i don't normally post duplicate blogs.... however, this one is just how i am today. so if you're reading this twice (here and myspace), i'm sorry. <3333

this morning driving to work, i fell in love with the sunlight. for some reason i had no desire to put on my sunglasses. but yet i didn't mind the glare.... it felt warm and bright and i welcomed it.



i was content to be just as i was. it was nice.



i'm still disappointed i didn't go to the wax on show on tuesday. i wanted to go. i miss those guys dearly. and i miss jeffie too. yet i couldn't swallow enough of my pride to just show up, even if i had no one to go with. but i couldn't allow myself to be seen alone, without a friend. i felt like all eyes would be on me and that being seen solo would tell a story. inaccurate or not, i just didn't want to be in that situation. and also, jeffie and i.... we talk and it seems like nothing changes. you fall into old patterns; same inside jokes, same everything. it's de ja vous all over again and i don't want that. i want his friendship, that's important to me... but it's like, there's this huge enormous thing that sits there, almost tangible, between us that's left unsaid. and i hate that feeling. why can't it just be normal? i miss my dear friend jeffie. <3



i'm going to see 300 tonite with my friend nick. he's just adorable. it's gonna be fun. hopefully i don't have a bad hair day... er... night.