I'm off to the beach for Mneylu's b-day celebration...it'll be my third time this week next to a body of water...I'm so fucking white right now, the weather here has been terrible....no one would guess I'm part indian but I'm determined to change that today with or without thundershowers!

Kisses!

As many of you already know, my boi and I have not been getting along as well as I would have hoped. I finally initiate a "talk" (you know the one) which ended in us deciding to take an extended break from living together. I am currently packing up all of my stuff to move in with my ex gf/best friend....it feels really strange. I am really fucked up about it all...I'm trying my best to keep things together....I don't want to move out but I know that things aren't going to get any better while living under the same roof....we are trying to be proactive about it and get some space before we can't stand each other or ourselves for allowing our relationship to slowly end.

The worst part is that I was really starting to feel better (sadness-wise) when my boi went all emo....it's all fucked up....I'm trying to be strong and be there for him as he has in the past for me but my heart is so heavy at the prospect of not coming home to him at night. I really don't know what to do with myself....I alternate between packing really slow so that I can stay a little longer and packing really fast so that I can just get to Holly's place and cry where no one will see me.

I can already tell this is not going to be an easy transition.

I am at work....I haven't had a good night's sleep in forever....I am a zombie....what sound do zombies make (i.e. how the hell do you spell it)? Anyone?

I'm still an Emo Keegan, but my ex-gf has arranged for myself to undergo a reiki (spelling?) session in 2 days time...she was very cute in broaching the subject...she thinks it'll help with my emotional chaos.

I feel really lonely these days even when surrounded by those I care abuot which can never be good and my head shrink is going on sabbatical and will not return my calls long enough to refer me to someone else. BOO!

I hope my next entre will be filled with pixie dust and cool slushies, I need some cheering up goddamnit, send me something funny...the more random the better.

Hope things are better for you folks,

Kisses

I'm an Emo Keegan.

I'm going away yet again this weekend, I probably shouldn't unpack anymore...I already never make the bed (unless someone is coming over)!

I'm back on my cleanse and it is going pretty well, as a nice side effect I've lost some of the weight I put on over the winter months...damn layers!

The sun was out for the last three days which has put me in a nice little mood, the only thing bugging me right now is my hip which keeps giving out from dancing....I need to stretch more.

I also found myself a delectable new maggot to abuse over the weekend which is fantastic because I just recently terminated my relationship with the last.....oh how I love to dress them up!

I'm off to the gym for some cardio....I haven't ben in days and I'm told my trainer misses me.....funny how much more dedicated you are when you get nakked on a regular basis!

Hope all is well with everyone!

Kisses

Toe Jam!

Everyone can forget about my last optimistic blog as I am very, very sad today. My boi and I can't seem to get along ever since he came back from his last trip....we have fought every day about something or other and we hardly ever fight....I'm am tired of talking and I love to talk....it appears as though we are having the same discussion without getting anywhere.

Today we fought about my health...I know he means well but he is always harping on me about the million of things I need to do to get better. The list is long (see massage therapist/chiropractor/doctor/naturopath/head shrink/personal trainer on a regular basis, don't forget to do cardio 5 days a week/40 minutes per day, not to mention weekly yoga classes, and try to maintain this stupid cleanse that doesn't allow me to eat anything any regular person considers delicious) so sometimes I'm good and sometime I fall off the wagon, having someone remind me that I'm not disciplined is just to much to handle....I'm trying the best I can....he makes me feel like I'm a terrible person for not trying harder.

I told him I was done talking b/c I've cried more than I'd like to admit in the last few days, so he left. I'm not sure where he went but now I find myself staring out of the window waiting for him to come back.

So, so depressed....why does love have to be so hard on my heart?

So much is new my friends -- I have been tucked away comfortably for way too long and it feels fantastic to shake my zombie ways.

I am very optimistic for the future....which is a feeling that had escaped me for the last few years. I feel a quiet mania coming on if that makes any sense at all....I think I'm gonna rope my rommie into reading my fortune tonight.

I'll let you know what she says.....

Lots of love XO

Lenny Kravitz is one sexy bitch....I think I'll make him my second husband!