PICS
Its RAGE, motherfuggaaaaaaaaaz, RAGE!!!
I remember hearing Zach whisper in his gut wrenching passionate voice, anger is a gift, so long ago in my ex-girlfriends basement in the suburbs of Illinois when we had nothing but ten bucks and a beat up piece of shit car but that was cool. As long as the tape deck worked and eventually wed end up with Spider, Jack and others at The Vic
But yeah, Rage.
Laughing Phantom ..
My new boss talked to me during my interview last week about integrity .an undivided or unbroken completeness or totality with nothing wanting ..its been on my mind ever since. I asked him what the main thing he wanted from his staff in making the new business stay afloat. Integrity, he said, Its the most important thing a person can possess.
Through all of this JT stuff, its all Ive been holding onto. Maybe some people think Im too upset and should let it go. If I hear one more person say But the books were good and thats the point, Im gonna puke straight down their throat. They dont know; they havent been receiving the emails from baffled fans that I have. Maybe they should listen to the sixty minute tape of that 40 year old woman posing as a lost but brilliant male author that I have, they should hear this bag when she fakes a phone call from Billy Corgan, or how much of a struggle it was to get off the streets and off heroin and blah, blah, blah. Its a little hard to let it go. I emailed dark and painful stories of things Id been through over the span of three years to JT LeRoy, an author, a runaway who I thought I had things in common with. And the reality is those people who read those emails were a middle-aged housewife and her husband who now have a movie deal over this hoax, and they offer no apologies after fans spent a great deal of time and money on someone they believed in, some even talked JT down from suicide or submitted to phone sex when JT said he didnt have much in common with people on the outside because of his sex change ordeal. All of this lies. It was just a joke to them, just a way to get what they wanted. But the thing that hurts the most from all of this is a deranged woman by the name of Nancy Murdock. Its just pointless to fight with crazy people, but its a hard thing to resist. Its like when youre a child and believe in monsters and you almost want to see one so you can prove to people they exist.
Only now that Im grown up do I have proof of that. Monsters are not hiding in closets after all. Theyre in the entertainment industry.
Nancy started emailing me a few years ago. She told me she was JTs assistant. She asked me to send her some of my writing so she could give me feedback. I met and drank with her. She told me if I gave her my manuscript shed pass it long to JT. I was stoked. I had a crush on the boy and I admired him greatly for what hed been through, so I gave it to her, now these people have it .(Ill be getting it copyrighted next week just in case .oh, yeah, these people are getting a new book published by Last Gasp in the spring, Last Gasp knows about the hoax and they dont care, its all about the money)
Anyway, I emailed Nancy yesterday and this morning:
ME: a heartless machine created work kids who came from horrific
> > > backgrounds related to. in their minds they pictured a boy not much
> > > different than them - fragile but strong, handsome but alarmingly
> > > peculiar in his dangerous appeal, and romanticized the thought of
> > > hanging out with him,
> > > but behind their dreams that replaced their nightmares,
> > > was a heartless machine,
> > > a money hungry waif,
> > > laughing at emails from those sharing stories of their suffering,
> > > never knowing pain herself so she will never have the honor of finding
> > > strength,
> > > and this is how i make peace with something so amazingly chilling.
> > > because i know my story, my soul and my heart, and from them i have
> > > found much strength.
> > > what an absolute travesty,
> > > and shame on you for not having the heart to take responsibility and
> > > apologize,
NANCY: Nothing for me to apologize for. Nothing at all. There has
> > been no laughter at emails of folks who suffer. That's a cruelty that
> > does not exist in me or JT & Company. And you judge too soon about any
> > of us never knowing pain. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
> > Assumptions are being made and confusion is carrying them to places
> > where they don't fit. Wishing you well, Nancy
ME: then the books should have been published under
> jt and company or fake ass losers and company or just a bunch of liars who want
> money.
the guilty liars:
creepy, ae??
but dont worry about me. Ill be fine because Ive always been me. And maybe these idiots one day will think back about the sensitive, strong and passionate people who shared their stories with JT, someone everyone once called an angel. Hopefully those stories wont end up in print to background some bogus character of theirs. Only time will tell.
-J
And now for the brighter side of things 3 weeks before the show
I remember hearing Zach whisper in his gut wrenching passionate voice, anger is a gift, so long ago in my ex-girlfriends basement in the suburbs of Illinois when we had nothing but ten bucks and a beat up piece of shit car but that was cool. As long as the tape deck worked and eventually wed end up with Spider, Jack and others at The Vic
But yeah, Rage.
Laughing Phantom ..
My new boss talked to me during my interview last week about integrity .an undivided or unbroken completeness or totality with nothing wanting ..its been on my mind ever since. I asked him what the main thing he wanted from his staff in making the new business stay afloat. Integrity, he said, Its the most important thing a person can possess.
Through all of this JT stuff, its all Ive been holding onto. Maybe some people think Im too upset and should let it go. If I hear one more person say But the books were good and thats the point, Im gonna puke straight down their throat. They dont know; they havent been receiving the emails from baffled fans that I have. Maybe they should listen to the sixty minute tape of that 40 year old woman posing as a lost but brilliant male author that I have, they should hear this bag when she fakes a phone call from Billy Corgan, or how much of a struggle it was to get off the streets and off heroin and blah, blah, blah. Its a little hard to let it go. I emailed dark and painful stories of things Id been through over the span of three years to JT LeRoy, an author, a runaway who I thought I had things in common with. And the reality is those people who read those emails were a middle-aged housewife and her husband who now have a movie deal over this hoax, and they offer no apologies after fans spent a great deal of time and money on someone they believed in, some even talked JT down from suicide or submitted to phone sex when JT said he didnt have much in common with people on the outside because of his sex change ordeal. All of this lies. It was just a joke to them, just a way to get what they wanted. But the thing that hurts the most from all of this is a deranged woman by the name of Nancy Murdock. Its just pointless to fight with crazy people, but its a hard thing to resist. Its like when youre a child and believe in monsters and you almost want to see one so you can prove to people they exist.
Only now that Im grown up do I have proof of that. Monsters are not hiding in closets after all. Theyre in the entertainment industry.
Nancy started emailing me a few years ago. She told me she was JTs assistant. She asked me to send her some of my writing so she could give me feedback. I met and drank with her. She told me if I gave her my manuscript shed pass it long to JT. I was stoked. I had a crush on the boy and I admired him greatly for what hed been through, so I gave it to her, now these people have it .(Ill be getting it copyrighted next week just in case .oh, yeah, these people are getting a new book published by Last Gasp in the spring, Last Gasp knows about the hoax and they dont care, its all about the money)
Anyway, I emailed Nancy yesterday and this morning:
ME: a heartless machine created work kids who came from horrific
> > > backgrounds related to. in their minds they pictured a boy not much
> > > different than them - fragile but strong, handsome but alarmingly
> > > peculiar in his dangerous appeal, and romanticized the thought of
> > > hanging out with him,
> > > but behind their dreams that replaced their nightmares,
> > > was a heartless machine,
> > > a money hungry waif,
> > > laughing at emails from those sharing stories of their suffering,
> > > never knowing pain herself so she will never have the honor of finding
> > > strength,
> > > and this is how i make peace with something so amazingly chilling.
> > > because i know my story, my soul and my heart, and from them i have
> > > found much strength.
> > > what an absolute travesty,
> > > and shame on you for not having the heart to take responsibility and
> > > apologize,
NANCY: Nothing for me to apologize for. Nothing at all. There has
> > been no laughter at emails of folks who suffer. That's a cruelty that
> > does not exist in me or JT & Company. And you judge too soon about any
> > of us never knowing pain. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
> > Assumptions are being made and confusion is carrying them to places
> > where they don't fit. Wishing you well, Nancy
ME: then the books should have been published under
> jt and company or fake ass losers and company or just a bunch of liars who want
> money.
the guilty liars:
creepy, ae??
but dont worry about me. Ill be fine because Ive always been me. And maybe these idiots one day will think back about the sensitive, strong and passionate people who shared their stories with JT, someone everyone once called an angel. Hopefully those stories wont end up in print to background some bogus character of theirs. Only time will tell.
-J
And now for the brighter side of things 3 weeks before the show
FEB 10, 2006 08:28 AM
FEB 10, 2006 09:10 AM
FEB 10, 2006 09:43 AM
"Monsters are not hiding in closets after all. Theyre in the entertainment industry."
Truer words were never spoken. I can testify to that...
I've sounded off quite a bit on the whole Leroy thing. I'm tired of hearing my own opinions on the subject and I certainly don't want you puking down my throat.
I will say that I understand your rage. In some ways I agree with you. And anger IS a gift.
So is art, for that matter.
And as with any gift, it's good to understand how and when to use them.
Take care, kiddo.
FEB 10, 2006 09:45 AM
FEB 10, 2006 10:15 AM
FEB 10, 2006 01:23 PM
There's nothing woirse than treachery and deception from you trust.
It's even worse from someone who you identify with, and who actively sought that trust, for their own reasons.
To use someone like that who has been so ill used in the past is equivalent to pedophiles using trust to exploit hurt children.
JT and Co. are as low as a human can get.
Unfortunately, much of America isn't that far behind them.
I'm sorry they betrayed you, and I hope you get the bastards for it.
FEB 10, 2006 04:03 PM
FEB 10, 2006 05:30 PM
FEB 10, 2006 05:55 PM
FEB 10, 2006 11:56 PM
thank you pretty lady 
i just saw your anime set for the first time.. hot hot shit 
FEB 11, 2006 03:42 PM
Booooring but thanks for asking 
I have no idea where she is, she even removed most of her friends from Myspace, I really, really hope she is ok 
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