So I have been tagged. I present to you Jordan’s 20 confessions.

1) I own a vibrator I found at a thrift store.
2) I had such a hardcore make out session with this girl once that I woke up with bruises the size of my hands covering my inner thighs, arms and breasts. I was in so much pain I almost went to a hospital.
3) I get alcohol poisoning monthly.
4) A male prostitute tried to kill me.
5) I had Trent Reznor’s phone number but I lost it.
6) this sexy bastard has hugged me 5 times.
7) I’ve spent time in jail.
8) I haven’t moved from my couch in over 6 hours.
9) I worked at The Nutcracker Suite.
10) I dated a guy whose mom liked to watch us make out.
11) I cannot cook a thing. I even fuck up toast.
12) I’ve always had a thing for my cousin (I’m from the dirty south)
13) I used to hump my raggedy ann doll.
14) I beat a girl in the head with a mop in 1st grade for trying to make me eat glue.
15) I can hardly tell the difference between pain and pleasure.
16) A dentist almost (purposely) cut my tongue out when I was 12.
17) I want to have an orgy with the West Memphis 3
18) I had such a crush on a boy in high school that I left banana pudding on his front porch everyday for five months straight.
19) A man attempted to kidnap me from the park when I was four.
20) I have found out there’s something to be learned from everyone – except for those who wear Abercrombie and Fitch.

Now I must tag 5 of you perverts. Ahahahaha.