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I want to recap the events of the last year with you because I feel like 2009 was a great one for me. I also want to share with you what is going on in my life right now before I do that. Its going to be a big update so bear with me.
I feel gross. I hardly recognize who I have become and I am ashamed of my recent behavior. I need to stop but I just dont know how. As happy as I have been the past few months I have also been ignoring my sadness, anger and stress. Instead of dealing with it I have taken to binge drinking (not to mention tons of other bad behavior). I hit a bottom I am not proud of the other night. Maybe it isn't that low to some but I am feeling embarrassed and ashamed. I got blackout drunk (again) Saturday night with my coworkers. I'm not sure what happened, what was said or how I got home. I'm pretty sure I made out with a coworker and spilled the beans on stripping, the sugar daddy and a number of other things I should keep to myself. No one at work has really talked about it and part of me is thankful for it.
Its obvious I need to change my behavior, Im just at a loss as to how. I know the easy answer is to just stop drinking but that is how everyone I know socializes and I feel like its deeper than that.... In any case it is a funny story to tell later (or now
). Im just beginning to worry because its becoming an all the time thing.
Ok so that's now. But I want to think about the positive things that this year has held for me! It was an amazing year and if you had asked me last December where I would be today I would have never guessed this!
+January: Funny how I started and will end 2009 in the same place with so much in between! I spent New Years Eve in DC at a friends party and then just after midnight I drove up to NYC. I had great times ice skating, baking, wandering the city and hanging out with good people. I made a short four day trip home to PDX and then took off for Europe!
The last 10 days of January were spent in London.
+February: What an amazing month in Paris! I met wonderful people, cut off a chunk of my finger and fell in love with a city. I lived with three wonderful boys and made one of my best friends there. Paris holds a little piece of my heart now....
February was also the month that my second set went live! I remember being so excited I could explode in the internet cafe when I saw!
+March was a great month as well. I spent it in Spain and while I did not really enjoy San Sebastian or Madrid, Barcelona was fantastic. I made lovely friends there, met Ilsa and DiazArri and spent long days cooking or wandering the city.
I met up with a friend in Valencia for Falles too. That was well worth the effort but probably not something I would do again.
+April: It was late March that I left for Morocco but most of my time there was in April. As miserable as I was during a lot of that trip, looking back, it was completely worth it. Its where I fell in love with Islam and the call to prayer. Morocco is one of the most beautiful countries I have ever experienced. Not just aesthetically but everything about it was beautiful. People were hospitable, kind, friendly, curious. The food was to die for, the weather even better..... Id like to do a cycling trip across the country some day.
The second half of April was difficult for me. I went back to Barcelona only to leave one short week later for Paris. Again, I was only in Paris for a very short time before it was again time to move on.
I am no good at goodbyes. I never have been and I don't think I ever will be.
+May: Oh what a great month! May is always nice. My birthday comes, it starts to warm up, the first hints of summer come shining through! I spent last May in Prague. I got to see Envy play and I was given the keys to a flat after knowing the guy who lived there for two days! While I was there I lived with a lively German woman and a Slovakian straightedge man. He was a little scary sometimes but I love him.
This was also the month that I met Denie, Coccinelle and Count. Denie has become one of my best friends from the site and we are planning a visit for this summer!! Once again, I can hardly contain myself!
May was the month that I had my thighs and face tattooed as well!
+June/July: In June I headed off to Berlin where I stayed with the lovely StickyLove. It was a fun time in Berlin, although I didnt take any pictures.... except the ones in my set Almost Golden.
Half way through the month I was off to India. Nothing could have prepared me for the shock of arriving in India. A very large part of my heart is still there. In the sweltering heat and the pungent stench of the city. Sigh. There are moments when I think about leaving everything behind and going back but I know its just not that easy.
June and July were spent there either wandering around or living with an Indian family. I miss them dearly and would love to know how they are getting along.
+August: After India I was off to Nepal. There are so many things to say about Nepal but I just dont know where to start. I almost died, twice. I spent three of the worst days of my life covered in leeches, sleeping with bugs and exhausted from wandering in the jungle in the rain. Looking back it was totally worth it but in the moment I wanted to die or kill someone. On that trip I got to see a wild tiger and two rhinos so I should count myself lucky.
Mid August meant back to the States for me. It took four days straight of hell to get from Nepal to NYC. I came back to my "brother" and lots of friends in DC and Richmond. I spent a few days in each place catching up with old friends and telling all the stories of my travels. I also had a lot of fun while I was there....
+September: I left for PDX Labor Day weekend. I went back to see my family and friends. My homecoming would have been a little more enjoyable if I had been emotionally ready to return but also if I had not gotten a Staph Infection in my chin. Haha. Its all kind of funny to me though. I survived Morocco, India and Nepal without getting sick and I get back to the states to that!?!?! I spent the better portion of my time in PDX trying to get rid of that nasty bug. I now have a cute little scar as proof!
There were good parts of my trip back though.
+October: In October I left PDX and came back to NYC. I stayed with Brooklyn and started making plans for settling in. I made a quick trip to DC and on to Richmond before I began the big hunt for a job and housing.
+November was quite uneventful considering the months before. I spent most of my time sleeping, looking for housing and on the job hunt. I did make it back down to DC for the holiday but other than that not much happened.
+December has been bittersweet. So many amazing things and so many things that I find stressful or just plain sad. I have two jobs now and I love it. I really like one and the other is just extra money. I have guests coming soon and I really like that. I found a place to live but have decided to move again because its just not the right fit. I have been making new friends and finding that others are leaving. So in a nut shell, it is a bittersweet month.
I can only imagine what then next year will hold for me. Although, I doubt it will be as impressive or adventurous as this one was!
All in all, a Fucking Great Year! I couldn't have asked for anything more! There was a lot left out of that but those are my highlights.
Brooklyn is working on a new set as we speak! It will be called 'Veloshop' so keep your eyes open for it! Its a hot one! I wish I could share a little sneak preview with you but you will have to wait!
I will leave you with a current photo of me since there have been so many old ones. Please excuse my appearance as it is very late and I am tired.....
xoxox
July
P.S. I had a baby....
I feel gross. I hardly recognize who I have become and I am ashamed of my recent behavior. I need to stop but I just dont know how. As happy as I have been the past few months I have also been ignoring my sadness, anger and stress. Instead of dealing with it I have taken to binge drinking (not to mention tons of other bad behavior). I hit a bottom I am not proud of the other night. Maybe it isn't that low to some but I am feeling embarrassed and ashamed. I got blackout drunk (again) Saturday night with my coworkers. I'm not sure what happened, what was said or how I got home. I'm pretty sure I made out with a coworker and spilled the beans on stripping, the sugar daddy and a number of other things I should keep to myself. No one at work has really talked about it and part of me is thankful for it.
Its obvious I need to change my behavior, Im just at a loss as to how. I know the easy answer is to just stop drinking but that is how everyone I know socializes and I feel like its deeper than that.... In any case it is a funny story to tell later (or now
). Im just beginning to worry because its becoming an all the time thing. Ok so that's now. But I want to think about the positive things that this year has held for me! It was an amazing year and if you had asked me last December where I would be today I would have never guessed this!
+January: Funny how I started and will end 2009 in the same place with so much in between! I spent New Years Eve in DC at a friends party and then just after midnight I drove up to NYC. I had great times ice skating, baking, wandering the city and hanging out with good people. I made a short four day trip home to PDX and then took off for Europe!
The last 10 days of January were spent in London.
+February: What an amazing month in Paris! I met wonderful people, cut off a chunk of my finger and fell in love with a city. I lived with three wonderful boys and made one of my best friends there. Paris holds a little piece of my heart now....
February was also the month that my second set went live! I remember being so excited I could explode in the internet cafe when I saw!
+March was a great month as well. I spent it in Spain and while I did not really enjoy San Sebastian or Madrid, Barcelona was fantastic. I made lovely friends there, met Ilsa and DiazArri and spent long days cooking or wandering the city.
I met up with a friend in Valencia for Falles too. That was well worth the effort but probably not something I would do again.
+April: It was late March that I left for Morocco but most of my time there was in April. As miserable as I was during a lot of that trip, looking back, it was completely worth it. Its where I fell in love with Islam and the call to prayer. Morocco is one of the most beautiful countries I have ever experienced. Not just aesthetically but everything about it was beautiful. People were hospitable, kind, friendly, curious. The food was to die for, the weather even better..... Id like to do a cycling trip across the country some day.
The second half of April was difficult for me. I went back to Barcelona only to leave one short week later for Paris. Again, I was only in Paris for a very short time before it was again time to move on.
I am no good at goodbyes. I never have been and I don't think I ever will be.
+May: Oh what a great month! May is always nice. My birthday comes, it starts to warm up, the first hints of summer come shining through! I spent last May in Prague. I got to see Envy play and I was given the keys to a flat after knowing the guy who lived there for two days! While I was there I lived with a lively German woman and a Slovakian straightedge man. He was a little scary sometimes but I love him.
This was also the month that I met Denie, Coccinelle and Count. Denie has become one of my best friends from the site and we are planning a visit for this summer!! Once again, I can hardly contain myself!
May was the month that I had my thighs and face tattooed as well!
+June/July: In June I headed off to Berlin where I stayed with the lovely StickyLove. It was a fun time in Berlin, although I didnt take any pictures.... except the ones in my set Almost Golden.
Half way through the month I was off to India. Nothing could have prepared me for the shock of arriving in India. A very large part of my heart is still there. In the sweltering heat and the pungent stench of the city. Sigh. There are moments when I think about leaving everything behind and going back but I know its just not that easy.
June and July were spent there either wandering around or living with an Indian family. I miss them dearly and would love to know how they are getting along.
+August: After India I was off to Nepal. There are so many things to say about Nepal but I just dont know where to start. I almost died, twice. I spent three of the worst days of my life covered in leeches, sleeping with bugs and exhausted from wandering in the jungle in the rain. Looking back it was totally worth it but in the moment I wanted to die or kill someone. On that trip I got to see a wild tiger and two rhinos so I should count myself lucky.
Mid August meant back to the States for me. It took four days straight of hell to get from Nepal to NYC. I came back to my "brother" and lots of friends in DC and Richmond. I spent a few days in each place catching up with old friends and telling all the stories of my travels. I also had a lot of fun while I was there....
+September: I left for PDX Labor Day weekend. I went back to see my family and friends. My homecoming would have been a little more enjoyable if I had been emotionally ready to return but also if I had not gotten a Staph Infection in my chin. Haha. Its all kind of funny to me though. I survived Morocco, India and Nepal without getting sick and I get back to the states to that!?!?! I spent the better portion of my time in PDX trying to get rid of that nasty bug. I now have a cute little scar as proof!
There were good parts of my trip back though.
+October: In October I left PDX and came back to NYC. I stayed with Brooklyn and started making plans for settling in. I made a quick trip to DC and on to Richmond before I began the big hunt for a job and housing.
+November was quite uneventful considering the months before. I spent most of my time sleeping, looking for housing and on the job hunt. I did make it back down to DC for the holiday but other than that not much happened.
+December has been bittersweet. So many amazing things and so many things that I find stressful or just plain sad. I have two jobs now and I love it. I really like one and the other is just extra money. I have guests coming soon and I really like that. I found a place to live but have decided to move again because its just not the right fit. I have been making new friends and finding that others are leaving. So in a nut shell, it is a bittersweet month.
I can only imagine what then next year will hold for me. Although, I doubt it will be as impressive or adventurous as this one was!
All in all, a Fucking Great Year! I couldn't have asked for anything more! There was a lot left out of that but those are my highlights.
Brooklyn is working on a new set as we speak! It will be called 'Veloshop' so keep your eyes open for it! Its a hot one! I wish I could share a little sneak preview with you but you will have to wait!
I will leave you with a current photo of me since there have been so many old ones. Please excuse my appearance as it is very late and I am tired.....
xoxox
July
P.S. I had a baby....
JAN 04, 2010 11:22 PM
JAN 05, 2010 04:36 PM
JAN 07, 2010 08:36 PM
my advice as someone not much older and completely unqualified to give advice is this:
when I was 23, I finished undergrad and had been listening to made friend take about who it was our last great summer etc.
now we had always drank a lot partying (12 plus beers a night or most of a750ml bottle of booze to yourself etc.)
but I keep thinking about what he said feeling I had to make the most of that time, and I ended up so drunk most times i had no idea what I had done or said, and my friends were in the same boat.
I cost me my girlfriend, which i was disappointed about, but we had been good friends since highschool before we dated, and we aren't friends anymore, she still really dislikes me to this day to the point of not looking at me in public.
but anyone, I chalk it up to a weird time in my life, lacking purpose and not being sure what I wanted to do.
I got past it, and I still drink just not like that. I go out for a few social drinks, from time to time to many still but not as bad. I just make better choices but what I drink, beer over booze etc.
you'll grow out of it with time. also a 8 to 5 monday to friday job helped a lot and hobbies like running, getting back into hockey etc.
and trust me yor probably drink a quarter of what I did.
a relative of mine from scotland always says "yer nae drunk till yae shite yersel"
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