PICS
Here I am, trying my best to stand on my feet and not to fall again.
I know, it's been just a week from my last, happy, post and I'm already here telling you how bad have been these last days to me.
Once I used to describe myself as moody, now I'm starting to think it must be something pathologic, I don't know.
Two days ago I had to take sick leave from work: the night before I couldn't sleep due to anxiety and headache as I spent hours crying.
I had a real strong fight with my parents about my job and the fact that they think I must accept any kind of contract they will offer me at the end of this training period, at least for a while, as they don't think there would be anything else around.
I understand their point of view - right now in Europe young people's unemployment is never been that high, up to 12% - but the thought of doing something that doesn't satisfy me and keeps me away from all other things I used to do with passion drives me insane.
I feel myself trapped into something I fear I would never be able to leave.
This state of anxiety pushed me into a quarrel with my boyfriend too, and I ended up completely messed up and making him feeling responsible for me being so blue.
I spent the whole following morning sleeping, which is a thing I do when I feel down. But then when I woke up around midday I started thinking a bit about the whole thing.
I always feel the need to keep everything under my control: I have to write down things or I fear I'll forget 'em, sometimes I even need to check everything twice as I can't trust myself (i.e.: having locked the door, etc.), I get paranoid on the most silly things... and thinking about the future scares the shit out of me, as I can't predict what will happen to me and to my plans. There are times when this happens less and times - now - when it happens more often.
I wish I was more in control of myself rather than feeling the need of controlling everything else.
On the other hand, I don't feel my boyfriend is behaving in a supportive way - but maybe it's me putting him through too much stress.
Today I'm seeing my therapist, I don't meet with her since the beginning of december and I guess we'll have so much to talk about. Hope it'll help.
On a less serious note, my work with Roberto Girardi seems to have impressed Europe a lot
I would like to thank wnaw who offered us the possibility of getting our unreleased serie Sunday Morning Girlfriend published on AnormalMag.
Lots of people must have visited that page, as today another blogger contacted the photographer and asked about the pictures seen on AnormalMag - and they actually republished 'em, not caring about the pics being showed before by someone else. You can see the other blog here, it's german-speaking.
However, due to publication limits the first webzine had to cut down the numer of pics - and the second blog just took what seen on the first one. So, if you are interested in the complete (and a bit more explicit:oink
set, you should check out Roberto's personal site.
So long. Gotta go.
Lauretta
♥ KEEP ON LOVIN' MY LATEST SET PLEASE ♥
I know, it's been just a week from my last, happy, post and I'm already here telling you how bad have been these last days to me.
Once I used to describe myself as moody, now I'm starting to think it must be something pathologic, I don't know.
Two days ago I had to take sick leave from work: the night before I couldn't sleep due to anxiety and headache as I spent hours crying.
I had a real strong fight with my parents about my job and the fact that they think I must accept any kind of contract they will offer me at the end of this training period, at least for a while, as they don't think there would be anything else around.
I understand their point of view - right now in Europe young people's unemployment is never been that high, up to 12% - but the thought of doing something that doesn't satisfy me and keeps me away from all other things I used to do with passion drives me insane.
I feel myself trapped into something I fear I would never be able to leave.
This state of anxiety pushed me into a quarrel with my boyfriend too, and I ended up completely messed up and making him feeling responsible for me being so blue.
I spent the whole following morning sleeping, which is a thing I do when I feel down. But then when I woke up around midday I started thinking a bit about the whole thing.
I always feel the need to keep everything under my control: I have to write down things or I fear I'll forget 'em, sometimes I even need to check everything twice as I can't trust myself (i.e.: having locked the door, etc.), I get paranoid on the most silly things... and thinking about the future scares the shit out of me, as I can't predict what will happen to me and to my plans. There are times when this happens less and times - now - when it happens more often.
I wish I was more in control of myself rather than feeling the need of controlling everything else.
On the other hand, I don't feel my boyfriend is behaving in a supportive way - but maybe it's me putting him through too much stress.
Today I'm seeing my therapist, I don't meet with her since the beginning of december and I guess we'll have so much to talk about. Hope it'll help.
On a less serious note, my work with Roberto Girardi seems to have impressed Europe a lot
I would like to thank wnaw who offered us the possibility of getting our unreleased serie Sunday Morning Girlfriend published on AnormalMag.
Lots of people must have visited that page, as today another blogger contacted the photographer and asked about the pictures seen on AnormalMag - and they actually republished 'em, not caring about the pics being showed before by someone else. You can see the other blog here, it's german-speaking.
However, due to publication limits the first webzine had to cut down the numer of pics - and the second blog just took what seen on the first one. So, if you are interested in the complete (and a bit more explicit:oink
set, you should check out Roberto's personal site.So long. Gotta go.
Lauretta
♥ KEEP ON LOVIN' MY LATEST SET PLEASE ♥
OH HAI SG LAND!
Finally I've recovered from NYE! Eaten too much, drunk too much, mixed too much drugs... and yes, had so much fun too, but it meant that the first day of the year has been spent sleeping an exaggerate amount of hours! EHEH! The weed and the opium we smoked made us fall in a sort of numbness, but all that methamphetamine didn't let us rest as we wanted to: me and my guy just kept waking up to make out and to fall asleep hugging each other. AHAH sweet ♥
I've heard lots of people speaking of "holidays"... uhm, what does it means? Sound is familiar but nothing comes to my mind...
Yeah, Christmas time sucks balls when you work in large scale retail trade: I've been off at home just at Christmas, December 26th and January 1st
However, from what I'm seeing, it looks like my job is getting a bit more interesting lately - or maybe it's just me trying to make the most out of it and getting involved with what I'm learning day by day. I don't know, let's see what will happen in these two months left (as my training formerly ends in March).
To get things worse, I've just discovered MY TITS GOT SMALLER
I'm still trying to understand how is this happening as I didn't lose weight, at least I didn't notice it! ARGH! I want to get fuller boobies without getting some boob job, too bad Santa keeps failing in satisfy me Christmas after Christmas >__<
From time to time, I get a bit blue about how my boobies look... I know, I know: time to get over those middle school dramas. I agree and usually I just need going home and having my mate putting his hands under my tee and saying how much he missed touching my "beautiful tits". But today he's busy at the recording studio and I have nobody here lying about how good they look, AH!
So I tried to boost my confidence with some selfie webcam pics...
Oh, and *FINALLY* L'Armoire has reached 1000 comments! SOOOO HAPPY! Keep the love going, I won't forget who you are my friends ♥
Bedtime for now.
I love you all!
♥ Lauretta
instagram @brokendollhatesyou
Twitter
Tumblr
Finally I've recovered from NYE! Eaten too much, drunk too much, mixed too much drugs... and yes, had so much fun too, but it meant that the first day of the year has been spent sleeping an exaggerate amount of hours! EHEH! The weed and the opium we smoked made us fall in a sort of numbness, but all that methamphetamine didn't let us rest as we wanted to: me and my guy just kept waking up to make out and to fall asleep hugging each other. AHAH sweet ♥
I've heard lots of people speaking of "holidays"... uhm, what does it means? Sound is familiar but nothing comes to my mind...
Yeah, Christmas time sucks balls when you work in large scale retail trade: I've been off at home just at Christmas, December 26th and January 1st
However, from what I'm seeing, it looks like my job is getting a bit more interesting lately - or maybe it's just me trying to make the most out of it and getting involved with what I'm learning day by day. I don't know, let's see what will happen in these two months left (as my training formerly ends in March).
To get things worse, I've just discovered MY TITS GOT SMALLER
I'm still trying to understand how is this happening as I didn't lose weight, at least I didn't notice it! ARGH! I want to get fuller boobies without getting some boob job, too bad Santa keeps failing in satisfy me Christmas after Christmas >__<
From time to time, I get a bit blue about how my boobies look... I know, I know: time to get over those middle school dramas. I agree and usually I just need going home and having my mate putting his hands under my tee and saying how much he missed touching my "beautiful tits". But today he's busy at the recording studio and I have nobody here lying about how good they look, AH!
So I tried to boost my confidence with some selfie webcam pics...
Oh, and *FINALLY* L'Armoire has reached 1000 comments! SOOOO HAPPY! Keep the love going, I won't forget who you are my friends ♥
Bedtime for now.
I love you all!
♥ Lauretta
instagram @brokendollhatesyou
Tumblr
Happy Sol Invictus, bitches!
Spent yesterday evening eating and drinking, going to do the same right now... as one does not simply say "no" to an Italian Christmas Lunch, eheheh
I'm gonna update soon if I'll survive all that food, I promise.
xoxo
Lauretta
Spent yesterday evening eating and drinking, going to do the same right now... as one does not simply say "no" to an Italian Christmas Lunch, eheheh
I'm gonna update soon if I'll survive all that food, I promise.
xoxo
Lauretta
Sneezing and coughing, I'm definitely sick!
No, I'm not trying a new way of smoking weed, I'm just doing my aerosol therapy for respiratory care (I hate it, so booooring >_<).
My temperature has lowered since yesterday, however I'm not going to work today nor I'll go tomorrow, I've got to stay at home, sleeping 'til late under the covers, drinking hot beverages and taking this as a chance to rest - I think this cold is a sign my body has sent to me to make me slow things down a bit. Take time for your health, Laura. More than willing, now... lesson learnt!
Just, too bad this seems to be the last week of Humanity and the whole World, and I have to stay at home doing nothing
No, don't ask - the answer is of course "no". What I believe is that saturday morning I'll have to wake up at the time you'll be drunk as fuck at your World End Parties, and go to work cursing like a sailor. That's what I believe.
But let's talk about more serious business, like the fact my set is still at 97% of love with less than 1000 comments.
What's not to love about this?
C'mon, GIVE IT A CHANCE ♥
Going on the front page once again would be a wonderful Christmas gift, to me!
On another SG note, last week I got retweeted by the official SuicideGirls twitter page and... guess what, tons of new followers there and on Instagram too! COOL!
In case you missed it, that's the picture I tagged as #thighhighthursday:
Seriously, it's amazing how many people could be reached by your contents these days, through the social media - it's something tricky, something that must be used wisely... but all in all, we could do great things with 'em.
OH and yes, Christmas is on its way.
We already decorated the place with a colorful Christmas tree and the classic huuuuge crèche - my mom likes to pretend she's tired of decorating the house but I'm pretty sure she's proud of the result and feels warmed at heart by it, eheh.
At my boyfriend place (my-soon-to-be-new-home-once-I'll-get-a-decent-emplyment-contract), I found this:
How sweet is this?! We were looking for a bedside lamp but couldn't find nothing cool and affordable at the same time, so this would be the solution for this month.
A bit late, I started to listen to Deftones latest album and... WOAH. Just WOAH.
They never disappoint.
...AND NOW TELL ME, WHAT ARE YOU ALL UP TO, PEOPLE?
With love,
your Lauretta
**Just in case somebody knows what I'm talking about: I'm looking for online magazines interested in freelance photos submission - I've plenty of amazing pictures I don't want just to share on Tumblr or Facebook... I'd like something more organic, something that could give the photographer and me some visibility. I don't want money, I'm looking for an interesting showcasing of what I consider good pictures. NSFW, of course!
Any suggestion?**
No, I'm not trying a new way of smoking weed, I'm just doing my aerosol therapy for respiratory care (I hate it, so booooring >_<).
My temperature has lowered since yesterday, however I'm not going to work today nor I'll go tomorrow, I've got to stay at home, sleeping 'til late under the covers, drinking hot beverages and taking this as a chance to rest - I think this cold is a sign my body has sent to me to make me slow things down a bit. Take time for your health, Laura. More than willing, now... lesson learnt!
Just, too bad this seems to be the last week of Humanity and the whole World, and I have to stay at home doing nothing
No, don't ask - the answer is of course "no". What I believe is that saturday morning I'll have to wake up at the time you'll be drunk as fuck at your World End Parties, and go to work cursing like a sailor. That's what I believe.
But let's talk about more serious business, like the fact my set is still at 97% of love with less than 1000 comments.
What's not to love about this?
C'mon, GIVE IT A CHANCE ♥
Going on the front page once again would be a wonderful Christmas gift, to me!
On another SG note, last week I got retweeted by the official SuicideGirls twitter page and... guess what, tons of new followers there and on Instagram too! COOL!
In case you missed it, that's the picture I tagged as #thighhighthursday:
Seriously, it's amazing how many people could be reached by your contents these days, through the social media - it's something tricky, something that must be used wisely... but all in all, we could do great things with 'em.
OH and yes, Christmas is on its way.
We already decorated the place with a colorful Christmas tree and the classic huuuuge crèche - my mom likes to pretend she's tired of decorating the house but I'm pretty sure she's proud of the result and feels warmed at heart by it, eheh.
At my boyfriend place (my-soon-to-be-new-home-once-I'll-get-a-decent-emplyment-contract), I found this:
How sweet is this?! We were looking for a bedside lamp but couldn't find nothing cool and affordable at the same time, so this would be the solution for this month.
A bit late, I started to listen to Deftones latest album and... WOAH. Just WOAH.
They never disappoint.
...AND NOW TELL ME, WHAT ARE YOU ALL UP TO, PEOPLE?
With love,
your Lauretta
**Just in case somebody knows what I'm talking about: I'm looking for online magazines interested in freelance photos submission - I've plenty of amazing pictures I don't want just to share on Tumblr or Facebook... I'd like something more organic, something that could give the photographer and me some visibility. I don't want money, I'm looking for an interesting showcasing of what I consider good pictures. NSFW, of course!
Any suggestion?**
Hi there, friends!
The weekend was cool enough to make this monday look even more pathetic - oh, the woe!
However.
[loooong and wordy report of the weekend, you know]
The weekend was cool enough to make this monday look even more pathetic - oh, the woe!
However.
[loooong and wordy report of the weekend, you know]
As they use to say, "the best is yet to come"...
Going back to the working routine is crushin'. The only thing that is keeping me alive at the moment is the fact I've been paid yesterday - giggity giggity, giggity goo! HAHA!
In the past days I've modeled here and there.
I had my make-up and hair done in an outstanding way, and then I got shot for a promo work of an hair-styling & make-up salon in my town. You'll see...
Other than that, photographers' personal project are always something I'm pleased to take part in.
For those who missed it, check out www.AliceUnderground.it and have fun! ♥
OH! AND DON'T FORGET L'ARMOIRE! My last set still needs all your love and support, I wish I could see it on the front page... ah, a girl can dream right?
Time to go, gotta start to think what I could cook for dinner.
Keep rockin', you people!
xoxo
Lauretta
December, here we come!
The beginning of a new month is always full of little expectations, or surprises maybe! Here's mine for you all: it's finally online the Fable Girls episode featuring me as Alice in Wonderland.
It's based on the first Lewis Carroll's manuscript so it's called Alice Underground: www.AliceUndergound.it, click and enjoy your trip, my friends!
I'm so proud of being a part of this amazing project, who has had Riae and Ultima featured before me, and the ones that need to be thanked are you all that took the time to vote me. So, thank you ♥
On another note, weather has changed and my ass is freezing, from my window I can see the mountains white with the snow. And this means just one thing... SNOWBOARDINGGGGGG! Yeah, I can't wait for a weekend of free ride with my love and my friends.
Who's up?
Don't forget to share some love on my last set L'Armoire, which is still in MR and needs a little pushin'... okay? ^__^
xoxo
your Lauretta
The beginning of a new month is always full of little expectations, or surprises maybe! Here's mine for you all: it's finally online the Fable Girls episode featuring me as Alice in Wonderland.
It's based on the first Lewis Carroll's manuscript so it's called Alice Underground: www.AliceUndergound.it, click and enjoy your trip, my friends!
I'm so proud of being a part of this amazing project, who has had Riae and Ultima featured before me, and the ones that need to be thanked are you all that took the time to vote me. So, thank you ♥
On another note, weather has changed and my ass is freezing, from my window I can see the mountains white with the snow. And this means just one thing... SNOWBOARDINGGGGGG! Yeah, I can't wait for a weekend of free ride with my love and my friends.
Who's up?
Don't forget to share some love on my last set L'Armoire, which is still in MR and needs a little pushin'... okay? ^__^
xoxo
your Lauretta
I salute you, fellows Suiciders! [PICS INDISE, I PROMISE!]
Few days ago I started to wrote a new post on here, but I eventually felt not inspired enough and didn't post it - though I saved it on my laptop, as I like to keep for a while everything I write.
That's what I wrote:
"Today is a bad day.
One of those when I think I can't take this job anymore and fuck, I wish I don't have the balls to keep everything going as I'm doing through these months.
But I'm sure I wouldn't look at myself in the mirror with the same look, if I give my resignation. And other than that, who will be that stupid to leave a long-term job for nothing else? Not the broke me.
Maybe it's due to the fact I'm feeling down, but I can't appreciate the opportunity of making a career in a not so far future if it means not having a life.
Because this is how I feel, like I don't have a life anymore.
I used to spend the whole week at my boyfriend's place, I used to go out every night and see all my friends whenever I wanted to.
Now, I wake up every morning at 5.20 a.m.
I manage to dine with my love one evening each week, and visit him at his place on saturdays and sundays. It seems ages since the last time I had a real-life chat with my best friends - as internet doesn't count.
Obviously, going out at night is impossible and I don't see anyone anymore.
I feel incredibly lonely, and I don't know why but people around me don't seem to notice - or to care enough.
My parents keep on saying how much I've been lucky and such. How don't they see?"
Luckily, today I feel way better - but similar thoughts get across my mind more often than what it could seems. It's damn tough but I'm still here to try to show 'em I can be tougher.
Honestly, I'm not sure why I'm forcing myself into this, as I'm not even sure I want that job I'm training for, which will have a better schedule, an high salary and huge possibilities of making a long lasting career out of it. Why? Simply because I still can't see myself trapped in a one-way situation.
My passion for modeling and acting, my dreams of becoming a writer, keeping on my journalism and new media studies, being involved in the media's world - all of this left behind?
It's scares the hell out of me, right now. I don't want to become one of those uninspired people out there!
My mom says I always look at things in such a negative way, and that nobody has ever had to completely give up all their hobbies and passions once starting to work - I'll just need to find time for everything through a strict organization.
Fact is, I'll need money in my pockets anyway, and if I don't find a way to get 'em on a regular base from the kind of jobs I like, I'll have to stick to the kind of jobs I'll find - no matter if I'll like 'em or not.
However, I still manage to think pink and smile as much as I can, focusing on the most positive facts... don't I look good in my uniform?
♥ Again, I want to thank you for all the love you're showing to my last set L'Armoire... please, don't stop! My aim is reaching 1000 comments before december 6th (it'll be a month since the set hit MR) - do you think we can make it? I think we can ♥
I hope to be able to show you new modeling stuff soon: last week I've modeled for a promo project for a very cool hairstyling & make-up saloon in my town, it was a bodypainting shooting... so much fun, and such an incredible result! I can't wait to let you all know 'bout it.
So tired now, time for an hot bath... wanna come in?
xoxo
your Lauretta
STALK ME!
twitter
tumblr
instagram ---> @brokendollhatesyou
Few days ago I started to wrote a new post on here, but I eventually felt not inspired enough and didn't post it - though I saved it on my laptop, as I like to keep for a while everything I write.
That's what I wrote:
"Today is a bad day.
One of those when I think I can't take this job anymore and fuck, I wish I don't have the balls to keep everything going as I'm doing through these months.
But I'm sure I wouldn't look at myself in the mirror with the same look, if I give my resignation. And other than that, who will be that stupid to leave a long-term job for nothing else? Not the broke me.
Maybe it's due to the fact I'm feeling down, but I can't appreciate the opportunity of making a career in a not so far future if it means not having a life.
Because this is how I feel, like I don't have a life anymore.
I used to spend the whole week at my boyfriend's place, I used to go out every night and see all my friends whenever I wanted to.
Now, I wake up every morning at 5.20 a.m.
I manage to dine with my love one evening each week, and visit him at his place on saturdays and sundays. It seems ages since the last time I had a real-life chat with my best friends - as internet doesn't count.
Obviously, going out at night is impossible and I don't see anyone anymore.
I feel incredibly lonely, and I don't know why but people around me don't seem to notice - or to care enough.
My parents keep on saying how much I've been lucky and such. How don't they see?"
Luckily, today I feel way better - but similar thoughts get across my mind more often than what it could seems. It's damn tough but I'm still here to try to show 'em I can be tougher.
Honestly, I'm not sure why I'm forcing myself into this, as I'm not even sure I want that job I'm training for, which will have a better schedule, an high salary and huge possibilities of making a long lasting career out of it. Why? Simply because I still can't see myself trapped in a one-way situation.
My passion for modeling and acting, my dreams of becoming a writer, keeping on my journalism and new media studies, being involved in the media's world - all of this left behind?
It's scares the hell out of me, right now. I don't want to become one of those uninspired people out there!
My mom says I always look at things in such a negative way, and that nobody has ever had to completely give up all their hobbies and passions once starting to work - I'll just need to find time for everything through a strict organization.
Fact is, I'll need money in my pockets anyway, and if I don't find a way to get 'em on a regular base from the kind of jobs I like, I'll have to stick to the kind of jobs I'll find - no matter if I'll like 'em or not.
However, I still manage to think pink and smile as much as I can, focusing on the most positive facts... don't I look good in my uniform?
♥ Again, I want to thank you for all the love you're showing to my last set L'Armoire... please, don't stop! My aim is reaching 1000 comments before december 6th (it'll be a month since the set hit MR) - do you think we can make it? I think we can ♥
I hope to be able to show you new modeling stuff soon: last week I've modeled for a promo project for a very cool hairstyling & make-up saloon in my town, it was a bodypainting shooting... so much fun, and such an incredible result! I can't wait to let you all know 'bout it.
So tired now, time for an hot bath... wanna come in?
xoxo
your Lauretta
STALK ME!
tumblr
instagram ---> @brokendollhatesyou
