i heard about benni today.

i guess it's true that no news is good news, because, for a while there, i hadn't heard anything about anything going on around here.

i didn't know her, so i'll keep in simple, and just say rest in peace.

'i never really dreamed of heaven much
until we put him in the ground
but it's all i'm doing now
listening for patterns in the sound
of an endless static sea
but once the satellite's deceased
it blows like garbage through the streets
of the night sky to infinity
but don't you weep (don't you weep for them)
there is nothing as lucky
don't you weep
there is nothing as lucky, as easy, and free.'

i've been updating the entirety of my online presence with this bit of information.

so even though i'm never around, i thought maybe a select few people would be interested to know that i play keyboard (and sing back-up vocals) in a band now.



and, if you're so inclined, you can check us out here.

also, if you're so inclined to sneak and click around a little, i suppose you can figure out who i actually am, find out who my friends are, that i drink more than i should, that i cried at the end of twilight princess, and that i can't stand to hear the song 'another one bites the dust' by queen, because it happened to be playing in the dentist's office when i got three teeth pulled as a child.

so you can go looking, but i just gave away the best parts.

I don't have time for much anymore besides doing the hair of the ungrateful, having cocktails with the band, sex with the singer, and sleep.

My hair is blonde now. I miss it being black. Blonde hair is for the beach.

And I hate the beach.

I haven't updated in so long, but that's because I haven't been to the site in so long.

And I come back to find Olivia, other girls, and so many members gone. And some sort of a myspace beauty queen contest in progress. And there's another SG named Gwen.

Maybe I should just let her have it. (The name, that is.)



(I really have missed using that little face. It's always been my favorite.)

Being away from the site for a couple of days is disorienting. Being away from the site for a couple of months is much too much.

I think I'll dissappear again for now.

Direct all your love letters to my inbox. No marriage proposals as I am, in fact, betrothed to desidia. I'm still on the internet, just not so much in this little (or huge?) corner of it.

It'll never be 2003 around here again.

So this is the new year.

Two thousand and five started off terribly, and ended up amazingly.

This year is probably going to kick my ass, as cosmetology school is already doing, and we're not even out and working in the salon yet.

But as far as my relationship with the best boy in the entire world, I am right where I want to be.

And so, I'm happy.

Incredibly.

I gave up drinking soda, pop, coke (whatever you call it.) We'll see how long that lasts.

There is a new Doritos bag, so in a couple of years, I will be able to look for the now defunct one in movies. Although I really don't think they're advertising Doritos in movies as much now as they were in the early nineties.

These are the thoughts that run through my head.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes I've received already.

Now they're going to be all broken up onto two pages.

Oh well, I figured it was time for a new entry.

I'm starting cosmetology school in a month.

So many hot girls, and so many haircuts to learn.

It should be fun.

I'll keep you updated... you know, once or twice every couple of months.

I never update.

I would apologize, but instead I'll just post a scandalous picture of myself with the hottest girl I know.



If we were to go out on the town, we would break seventeen hearts a night between us.

Ten for her.

Seven for me.

So, I finally have a new profile picture.

I think I had the record for not changing my picture for the longest amount of time, because my last one was up for three years. I am excited not to have to look at my knees every time I check my profile.

I also shot a new set with my amazingly talented partner-in-crime xRedDan. I am more enthusiastic about this set than I was about either of my previous attempts.

Summer is finally here, and I couldn't be happier.

Now I just want to get in my car, pick up Dan (and his iPod) and drive out of the midwest and to the ocean. Windows open, music blaring, fast food stops and bathroom breaks at truck stops that have dirty video poker games and sell crystal unicorns to hang from your rearview mirror. Because the longer it's nice outside the more I think about our trip to Florida last year, and the first time I ever saw the ocean. Little schools of iridescent fish were biting our feet and I couldn't stop laughing.

I want to go back there so badly.

If there is anything better than playing Super Ghouls 'n' Ghosts on SNES while listening to Bright Eyes and eating day old pizza dipped in ranch dressing... well, I haven't found it.

I've been informed that I don't update my journal enough, so I'm going to ask various, more intriguing Suicide Girls to write my entries from now on. This week's guest writer is the oh-so-sexy Linz.

* * *

"I once met a legless man in an IHOP who was obsessed with A-Ha. I was sitting there with my boyfriend singing some A-Ha song from the radio and out of nowhere he's all, "You know who that is? That's the best band ever, A-Ha! I followed them around in the 80's." When we left we saw a car in the parking lot with a tag that said "A-Ha."

* * *

My life just got so much more interesting.

If you are a Suicide Girl, and you would like to write my next journal entry for an audience of approximately three readers, be sure and leave a comment below.

I could kick your ass even in a pair of mary janes featuring a broken heart... all without ripping my tights.



Or I might just sit here and listen to my iTunes playlist and think about how I wish things were different.

I haven't decided yet.

XoXo.
Gwendolyn.

Will this winter never end?