologize. In your little letter you forgot to thank me for saving your life, Cause that is definitely something that I regret some days.
Love, Lily
“No, I wasn’t surprised, Its just a karmic reaction.”

Have Ya'll seen Lotus 's Video? now i'm even more in love than i already was.