My cousin was murdered last night. We grew up together. He stayed with us often and often long term, my mother was his god mother, and we were close like siblings. Sometimes he didn't make the best choices, but his heart was good. We both had hard times, and were in troubling situations that most of our family couldn't completely understand, but we understood each other. I never judged him, and he never judged me, which is probably why were close, although recently i hadn't seen him much. I thought things were finally looking up for him.

He was shot and killed by a dishonorable, cowardly person with a small heart and a weak soul. I have never met this rotten fuck but I can practically taste the poison that must emanate from his terrible being. May that son of a bitch rot in prison and subsequently in hell.

I knew something was going to happen soon. I was scared something was going to happen to one of my actual brothers. I thought maybe it would be my dad. I even started thinking my cat was dead in his sleep. I hate feeling that terrible imminent energy looming overhead when I have no way to predict how it will manifest itself. I hadn't spoken to him as recently as I would have liked to, but he sent me a note on Easter. I am ridiculously heartbroken, but extremely glad that my last talk with him was good, as it always had been.

Time and again, life reminds me it is fleeting and that you have to make each day worth having lived. Please don't lose sight of the people you love. So many people let problems within their lives and relationships turn family ties into dust and they let contact fade away. Just don't let familial quarrels drag on. Never leave on a bad word, even if you're angry. Find time for people you love. There is always another way, but at some point, there won't be another day. Take nothing and no one for granted. There isn't always a warning or time to say goodbye. You are prepared for heart attacks and car accidents, plane crashes and cancer, but no one is ever ready to have a loved one stolen from them this way. These are my extremely mournful and desperate words to everyone who loves anyone.

RIP My friend.



PS
I've been trying to thank some of you for your kind words, but the website keeps freezing on me and not loading profiles or blogs or my message box, so I've only been successful a few times. Please know that I appreciate what so many people have sent to me. The gun-wielding moron has been charged with multiple crimes and was caught by the police after a rather extended chase. My cousin's wife is recovering from multiple gunshot wounds but is expected to survive. My friends here have been amazing. Hard times always show you who are truly good people.

Xoxo
J.