I promise when I have the time I’ll let you down, too.
I am a pro
psycho
masochistic
brat.

The shit never looks like it does on the menu.

The waiter always expects a tip.

We pee alone and wanna jam it in each other’s mouths later.

I need to go to bed but this day needs to start first. It’s dark but that’s no ending, baby.


Fuck it, in less than twenty-four hours I’ll be seeing Pagoda. I hope it makes me feel better………..it’s a sold out show. I wanna mosh. I want rock to ROCK again.

Oh, weird randomness……

*Poetry, Snacks, Sodomy and Some Voodoo Dolls, hurry while supplies last* I swear that’s what this sign said I saw in NO once.

It is devastating to me that an ACDC song is used in a Nike commercial. Fucking jock wear and ROCK MUSIC DO NOT MIX!! Play crap like Hootie and The Blowfish or John Mayor or one of those safe turds or something else that doesn’t matter. Ugh. Maggots.




I am working on a murder mystery with a Hitchcock meets Christopher Pike type of vibe, “The Econo Lodge World Tour.”

I keep getting all these tax form papers to fill out from all my odd jobs last year, pouring in, bad memories, all the time now.

My fingers smell like glue and honey.



Has anyone heard this band called Rapeman??

I wanna shirt that says “Everyone Hates A Pisces” I’m sure they exist………..

The sky was beautiful today, filled with fast moving grey clouds blanketing greyer clouds, moving in groups towards one grey area to flee from another……..and I don’t miss the clear blue at all right now.

Just simply out of milk….a day of remembrance becomes a day to forget….

Pagoda. Major Ear Orgasm.


hyde, my beautiful amazing friend, took these pics. she's shooting my next set, too.
more to come with next entry...

dudes. 2 days........

UPDATE.........
An email from someone: “Your SG journal is starting to look like the bedroom wall of an Olsen twin.”
WELL GOSH!!!!


So I’m drunk. More good news – pics of me in a couple of days. I’ll post them here. hyde took them. she's rad, she's shooting my set, too.......I’m inching ever closer to getting it shot. Hopefully this weekend. I am waiting for the right weather, that’s all.

had yet another staring contest with a creep on the subway today. i won. yeah, that's right, i always do. you have no idea what these eyes have seen, what they hold and what they give back, look AWAY.
never look back.

thanks for everyone's thoughts on my reading. it went well, things are very productive right now..........i'll post something new in a few days.

4 days:



everyone needs to download some Pagoda. like now.

OH. MY. GOD. look who i met today!! we chatted and he invited me to his show next week!!

me and treason went guitar shopping and michael pitt was there. i recognized his beanie and dirty boots. he looked at me, smiled, and i went over and introduced myself and told him i loved him in "The Dreamers," and he got this huge shit eating grin on his face. ahahaha (most people know him from Last Days) he was really cool..............goin to check out his band next week................so last night, it was really cool. some of the readers seemed bored/boring, but i got up there and raised my anarchy pompoms and woke everyone the fuck up. Mr. Whipple called my writing "intense..." i think what i read (about my lesbian experience when i was 15) made his unibrow fly off, that thing had wings, i swear. and my agent is really sweet. we're meeting for coffee next week i'm pretty psyched. i was invited back to Mr. Whipple's penthouse to read again, too. his place is pretty pimped out. fireplace, a bathroom as big as our study, and a terrace with bunny rabbits running around. its kinda freaky - mr. whipple has paintings of himself everywhere.
my agent knows bret easton ellis
well i've had a mix of caffiene and alcohol today and i'm feeling kinda weird. i need to go chill for a bit.
"I have a lot to say, but i'll leave that to you, I'll leave that to those who have the ability to expound their whinos better than I." - Kurt Cobain.

thanks to treason i'm goin to see The Strokes march 3rd. getting tickets was a royal pain in the ass. the show sold out in twenty minutes. i'm a very lucky girl. thanks, babe
i feel like poop i have a splitting headache. the headache pain actually woke me up this morning. i have a big night tonight and don't wanna feel like this. i'll let you all know how my reading at the penthouse "salon" party goes. i feel confident about what i'm reading, i think everything's gonna be cool.
i'll post pics, too. PROMISE.
so what's everyone up to this weekend?

my heart is so guitar-shaped..........

This is going to be a quick update. A real update will be on Friday. I’ll post pics of me before I go to the penthouse literary reading/party. I will need a really strong drink before I go. It has been YEARS since I’ve read in front of a group. What I’m reading is dark and sexy....and i think it will draw everyone in really fast. I’m reading from a new book I’ve been working on, Zipper Girls. It takes place in South Carolina in the first half and New Orleans in the second.
I had the real pleasure of meeting zode and his friend rob over the weekend. i can't wait to hang out with them again! i also got very drunk and made out with a table in my favorite bar, licking up some spilled liquor. i made out with some awesome folks as well........
Tomorrow night I will be going
here to see funeral crashers and some other cool bands. Lit is one of the very first places me and treason visited when we came to New York about three years ago. It's where i met one of the JT LeRoys. Winona Ryder and Asia Argento were there, too.
i've decided to no longer be bitter about JT LeRoy, whoever he/she is, whoever i talked to on the phone in the early hours of valentines day, whoever i shared secrets with, I guess he'll be like a superhero to me, a wonderful idea, more real than anyone in pop culture, that's for sure.
wish me luck that i get tickets friday for the strokes, presale tickets sold out in about fifteen minutes.
for those of you who have inquired - i am shooting a new set next week. I PROMISE.
thats all i feel up to sayin for now.
be cool babies........



found this on the net:
Uranus is an eccentric planet and produces a sudden release of energy. Uranus (* uranium) is also the Lord of nuclear devices). This drastic odd planet stir numerous natural disasters earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes volcanic eruption etc. and it is now into the sign of Pisces (* water) and this celestial manifestation is exerting tremendous forces on large bodies of water (*oceans) that will be rushed to the coast lines (*tsunamis). Sorry it's NOT a mad God deal and yes once this planet will be out of Pisces (and the gods appeased?) the energy will simply dissipate.

My family’s a bunch of sports Nazis. I’m the art fag black sheep. I don’t fucking care about football. I do think, tho, none of the players should wear helmets. Like what the flip are they protecting themselves from? Head injuries? Like who cares.

I can’t wait until Friday. Fucking tickets for this band!!

don't hate them because they're beautiful.

I’ve been invited by my agent to read at George Whipple’s penthouse this Friday. I must say I don’t know much about Mr. Whipple except he has crazy eyebrows and writes for New York Times, Harper’s Bizarre and Town and Country. I write for Town and Country, too. No, not really.
I’d invite ya’ll but I can only bring one guest. I have to dress all mod and feminine. This means I must abandon my ripped jeans that are starting to smell like expired produce once again – my friends hangin with me tonight, you have been warned, cos I’m wearin’ ‘em. If you’d like to donate quarters to the make a Jordan smell better foundation, you may.

fake girls don't smell. they don't laugh or cry either.



So I’ve had quite a few email requests to read my novel. I am planning on getting back to you as soon as I can. Meanwhile check this out.

I must go now…….my dominant side is persuading my submissive side to join together in the bedroom……..

From “Demonic”
The Death of Billy Goat Judas

PHIL
We went to a shabby little bar in Detroit. It was an underground place. The steps were slabs of red painted concrete. Chunks were missing from the stairs. It would have been so easy to have fallen and broken my neck. The waterlogged piece of wood that hung over the narrow entrance read Blake’s. It had just started raining. Tonight’s specials were written in chalk on a board placed on the floor by the bouncer. I went to the bar while Harry went to the jukebox. I suddenly realized how fat he was. In the truck it was hard to tell. As he stood in front of the jukebox, though, with one hand placed on his hip, I noticed how his fat just spilled over his jeans. He was short, too. His arms were still muscular, I guess from the required exercise of scooping ice cream. I ordered us some jack and cokes and we took a seat on a wobbly bench near a pool table. Boys with no asses in loose-fitting jeans played an unimpressive match. The collision of the balls and consistent toss of beer bottles behind the bar filled up the silence between Harry and me. I tried to think of something somewhat interesting to say. He looked bored but wanted to talk.
“So, you don’t really like college, huh?”
“No…did you go to college?” He looked at me and laughed.
“What do you think?” Then he took a long suck from his beer, looking up at the neon sign that made his face even redder than it already was. “Yes,” he clarified. A few more moments of silence passed. Finally he added, “What does it matter in the end, right? We all choke.” Alice Cooper suddenly blasted out through the terrible speakers. “Eighteen! I just don’t know what I want!”
“This song should’ve been called forever,” Harry commented, “Because I have always felt that way, not just when I was fucking eighteen. That’s just when it started.” I nodded.
“Yeah, I know. I don’t feel like I’m meant for college. I really don’t feel like I’m meant for anything. I do like to build stuff, but last night destroying things felt better.” There had been a brutal rape on campus a few weeks ago. I don’t know what made me think of it, I just did. Some girl, a freshman, said four guys ganged up on her, raped her with a broomstick and made her suck her own tampon after they took it out of her. A guy in my hall was one of the suspects. Some jock joked about the rape the other day during some fund raiser hogwash. “You think she got splinters in her kidneys?” A few guys around him laughed.
After Alice Cooper came ACDC.
“I like your taste in music,” I said. I wasn’t sure if he heard me at first.
“The only reason why I come here,” he pointed to the table, “the fucking jukebox.”
“Yeah, it seems cool.”
“They got some fuckin’ Spinal Tap. You should go over there and check it out.”
I did. I ended up loading about fifteen songs. They had everything I used to love and there wasn’t anything better then getting drunk and hearing stuff that made me think about the couple of good years before I started Michigan State. There were these two guys I’d pal around with – Deccon and this punk guy that called himself St. Charles as a joke. They were both loners like me, but every so often we’d get in these moods to hang out with each other and just drink. Deccon had so many records and St. Charles had a few good ones, too. St. Charles had a pet Billy goat named Judas. One night when we were listening to The Ramones, Judas got hit by a car. We were in St. Charles room, smoking and drinking. He noticed Judas was gone and we looked out into the street and saw a lump of white hair and blood. St. Charles seemed real broken up about it, so much so he stopped hanging out with us. Deccon went to visit his sister in Portland. I went to Michigan State. We just got scattered about. Actually, hearing stuff like 53rd and 3rd makes me sad, but it’s better than not feeling anything at all.

UPDATE - i just cut my teeth with my tongue.
my screenplay is complete. Noble Rot is about to introduce itself to the world. Revenge. It's all about sweet balls out fuck all else sweet motherfuggen revenge.............................

treason is buying me tickets to see The Strokes for my birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this. makes. me. happy.

today i watched this film for the 31st time.......pat briggs is a beautiful man.........






Survey!!

What do you like more – hugs or kisses?
Hugs.

If you had to make a speech on national TV tonight what would you speak about?
Why S/M is looked down on while plastic surgery is so hyped up. Plastic surgery is self mutilation, in my opinion, and S/M is an act of love.

If you could have one band play a private show on your birthday, what band would it be?
You guys could prolly guess mine, but it’s The Strokes. And puke on anyone who thinks that’s uncool.

Tomorrow you can have a two hour lunch with anyone in the world, who would you have lunch with?
Bret Easton Ellis.

What’s your favorite body part?
My ass.

What’s your favorite body part on a woman?
I’m a butt girl, I like ass.

What’s your favorite part on a man?
(I expect guys to answer this!)
The back of the neck.

What are you looking forward to most this year?
Getting my new tattoo!

If you could be professionally trained to do anything this year, what would it be?
To learn how to surf.

Do you ever fantasize about an old love?
No.

What did you spend a lot of time doing as a child?
Jumping on my best friends trampoline in a trailer park while listening to Skid Row over and over and over…………

You have been given a large sum of money to help reconstruct a struggling city, which city would you help?
New Orleans.

You are homeless. You can either stay at a hostel or with a rich but total stranger – what do you do?
Rich total stranger.

Do you think androgyny is sexy?
Hell yes.

Have you ever been toe fucked?
Yes.

How important do you think sex appeal is in music?
Extremely important.

What are you wearing right now?
Pink pjs with cupid shooting his arrow and a black lace top.

How many times have you been turned on today?
Twice.

tagged suckers:
treason
bateman
4stella4star
damon_shadows
hellblazer
girlie
grundleswamp


get to it, darlings

ooooooooooooooooooooh i just watched someone throw up.

he needs a bath and i really want to give him one

its friday the 13th. i always feel like somebody's watching me........



zode said about my book, Demonic:

"Expression of Love is a Beautiful thing particularly when it is atypical. You captured something I enjoy immensely… the mutual connection and expression of a sexual desire that transcends the typical mind."

the screenplay is almost completely finished