My roomate has a two year old.
I am in a constant state of not sleeping and working.
He screams at the top of his lungs constantly.
I am going crazy.

CRAZY

otherwise I have been doing a whole lot of nuthing, working and then working some more.

Lucky me.

The bills are never ending and I am still behind. Of course.

But, I'm not stressing. Because when I stress I get bitchy.

Sigh.

I have a zillion and one things on my mind but can't find the time to write about them...

Maybe later.

Yes, they caught the elusive LV on video...
In New Orleans...
Dancing on the bar...
At Coyote Ugly.



I am the life of EVERY party, lol.

I had a great time. Thanks to all the girls..
WitCassandraFatality

Thanks to everyone who came to hang out with us! Sorry I couldn't stay in the club longer...

Me + Rap Music = Ick.

I hate rap music. Also it was like 900 degrees in there and they wouldn't give me any fucking water. WTF?
So I went to the Dirvish and I danced like the dancing queen I am and then I had some yummy coffee at the cafe' du monde where we wore the powdered sugar all over our faces.

Then, me, Rusty Nails, and Lay it on me Pam went to some country bar and Pam rode the mechanical bull! LOL

Pictures to come soon.

New Orleans Here I come!!!

Tomorrow we are leaving.

My tattoo artist is coming with me and he's bringing his equipment. If anyone wants a bad-ass, fly tattoo:

Hit me up in my PM and I'll send you a number

Also, Look out New Orleans here I come!!!!!!!

And I'm bringing my camcorder.

xox

The amazinly funny awful story:

Get up.
Go to get hair dye.
Go to get car fixed (car is fixed). They quoted me the wrong price so after they did all the work they were like we did 600 dollars worth of work but because they quoted me 250 I got it fixed for 250
Go home to wait for car to be fixed and watch the worst movie ever. Waitress. Ew.
Picked up car
Dyed hair
Went to a friends house to try and work on some music for a few hours.
Came home and started moving my stuff downstairs so my girl PAM can have the room up there.

Did I mention I have a huge spiral staircase?
Right well, did I mention I have two huge 200 pound real wood bookcases?

Right well....

Did I mention that we couldn't get the fucking things down the staris so I got pissed off and took a hammer to one of them.
I was going to take it apart and then put it back together.

It did NOT happen like that

I hit the bookcase with the hammer and the head of the hammer flew off and tried to kill me.
So, in a fit of rage I got out the balltine hammer and I procceded to pound the shit out of the bookcase.
I also proceeded to pound the shit out of my finger in the process.

I busted up my knuckle on my right hand all kinds of good.

Um... suck.

So... in a fit of double rage I destroyed the bookcase with all my might and then we carried the splintered pieces down to the garbage while singing:

"Hi ho, hi ho... it's off to the dump we go....."

Besides the finger it was a good night.

Warning to everyone: You do not want to fuck with angry or frustrated Lillith.

It's scary.

I put my finger back in place and had some water.

Me= Hardcore

THE SG NEW ORLEANS party is SATURDAY the 12TH. I wrote it wrong earlier... so for anyone going, my bad.


rent-paid
water-paid
electric-paid
car-not completely fixed but partially
phone-unpaid
car payment- paid
insurance- figured out and paid

Who says I'm not industrious? I am thoroughly exhausted.

I haven't been to bed yet. I was playing my bass, getting my little fingers back to their normal nimble selves. I am trying to learn the Scream of the Butterfly by Acid Bath but it is freaking HARD. I'm working on it.

I need to save up money.
I find now that I am alone most of the time I get a lot more done. Unfortuantely, I am alone most of the time.
My dog pooed on my floor earlier and I thought I was going to kill her. Ewww.

For those of you who don't know

There is an SG party in New Orleans in the French Quarter at Coyote Ugly Saloon on Saturday the 12th.

Now you know.
I am hoping to be there provided I can come up with gas money.

I will be in New Orleans next weekend.
Who else is going to the SG party?

Please sir, The next time you fuck me in the ass could you at least use some lube?

I got a letter in the mail today that company I carry my insurance through isn't renewing me because they dropped the carrier; so now, instead of just maying my monthly payment I have to redo my deposit with another firm that carries my company.

The government is fucked up.
Could they not find a better time to fuck me in the ass? Like I don't already have enough shit going on?

If tomorrow you see the news and some crazy chick has claimed the bat tower (yes a real place) in Tampa and started offing people who look like politicians, lawyers, IRS, or insurance moguls..... send dirty letters to my cell to give me something to do.

Eeeee...ghats!

I half fixed my car today. There wasn't anything wrong with the suspension but all of my tires were messed up, one bent rim, and my alignment was shot. 400 dollars later and I can drive it... Well until the transmission finally gives it's last shudder that is.

I am still alone in my huge apartment looking for roommates. No such luck yet. I didn't realize how hard it would be to find one quiet, respectful dog loving person in the state of Florida. WTF gives? I hate this town.

On the bright side I can breath through my nose today, yeah! I'm gonna throw a "thank god no more snot" party.

Gross I know, but I couldn't help myself.

Take care.

It is 4:50 in the morning and I am eating dry cereal and surfing the internet. I've been sitting here in my huge apartment alone for hours, listening to life go by outside the door. It feel empty and hallow here. I think maybe I need a smaller place and some semblance of sanity. I'm still really sick, so going out and doing something is pretty much off the table right now and I wouldn't have the money to do it anyway, even if I could. That, and my car is still broken. I'm sure you've heard me rant enough about that so I won't go on and mope about it anymore in this blog.

I considered laying down and falling asleep on the couch with the television on, but I have no television and even if I did I don't have any cable, so there really would be no point to it. I am kind of down on myself right now, and I know that I shouldn't be but I just can't help it. I'm pretty good at fucking my life up, and lately it seems like I've been getting lots of help doing it. I also like to think I am a pretty strong person and pretty good and fixing what havoc I have wreaked, but maybe I'm running out of steam. I'm tired, exhausted really, and I can't come up with any good excuses for all the shit that I have to muck through anymore. I spend so much time telling myself to go forward, don't look back; and the way ahead is through shards of broken glass and volcanic eruptions of the soul. I'm not sure even someone as strong as I have been can withstand all of that forever. It just seems like no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get ahead, get a hold, on something real. Everyday my mind and my body are working, working, working. I'm striving to be alive and it's getting to be too much of a struggle.

I want to close my eyes and sleep forever, but I know even then my dreams would chase me down and torture me. What have I done so wrong in the world that I have to endure so much? I would say it isn't fair, but I'm not naive. I know there are people out there who have it worse than I do. I know that their struggle are life and death......

Perhaps my small mental death and defeats are nothing in comparison, but they are mine and they are HARD.

Why is the way always so HARD? Why can't it be easy just one time? I'm trudging through days searching for happy endings that will never be there, and as hot tears stain my cheeks I feel like I am full of self pity and I hate myself for it.

Sometimes the load is just too much to bear, so please God or whoever might be out there.... I'm begging. Please just lift a few bricks from my shoulders.

Please.

I still feel like I'm dying and Broc's stuff is almost all moved out.
I have the money for my rent now but my car is still imobile.
Also, I am in need of a couple of roomates. So, if you know anyone in who needs a place in the Tampa area have them look me up. They have to have no kids, no pets, and they have to be clean and pay their bills on time. Quiet is a plus too since I tend to sleep the daylight hours.
Oh, and must love dogs, lol. I think that's a movie.
My big apartment seems empty now and I have no tv or anything so it's very very quiet.
Tomorrow I have a day off which means I get to sleep and try to recoup and maybe catch some food with friends or something, then iti's back to work on Tuesday.

Fun. Fun.