PICS
Art has always been a sanctuary for me. I can't claim to be any good at creating it, but having any capacity for self expression is invaluable. Whenever the world outside is bleak and miserable, there's some kind of safe haven within.
When I was in middle school (maybe age 10 or 11), I started taping-pinning-gluing my collection to the wall. Little scraps of paper from my life. Little memories. The cartoonist style post-its from my brother. The origami flowers folded by the friend I've known since I was two. My own little doodles.
I finished messing with it sometime during high school. I'm not exactly sure when - during the times I was zombified by overmedication, my memories get a little hazy. But through all bullshit madness I endured or caused, doing this simple task gave me the space to sort myself out.
So all this time later I found myself staring at the remnants of whatever once was. It wasn't anything spectacular, but it had meant something back then. It was just a wall I splattered the pieces of my soul all over.
I settled on the idea of tearing it down mid-December.
I like the concept of temporary art. The sort that only remains in photographs after it's no longer present in the environment. The kind designed to deteriorate with time.
It was easy to take apart, piece by piece. I've come to a point in life where I favor change- sometimes drastic change- over the stability of a stagnant atmosphere.
These photos are all that remain of the pieces I created.
Every once in awhile I still doodle, though nothing I've seriously spent much time on. I have enough other interests with writing, sewing, photography, modeling, archery, etc... and trying desperately to narrow my focus.
The most recent doodle on the iPad
Pheed Me
Twitter
When I was in middle school (maybe age 10 or 11), I started taping-pinning-gluing my collection to the wall. Little scraps of paper from my life. Little memories. The cartoonist style post-its from my brother. The origami flowers folded by the friend I've known since I was two. My own little doodles.
I finished messing with it sometime during high school. I'm not exactly sure when - during the times I was zombified by overmedication, my memories get a little hazy. But through all bullshit madness I endured or caused, doing this simple task gave me the space to sort myself out.
So all this time later I found myself staring at the remnants of whatever once was. It wasn't anything spectacular, but it had meant something back then. It was just a wall I splattered the pieces of my soul all over.
I settled on the idea of tearing it down mid-December.
I like the concept of temporary art. The sort that only remains in photographs after it's no longer present in the environment. The kind designed to deteriorate with time.
It was easy to take apart, piece by piece. I've come to a point in life where I favor change- sometimes drastic change- over the stability of a stagnant atmosphere.
These photos are all that remain of the pieces I created.
Every once in awhile I still doodle, though nothing I've seriously spent much time on. I have enough other interests with writing, sewing, photography, modeling, archery, etc... and trying desperately to narrow my focus.
The most recent doodle on the iPad
Pheed Me
Edit: Feel free to follow me on my new Tumblr
Slowly putting together plans. Hoping to have some more photo shoots lined up before long. So much thought goes into the details. It's always exciting.
I've had the itch for some new ink lately. Thinking I want to add the Caduceus to my forearm. I have so many tattoos I want to get, but I really need to finish my sleeve first. I want this one just above my ankh. I haven't decided what I want to represent destruction on the other side. The whole sleeve is going to have this mythological good v. evil / life v. death theme; something to encompass duality.
Looking for a design something close to this but with a different artistic style. I haven't found an artist for it yet.
While I'm on the life v. death subject, this came across my twitter feed the other day: The Immortal Jellyfish.
The first time I'd ever heard of it was at an aquarium tour. We were able to go back and see some of their jellyfish breeding program where they raised little tiny specks into these:
So now I've been inspired to get a jellyfish tattoo. Any good ideas as to where I should put it?
Waiting impatiently to get my hair colored again. I'm half tempted to do it myself but it's such a pain in the ass to heat activate it all at home. I'm thinking something in purple/pink but it's hard to settle on exactly how I want to slice the colors.
I've also decided to grow my hair out again. I really hated it after I first cut it short and lifted the black out. Right now it's finally shoulder length again. They never seem to cut my hair the way I want it when I get it professionally done, so I picked up my sheers and cut/styled it myself. Long layers, some tapering, and a little fringe. It didn't turn out half bad. I'll post pictures once it's not a color I loathe
Adding this to my life's soundtrack:
And a little Heathen...
(P.S.) I was recently asked for a WishList and I figured I'd post it here for anyone else who wanted it
Slowly putting together plans. Hoping to have some more photo shoots lined up before long. So much thought goes into the details. It's always exciting.
I've had the itch for some new ink lately. Thinking I want to add the Caduceus to my forearm. I have so many tattoos I want to get, but I really need to finish my sleeve first. I want this one just above my ankh. I haven't decided what I want to represent destruction on the other side. The whole sleeve is going to have this mythological good v. evil / life v. death theme; something to encompass duality.
Looking for a design something close to this but with a different artistic style. I haven't found an artist for it yet.
While I'm on the life v. death subject, this came across my twitter feed the other day: The Immortal Jellyfish.
The first time I'd ever heard of it was at an aquarium tour. We were able to go back and see some of their jellyfish breeding program where they raised little tiny specks into these:
So now I've been inspired to get a jellyfish tattoo. Any good ideas as to where I should put it?
Waiting impatiently to get my hair colored again. I'm half tempted to do it myself but it's such a pain in the ass to heat activate it all at home. I'm thinking something in purple/pink but it's hard to settle on exactly how I want to slice the colors.
I've also decided to grow my hair out again. I really hated it after I first cut it short and lifted the black out. Right now it's finally shoulder length again. They never seem to cut my hair the way I want it when I get it professionally done, so I picked up my sheers and cut/styled it myself. Long layers, some tapering, and a little fringe. It didn't turn out half bad. I'll post pictures once it's not a color I loathe
Adding this to my life's soundtrack:
And a little Heathen...
(P.S.) I was recently asked for a WishList and I figured I'd post it here for anyone else who wanted it
The scars of my past are slowly fading and so long as I don’t shed too much light on them, they remain just ghostly.
Most of the time, to even press ‘post’ feels like too much illumination. Often I find myself editing and eliminating anything that might come too close to full exposure. Physical nudity is nothing like the nakedness of displaying the heart or the mind.
There are certain moments in my life… no… entire years of my life… just missing. All I have of those moments are tiny cryptic notes that were scribbled by shaking hands in an over-medicated state and the memories someone else had to tell me. Some agony is best left unknown to strangers and some best left forgotten even to one’s self.
Sometimes I wonder how different things would be… If instead of being constantly bent to fit someone else’s mold, I had someone there to accept me as I was and be supportive of my differences. If instead of being surrounded by those who sought to convince me that there was no place in this world for someone like me, they shuffled aside and made a little extra space. If the only people that had showed me compassion hadn’t been worlds away.
Then I realize it doesn’t really matter. And the reason why those things happened doesn’t really matter either. The source, once found, turned out to be completely irrelevant.
Everyone has a reason why you should follow in their footsteps instead of finding your own. Maybe because every path is treacherous, winding, and unknown. It’s so much easier if the path ahead is already clear cut, but I’ve always had the tendency to wander.
There’s always a scapegoat for every complaint, a reason not to take personal responsibility. But I find a strange comfort in knowing every mistake I’ve ever made has at least been my own. I like knowing I’ve fought my wars on the right battlefield where they needed to be waged. It helps me avoid that stagnant place where my evolution as a person might cease to continue. Reaching a plateau is as devastating to me as falling into any sort of decline.
I’m finally gaining some semblance of the stability and sanity I’ve strived so long for. The kind of thing a few short years ago I barely had the capacity to understand even existed. I still greet acts of kindness with a degree of uncertainty. I’m still not used to the thought of anyone being nice without a hidden agenda. But the cruel and manipulative people I once knew are long gone from my life and for the most part, even their names are forgotten. A reprieve from violence and hatred at long last.
I like to think I shy away from human contact less and less as time passes. I doubt if I’ll ever find the same liberation in socialization as I do in isolation.
I was immersed in darkness far too long. It’s become ingrained in my personality, an integral piece of my being that I’m not convinced I’d know how to function without. It’s source no longer external, but embedded deep within my core.
I’m always going to be off kilter, a tad bit morbid and strange. If anything, it’s offered me more opportunity to explore my own perspective - often through some artistic medium. I can’t claim I’ll ever accomplish anything grandiose, but I’ll settle for the experience of a life lived. It’s certainly better than the alternative.
Most of the time, to even press ‘post’ feels like too much illumination. Often I find myself editing and eliminating anything that might come too close to full exposure. Physical nudity is nothing like the nakedness of displaying the heart or the mind.
There are certain moments in my life… no… entire years of my life… just missing. All I have of those moments are tiny cryptic notes that were scribbled by shaking hands in an over-medicated state and the memories someone else had to tell me. Some agony is best left unknown to strangers and some best left forgotten even to one’s self.
Sometimes I wonder how different things would be… If instead of being constantly bent to fit someone else’s mold, I had someone there to accept me as I was and be supportive of my differences. If instead of being surrounded by those who sought to convince me that there was no place in this world for someone like me, they shuffled aside and made a little extra space. If the only people that had showed me compassion hadn’t been worlds away.
Then I realize it doesn’t really matter. And the reason why those things happened doesn’t really matter either. The source, once found, turned out to be completely irrelevant.
Everyone has a reason why you should follow in their footsteps instead of finding your own. Maybe because every path is treacherous, winding, and unknown. It’s so much easier if the path ahead is already clear cut, but I’ve always had the tendency to wander.
There’s always a scapegoat for every complaint, a reason not to take personal responsibility. But I find a strange comfort in knowing every mistake I’ve ever made has at least been my own. I like knowing I’ve fought my wars on the right battlefield where they needed to be waged. It helps me avoid that stagnant place where my evolution as a person might cease to continue. Reaching a plateau is as devastating to me as falling into any sort of decline.
I’m finally gaining some semblance of the stability and sanity I’ve strived so long for. The kind of thing a few short years ago I barely had the capacity to understand even existed. I still greet acts of kindness with a degree of uncertainty. I’m still not used to the thought of anyone being nice without a hidden agenda. But the cruel and manipulative people I once knew are long gone from my life and for the most part, even their names are forgotten. A reprieve from violence and hatred at long last.
I like to think I shy away from human contact less and less as time passes. I doubt if I’ll ever find the same liberation in socialization as I do in isolation.
I was immersed in darkness far too long. It’s become ingrained in my personality, an integral piece of my being that I’m not convinced I’d know how to function without. It’s source no longer external, but embedded deep within my core.
I’m always going to be off kilter, a tad bit morbid and strange. If anything, it’s offered me more opportunity to explore my own perspective - often through some artistic medium. I can’t claim I’ll ever accomplish anything grandiose, but I’ll settle for the experience of a life lived. It’s certainly better than the alternative.
It's been awhile since I've done a proper update so here goes.
I spent a lot of the warm weather days out at the archery range. More this year than most others, I think just because my father is finally getting back into it too. I took a few photos of some of the competition targets... which were interesting to say the least
The Yetti
And my personal favorite: The Graveyard Zombie
The River Croc... the summer drought left very little water behind. Where we stood was usually knee high or deeper.
This used to be the river dam.
Despite the loss of the river, it was still a lovely day.
I've also been spending a lot of time taking care of my saltwater aquarium. We recently downsized from a 90 gallon to a 40 gallon breeder. The shorter, wider dimensions just work much better to light the reef. In the 90g, a lot of the light from the T5HOs were lost before ever reaching the corals.
There's probably about 50 pounds of rockwork I assembled in there. I didn't use any pins to hold it, so each rock has been perfectly balanced within the flow of the current. There's also a ball of chaeto macroalgae growing in there to help filter the water.
I was on this really big all-natural kick with the tank for awhile. I used algaes, rockwork, sand, and a self-made refugium to filter the water. I also used a gravity pump to move the water so I used less electricity when it was operating. Basically, I only had to pay to keep the light on. I was also planning to create a top-off system that would suck the humidity from the air (like a dehumidifier) and deposit it into the tank when it required it. However, I couldn't quite work out a method to make it function when the air was too dry
Now that it's down to the 40 gallon, I don't have a proper place for the refugium so I'm back to using a normal filter. We'll see if I can work something else out. I really like the idea of trying to recreate a natural environment in an unnatural setting - go figure.
Here's some of the inhabitants:
An angry Toadstool coral (this was just after the move, so it's polyps aren't out and it's a sliming a bit).
A Pencil Urchin. One of my favorite non-tentacled sea critters. (They have really cool little calcium structures and leave a pretty neat skeleton when they die - which this guy won't hopefully for a VERY long time).
Beneath the crab shell (one my friend caught, ate, and sent me from Norway) is the spiky remains of an Urchin.
My tank is primarly a clown species tank. However, when they get older they may pair off. If they do that, I'll have to watch closely to make sure the female isn't trying to kill any of the non-paired clowns. Girl clownfish can be really bitchy. But right now they are all juvie males (they can change gender).
The majority of my fish have Captain names. Captain Ahab, Captain Nemo, Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Kirk, etc.
The tentacles of my serpent star can be seen reaching out in this picture. Once one of his limbs separated from his body and it stayed alive, severed and twitching (still even wrapping itself around food particles) for well over a month. I lost track of the limb, so I don't know how long it kept moving. The starfish grew a new limb in its place.
Aquaculture is really important to me. I refuse to buy any coral or fish that isn't specifically tank raised to prevent over-harvesting in the ocean. A lot of times they catch those fish using cyanide and other harmful means. That means your fish are less likely to survive too. I research and cross reference everything beforehand. I even harvest excess coral growth from my own tank which I can sell to keep the aquaculture cycle going. I love studying wild reefs and learning about their ecosystems. There are very few left that haven't been negatively impacted by human contact.
As for what else I've been up to...
Enjoying the Halloween season!
Watching lots of this...
My cat was being a dick so I stuck him in this Halloween devil sweater. Ha-ha! Sweet revenge.
My guy and I rented some Halloween flicks (you know I had a lot of Tim Burton and horror movies on the list!), then sat down to some pumpkin carving.
The paper with the pattern we wanted to use ripped, so I ended up freehanding the design onto the pumpkin with a marker... Not really as good as the original.
But it turned out okay with us both cutting it to pieces
And of course I had to pick out all the pumpkin seeds and bake them for a yummy snack!
Hope everyone finds some fun ways to enjoy this holiday. It's my favorite
(P.S.)
I spent a lot of the warm weather days out at the archery range. More this year than most others, I think just because my father is finally getting back into it too. I took a few photos of some of the competition targets... which were interesting to say the least
The Yetti
And my personal favorite: The Graveyard Zombie
The River Croc... the summer drought left very little water behind. Where we stood was usually knee high or deeper.
This used to be the river dam.
Despite the loss of the river, it was still a lovely day.
I've also been spending a lot of time taking care of my saltwater aquarium. We recently downsized from a 90 gallon to a 40 gallon breeder. The shorter, wider dimensions just work much better to light the reef. In the 90g, a lot of the light from the T5HOs were lost before ever reaching the corals.
There's probably about 50 pounds of rockwork I assembled in there. I didn't use any pins to hold it, so each rock has been perfectly balanced within the flow of the current. There's also a ball of chaeto macroalgae growing in there to help filter the water.
I was on this really big all-natural kick with the tank for awhile. I used algaes, rockwork, sand, and a self-made refugium to filter the water. I also used a gravity pump to move the water so I used less electricity when it was operating. Basically, I only had to pay to keep the light on. I was also planning to create a top-off system that would suck the humidity from the air (like a dehumidifier) and deposit it into the tank when it required it. However, I couldn't quite work out a method to make it function when the air was too dry
Now that it's down to the 40 gallon, I don't have a proper place for the refugium so I'm back to using a normal filter. We'll see if I can work something else out. I really like the idea of trying to recreate a natural environment in an unnatural setting - go figure.
Here's some of the inhabitants:
An angry Toadstool coral (this was just after the move, so it's polyps aren't out and it's a sliming a bit).
A Pencil Urchin. One of my favorite non-tentacled sea critters. (They have really cool little calcium structures and leave a pretty neat skeleton when they die - which this guy won't hopefully for a VERY long time).
Beneath the crab shell (one my friend caught, ate, and sent me from Norway) is the spiky remains of an Urchin.
My tank is primarly a clown species tank. However, when they get older they may pair off. If they do that, I'll have to watch closely to make sure the female isn't trying to kill any of the non-paired clowns. Girl clownfish can be really bitchy. But right now they are all juvie males (they can change gender).
The majority of my fish have Captain names. Captain Ahab, Captain Nemo, Captain Jack Sparrow, Captain Kirk, etc.
The tentacles of my serpent star can be seen reaching out in this picture. Once one of his limbs separated from his body and it stayed alive, severed and twitching (still even wrapping itself around food particles) for well over a month. I lost track of the limb, so I don't know how long it kept moving. The starfish grew a new limb in its place.
Aquaculture is really important to me. I refuse to buy any coral or fish that isn't specifically tank raised to prevent over-harvesting in the ocean. A lot of times they catch those fish using cyanide and other harmful means. That means your fish are less likely to survive too. I research and cross reference everything beforehand. I even harvest excess coral growth from my own tank which I can sell to keep the aquaculture cycle going. I love studying wild reefs and learning about their ecosystems. There are very few left that haven't been negatively impacted by human contact.
As for what else I've been up to...
Enjoying the Halloween season!
Watching lots of this...
My cat was being a dick so I stuck him in this Halloween devil sweater. Ha-ha! Sweet revenge.
My guy and I rented some Halloween flicks (you know I had a lot of Tim Burton and horror movies on the list!), then sat down to some pumpkin carving.
The paper with the pattern we wanted to use ripped, so I ended up freehanding the design onto the pumpkin with a marker... Not really as good as the original.
But it turned out okay with us both cutting it to pieces
And of course I had to pick out all the pumpkin seeds and bake them for a yummy snack!
Hope everyone finds some fun ways to enjoy this holiday. It's my favorite
(P.S.)
and...
