today I’ve just been sitting back questioning everything. like why I’m here. I don’t mean new york, I mean this site. And what should my next move be. So many places I don’t feel like I belong anymore. And I HATE it when I finish a book. I mean I’m happy I was able to finish a novel here because in the big asshole there are so many distractions, even for a loner like me, and yeah, now I feel like I’m nowhere doing nothing. I get really involved in my books, close to my characters, then its done, and the silence is impounding. I hate it. I just want to be asleep. zombie talk lately has me wanting to write a screenplay for a zombie flick, so maybe……it would just be nice to have the support of my family, instead of them always saying shit like “why do you write, you’re not making any money from it,” or when my aunt asks all the time why I moved to new york when she was living in her fucking car two months ago……yeah, I’m weird for wanting to do something with my life instead being a baby machine for jesus or whatever…….the fact is I’ve known since I was 10 that I’d be in a big city by the time I was thirty, and at least semi-happy because I was doing what I wanted, even if it meant piss to people, but that’s okay, cos those people are piss to me right now anyway…….maybe I’ll watch Black Circle Boys again and order Chinese food, beyond that,