It’s RAGE, motherfuggaaaaaaaaaz, RAGE!!!
I remember hearing Zach whisper in his gut wrenching passionate voice, “anger is a gift,” so long ago in my ex-girlfriend’s basement in the suburbs of Illinois when we had nothing but ten bucks and a beat up piece of shit car but that was cool. As long as the tape deck worked and eventually we’d end up with Spider, Jack and others at The Vic…………
But yeah, Rage.

Laughing Phantom…..
My new boss talked to me during my interview last week about integrity….an undivided or unbroken completeness or totality with nothing wanting…..it’s been on my mind ever since. I asked him what the main thing he wanted from his staff in making the new business stay afloat. “Integrity,” he said, “It’s the most important thing a person can possess.”
Through all of this JT stuff, it’s all I’ve been holding onto. Maybe some people think I’m too upset and should let it go. If I hear one more person say “But the books were good and that’s the point,” I’m gonna puke straight down their throat. They don’t know; they haven’t been receiving the emails from baffled fans that I have. Maybe they should listen to the sixty minute tape of that 40 year old woman posing as a lost but brilliant male author that I have, they should hear this bag when she fakes a phone call from Billy Corgan, or how much of a struggle it was to get off the streets and off heroin and blah, blah, blah. It’s a little hard to let it go. I emailed dark and painful stories of things I’d been through over the span of three years to JT LeRoy, an author, a runaway who I thought I had things in common with. And the reality is those people who read those emails were a middle-aged housewife and her husband who now have a movie deal over this hoax, and they offer no apologies after fans spent a great deal of time and money on someone they believed in, some even talked “JT” down from suicide or submitted to phone sex when JT said he didn’t have much in common with people on the outside because of his sex change ordeal. All of this – lies. It was just a joke to them, just a way to get what they wanted. But the thing that hurts the most from all of this is a deranged woman by the name of Nancy Murdock. It’s just pointless to fight with crazy people, but it’s a hard thing to resist. It’s like when you’re a child and believe in monsters and you almost want to see one so you can prove to people they exist.
Only now that I’m grown up do I have proof of that. Monsters are not hiding in closets after all. They’re in the entertainment industry.
Nancy started emailing me a few years ago. She told me she was “JT’s” assistant. She asked me to send her some of my writing so she could give me feedback. I met and drank with her. She told me if I gave her my manuscript she’d pass it long to JT. I was stoked. I had a crush on the boy and I admired him greatly for what he’d been through, so I gave it to her, now these people have it….(I’ll be getting it copyrighted next week just in case…….oh, yeah, these people are getting a new book published by Last Gasp in the spring, Last Gasp knows about the hoax and they don’t care, it’s all about the money)
Anyway, I emailed Nancy yesterday and this morning:
ME: a heartless machine created work kids who came from horrific
> > > backgrounds related to. in their minds they pictured a boy not much
> > > different than them - fragile but strong, handsome but alarmingly
> > > peculiar in his dangerous appeal, and romanticized the thought of
> > > hanging out with him,
> > > but behind their dreams that replaced their nightmares,
> > > was a heartless machine,
> > > a money hungry waif,
> > > laughing at emails from those sharing stories of their suffering,
> > > never knowing pain herself so she will never have the honor of finding
> > > strength,
> > > and this is how i make peace with something so amazingly chilling.
> > > because i know my story, my soul and my heart, and from them i have
> > > found much strength.
> > > what an absolute travesty,
> > > and shame on you for not having the heart to take responsibility and
> > > apologize,

NANCY: Nothing for me to apologize for. Nothing at all. There has
> > been no laughter at emails of folks who suffer. That's a cruelty that
> > does not exist in me or JT & Company. And you judge too soon about any
> > of us never knowing pain. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
> > Assumptions are being made and confusion is carrying them to places
> > where they don't fit. Wishing you well, Nancy

ME: then the books should have been published under
> jt and company or fake ass losers and company or just a bunch of liars who want
> money.

the guilty liars:

creepy, ae??


………but don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine because I’ve always been me. And maybe these idiots one day will think back about the sensitive, strong and passionate people who shared their stories with JT, someone everyone once called an angel. Hopefully those stories won’t end up in print to background some bogus character of theirs. Only time will tell.

-J

And now for the brighter side of things…………3 weeks before the show………