HOW HAS SUICIDEGIRLS CHANGED MY LIFE:

So I am a small town girl. I grew up on a farm. Went to an incredibly small town school where only 72 kids graduated in my class. I was a straight 'A' student and took advanced placement classes meaning my GPA when I graduated was higher then the 4.0 scale. I was in the popular clique, as we all know those stupid cliques that have to be prevalently known in high school. That are always so stupid and hurtful. But they are there. I was artistic and athletic. I could have went to college on a scholarship to be a pitcher for softball. But as happy as all that seems and as perfect as a lot of you may think that was. I was always searching for more. I have always had this little person inside me trying to get out and show the world who I am. I have always had a vivid rainbow of colors trying to be released. I needed more then a small town where everyone knew everyone. It was hard growing up for me. I struggled a lot with my image. Anyone will tell you I was a good looking kid. But for some reason high school had a way of getting to me. I never felt I belonged. I was anorexic for most of my high school years and it was a huge struggle to see myself as this beautiful person everyone else saw.

I have never been the person to brag. I have never really been a confident person. In fact I would describe myself as the shy awkward girl who never knows how to start a conversation. I grew up. Went to college. And got married the day I graduated college. And looking back on it now. I wonder if I only got married because it was the right thing to do. That is what you do after college. You get a job... get married... and have kids right? Well needless to say I still struggled to feel I belonged where I was. I felt I was being held back and I felt no one really understood me. I wasn't happy having a random job where I could not be creative showing the world what I was capable of. I wasn't happy having to have muted regular hair colors because god forbid if you had purple hair everyone would look at you like what the fuck did she do to her hair. Long story short. That marriage did not last very long. I got divorced and learned the hard way when you don't look out for yourself....it is really hard to figure out how to live on your own with nothing. So that is what I have been doing the past 2 years of my life. Figuring out the real me.

That is where Suicidegirls comes into play. I was watching TV and said to myself OMG those girls look a lot like the girl I know I am and who I love to be. The colorful girl who doesn't care what others think of her. The one who can wear her ink proudly and say fuck you if you don't like it. This is me. This is who I am. This is what I am all about. So I searched the site and saw girls like Rigel, AnnaLee, Moxi, Radeo, Bully, Sash,Evette, Zoli, and Rambo and instantly was wowed. I said to myself. This is something you have to try. And boy was that a stretch. I mean we are talking about the girl who was always a goody goody so people thought highly of her. The girl who didn't even know what modeling was. Anyways.... I found a photographer and submitted my first set thinking...well here goes nothing.

And HERE I AM! I have been on this site for almost 3 years now. And I have never felt better about who I am as a person. I fit in so well here. I love getting to show members my creativity and my loudness and my colorfulness and who I really am. And the best part is....even though I know there will be a few who don't like it.....there will be 500 more who do. It is so great to finally know I am good at something. It is great to finally see the real person I knew I was. The confident girl who is happy with the person she is. Purple shaved head, body covered in ink...and all. I have found a community of some really amazing people. In fact I think I have more real friends off this site then the ones I have made in real life not because of the site. I have had the opportunity to work with some very talented artists and photographers. I have so many things in common with people here. And that is one reason I have always been supportive since day one. Because I am sure a lot of these girls who are on here....share similarities or have a similar story and understand the struggles. So I support and I lend a ear and I answer questions hopefuls have and I know I am appreciated on this site for the real me. Not the person people want me to be.

I can only thank Missy for coming up with such a neat idea and giving so many girls and members a place to fit in. A place to call their second home. I know when I am down I can come here and so many will pick me up. And I know when I am happy I can share it with you all and you all will be happy to share it with me. So thank for you allowing me to be me! The real me. The me I have been searching for all along.

So if you didn't understand why I take all my sets incredibly seriously and why I really work my booty off to better myself as a model from set to set. Now maybe you do! I go against a lot of people in my life and relationships to be on this site. Not because I want to hurt them but because I can not help but to feel this is where I belong.



In other news: IT IS SPRING OUT. AND I LOVE SPRING. WARM AIR. FLOWERS ARE BLOOMING AND THE SUN IS SHINING. So I went out today and took some photos while enjoying the nice weather. And yes in case you didn't already know.....my dog Bella is my favorite model!












And I finally got my edited images back from Carlson Benjamin Designs. I work with him a lot and it is always fun!