What people usually find difficult, I often find easy. I'm good at dealing with very complex problems. I enjoy things like math tests and philosophy. I have a strange obsession with rocks. I have strong intuitive skills. I am supposedly rather smart.

However, I'm very bad at simple, everyday things, like feeding myself, washing my hair, or going to the bank. On a normal day I can either work or take care of myself, but not both. On a bad day getting out of bed is too overwhelming and can bring me to tears. It's so laughably stupid and it's hard to explain why. Life is just really hard for me. Every little thing I do requires a large amount of energy, but is at least usually done extremely well! It's little consolation, however. Struggling through such easy things, or not bothering to do them at all, makes me feel like a failure.

Next, I prefer communication to be honest and direct. I don't like mind games or sugar-coated bullshit. I annoy people by saying "I don't know" a lot because I like to be sure of my answer before I state it as fact (most people seem to state things they think/assume as if they were things that they know, and I don't like this). I will tell you exactly what I think, with no hidden messages. I ask questions to gain information, not to imply things I don't have the balls to say. I don't say "no" when I really mean "yes". I try to speak simply and it's amazing how much trouble it causes! So few people seem to do this that my sincerity is often disbelieved. It is extremely difficult for me to predict such miscommunications, so I don't speak very much, and I try to avoid talking to many people.

Every day is a struggle to do what I'm supposed to. It is exhausting. It causes depression. It causes a large amount of anxiety. I need a lot of time away from others, and I can't handle very many normal human activities in one day or I break down mentally and physically.

Because of this, things have been very difficult my entire life, and I didn't know why. I thought I was just fucked up. I've spent most of my life working on improving myself, and have immensely, but I now know that I will always be very different. I have to accept it and do my best. I think that part of this is being open about it, which will hopefully encourage people to be less judgmental.

Many people will never like me, and I'm okay with that. The rare people who get me are amazing enough to make up for it. Once someone understands how I operate, friendship is stupidly easy and pure and wonderful. No drama, no games, no confusion. I'm very grateful for these compassionate people.

Perhaps this explains some things. Knowing why I'm "messed up" has helped me greatly. Perhaps it will help some of my friends, too. If you want more information, there's lots online. I recommend reading this amazing interview with Karl Lagerfeld as well.