i can't wait to go travelling again. All I fucking think about is getting the fuck out of here. i've got to save up some money this time, though. i can't travel around homeless & broke anymore.. that shit just about killed me. somehow its the best thing in the world when you're 18, but after a few years it occurs to you that you're only being entirely selfish, living off other peoples' kindnesses and never giving anything back to the world, which you feel entirely fine about and even priveledged to do because the rest of the world sucks, right? so fuck them? yeah. i'm tired of that lifestyle. and when you realize what a bullshit philosophy it is to live like that, you realize that everyone you were hanging around with were all selfish assholes too that would probably sell you out for a hot piece of ass or shot of dope even though they might be the closest thing to a best friend you have in your life.. anyway, fuck all the "12-step" bullshit and all that, but i have been trying to make as many amends for that period of my life as i can. including apologizing to all the people who i blatently used or took advantage of. which, unfortunately, includes several of you out there in SG Land. So, I guess this is a really round-a-bout apology to you guys. you know who you are.

but, yeah. travelling again. well.. one day, i hope. i know i can't do anything for a while right now. having the willpower not to just give up and run away again is the hardest thing i've ever had to do. which is why i have to do it. hopefully at the end, i'll be a better person.

welcome to new york.

i've spent so much of my life talking smack about how bad jail is in new orleans, and preaching the gospel of "its impossible to get arrested in new york!", that of course, i end up in jail here within my first couple days back.

i was actually trying to catch a ride to baltimore. but the idiots i was riding with told me they had to meet me in manhattan.. which meant i had to haul all of my shit, and of course my pug, from brooklyn through the Q line into union square.

no one ever warned me they had built a mini police station inside the union square subway station..

so, yeah, anyway, i got stopped for having a pug in the subway. detained for having 14 outstanding warrants from when i lived here 8 years ago (isn't the statute of limitations for rape only 7 years??), and finally charged with a class-A felony weapons possession charge for having a snap-baton in my purse, left over from those oh-so-fun-and-violent post-katrina days in new orleans..

point being, i guess i'm gonna be in NY for a little while now. sorry, french quarter. i miss you too.


[INTERESTING FOOTNOTE: when Llama went upstairs in Union Square to meet our ride to baltimore, and told them i had gotten arrested because of bringing a pug in the subway, they replied, "why didn't you just have us pick you up in Brooklyn??" Scumbags.]

You are a sociopathic fraud who, while people DO gaze at the real you, does not write one word on this site, answer any questions, or actually have interest one in any of this. Your husband, being far more articulate and interesting, writes all of that shit for you. ALL of it. So there you go. Truth be told, you are a heartless, thoughtless liar without remorse....No one wants to hear your true voice.
We give and you will takeandtakeandtake and smile while you cut hearts out. You love no one but many love you...minus one, who should have said sayonara years ago when the stealing and lies began..I turned my eyes from it all, because my beloved could never do such things to ME. I loved you too much, and it made me stupid.
You cut my mother's silver spoon. You have no soul. That simple act finally proved it. Then the raving and ranting designed to hurt me...how could you? Because.....
You are exactly what everyone said you are...the ones I fought and told didn't know you...how stupid I can be! They knew more than I did. Never speak badly about these people, who aren't very good humans. At least they are better than you. You are not fit to shine their stolen shoes.
I do not want to ever hear your voice or see your face again. I have no more love to give to you. You, my "precious gem", whether you care or not, are forgiven by me.
I will pretend you have died. It will be easier that way, than to have to accept the fact that you did such vile things to someone who loves you so much, and is lying to people about the REAL story. No one believes you, of course. Please stop. You are making a fool of yourself. Not even the biggest moron in NOLA thinks I would steal a dime from you.
You see, they have had to bear listening to my stupidity, ad nauseam, about what a beautiful, loving friend you really were to me..Plus, you are a known thief.
You make me sick.

STOP REQUESTING MY FRIENDSHIP if you've never once even attempted to talk to me!! For the love of god, what the hell is wrong with you people???

And while I'm at it, get off this fucking "Too Cool For TV" bandwagon! I know its all-so-trendy to hate your television nowadays, but everyone's got some fucking TV shows they like; I've never heard of a show called "TV sucks your soul!", and if I see something to that effect under your "Favorite TV Shows", I'm gonna be all the more convinced that you religiously tune in to "As The World Turns" every afternoon.

just got outta jail again.. now all the sudden its too cold to squat anymore.. life is so good to me

I finally got junkllama out of jail, after a very long and painful week of trying. The cops busted him in our squat one morning while i was walking Squee. I guess we're not very good at this whole 'homeless' thing. Here's what he had to say about the experience:

"Jail was unbelievable this time around.. i'm fairly certain they're breaking quite a few federal laws and guidelines regarding the treatment of inmates. I spent the 36 hours before they brought me to court in a dark, damp, unventillated concrete room with 150 other people packed shoulder-to-shoulder and a single toilet that was overflowing over about a quarter of our floorspace. It was so cold that the few rare occasions I had enough room to attempt to lay down, lying on the floor was like lying on a sheet of ice and far too painful to sustain very long. We only got fed twice during this whole time, 2 frozen bologna sandwhiches (just 2 slices of white bread with a slice of bologna inbetween) that were still crunchy from the ice crystals. There were 2 schizophrenics whose delusional ramblings grew progressively worse and worse, and a pretty bad seizure resulting in a cracked skull and lots of blood, because they refused to let anyone out to see the nurse and get medications they desperately needed. The monotity was broken every couple of hours by another brutal fight, which the guards were more than happy to watch enthusiastically but otherwise not intervine. Of all of the times I've been to jail before, I've never experienced anywhere CLOSE to that level of misery, or seen human beings treated more like neglected animals. Oh, and they took my glasses from me during booking because one side was being held together by a safety pin, and never gave them back when I was released.. so I've been walking around blind as a bat since I got out"

good times

shout. out. "OUT!!!!"
it didn't work.
i've been awake for 30 hours. watching that preview for that new movie "CRANK" led me to believe it would be fun. or at the very least, something exciting would happen or i'd get laid.
well, i guess the "laid" part may have happened...... was that today (yesterday) or yesterday (sunday)? and what the fuck am i talking about?

Well... I didn't make it.. wasn't able to raise the money to pay my court fine in time, so I'm officially a Fugitive On The Run now!! This means that next time I'm stopped by the cops and have my name run, I'll get to go spend the next 30 days in jail.. Quite a change from the little girl who a couple weeks ago had never even been arrested before!!

I'm waiting to see which one of you bitches turns me in to the police first.. place bets now!

just got out of jail. first arrest ever. battery, disturbing the peace, resisting arrest.. more details later. fucking hell. there went all my "escape from new orleans" fund, for bail, AND i have a week to somehow come up with $500 to pay them or i get to spend the next 30 days in jail!! Fun!!! (my bank account had -$15 btw)

yeah, i'll write more on this when i'm feeling up to it. I have a pretty bad concussion after having my head slammed into the pavement repeatedly. which is why *I* got charged with Battery, btw. go figure.

People often wonder (by "often wonder", what i mean is that it's come up before in conversation, at least once) what it is I despise soo much about Forest Gump. Naturally they assume its probably the ridiculously melodramatic, over-acted, unrealistic (that's the whole reason i watch movies! If I wanted realism, I'd sit on my front stoop all day!), inspiring-to-the-lowest-common-denominator attitude of the movie. Or, more likely, the fact that while translating the book to film, they inexplicably left out the fact that Forest was a savant, a math-genius code-breaker extrordinaire, and left us with nothing but a completely useless and UNinspiring idiot-with-a-heart-of-gold.. i mean, wtf is that all about?!?

but NO.

the truth behind my hate is simply this: in the last 10 years or so, I have NEVER ONCE seen ANYBODY take off running randomly, for whatever reason great or small, without some idiot yelling out "RUN, FOREST! RUN!!!" thinking that they're oh-so original and clever. Last night I had to run home 6 blocks, and 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE yelled it out at me!!!!

fucking hell, people!

that is all.