I am not, a fuckin emo

It is not funny to think, to see how things can change so fast.

I was feeling at my best a few hours ago, now I'm just turning mad crazy, because of so many things. It fucks me up to see how that work on myself I've done with so many specialized people to help me think a better way, and to now just crave, again, the silent blade...

You cannot have so much fun, and hurting so much feelings at the same time. I stupidly thought it was something possible, now I know I'm wrong.

It's my turn to suffer now.


I can't help it, I'm totally in need of this right now.

*there was a stupid picture of a stupid blade here*

Please someone, tell me I'm wrong, tell me everything will turn back to how it was a few hours ago. Tell me I will survive.

You cannot imagine what those eyes can see in so little time.

I'm so happy to be me.

Thanks to everyone who commented on my non-official new set...

I'm dedicating this entry to Softcell, a band I love a lot. Yeah.. Only for two songs, but they have been there in my life the moment I needed their lyrics so badly....

Tainted Love... Everybody could tell how much this song is important to them, and so do I... I discovered it in the moment I was actually feeling really similar stuff, and that song helped me hold my chin high, and feel ok with the decisions I've token...

And now, I'm always having their most recent hit: Together Alone in my head...
It fits so good the circunstances I'm living, plus the beat is totally heartbreaking... whatever, I love it, and sing it all the time...

Music is the soundtrack of our lives...

Ladies, Gentlemen....

You've waited very impatiently for those pictures, so here they are... Look at them all, cause there's a storyline yo !
click here for deliciously hot pictures.

I told you you would be surprised....

I had a lot of fun shooting this, and I'm pretty sure the photographer did too... Enjoy!

I'm right in the inbetween time, this is a good time for a new post.
After Christmas, before the new year.. That's a weird time of the year, don't you find?

Anyway.. You're probably all wondering if I had a great Christmas... Well, Yes, I have.
If you remember this entry, where I said that I didn't want to spend a penny on my gifts this year, I almost haven't! And I'm really proud of myself. I decided to make a huge bunch of truffles, which I could give to everyone I'd like to give a present to. So I did them, and put them into sweet boxes. (Actually, to find the boxes was the hardest part). Here's what it looked like:

I had 102 truffles in total:

(if you count them, you can see I ate two )

Here's a close up on the little boxes:


And a close up on a big box (for people I loved more, I assume ):


Other than that, I spent money on 3 person's gifts, and it was under 30$ each, so I'm pretty proud of my self...

I also received some really cool gifts , ohh yes I did !
I had made a little exposition of all of them, and took a picture, but I accidently deleted the pic, so you cannot see them... So I'll make a list, for you all to be jealous. It looks like I'm loved:

My mom gave me: 30$ for Ceramic Café (a place where you can paint your own ceramic stuff), lots of hairdressing accessories, some funky tights, a painting set, with paper, acrylic, brushes and other accessories, some drawing crayons, a really cute diary and some pot.
Vincent gave me: 4 blank plates I could paint at Ceramic Café (and it wasn't organized with my mom), plus the 2 dvds of Tool.
Mekzym gave me: A Little Apple Doll, a beautiful hand painted wood box, which was full of roses petals, filled with an Ipod Nano, a hand painted mask, a ring with onyx stones and a panty. ( ♥ )
Vincent's mom gave me a beautiful CK scarf.
Mekzym's mom gave me 75$ of gift certificate for Yves Rocher.
Mekzym's dad gave me a reading light and some chocolate.
My mom's friend gave me some Ice Cider and a check for a payment on my school fees.
My bosses gave me a Fruits & Passion shower kit, with Orange and Melon perfume.
My coworker drew me a really beautiful representation of the queen of spades.

And I think that's it. And it's more than enough. I feel overwhelmed by love and giving. People are so nice to me, cause this year is I think the only one I can say I loved everything I received. It feels good, cause it means people who gave me things really know me.

To conclude this huge entry, I'll finish by showing you what I looked like on Christmas Eve (and yes, I drunk myself out at the family party)




Have a good night, day, week all, and I'm curious: What's the present that touched you the most that you received this year?

It is so fucking good to feel understood.

I now need to find someone back...

Do you hear me?

Hey little girl... I've missed you a lot! We got a lot of stuff to get back on...

I told you I had pictures...

So well, this is a little preview, from Mekzym's images....

I can't wait to show you all the thing... You're gonna be surprised ...

Hello people...

I wish I could show you some pictures, 'cause some have been took, but I can't because I don't have them here... So you'll have to hear me talking about my fabulous life... Eh, that's how it is folks... As always, you'll have to be patient...

So.. I'm going through so many emotions these days. I'm glad to live them with intelligent and mature people, because it would be much more harsher if they weren't, but still, it's heavy.

Love is all over. That's something great. I can feel it at the base of my spine, it has been a long time. Carnivorius butterflies, love songs in the head, big smile on my face, the whole thing. Redescovering life. Simple pleasures.

You'll all say:'' but Ges, that's amazing!!'' Yeah, that's what I think too. But by this, I hurt someone a lot. Someone I also love, even if it is not the same way. And when he's unhappy, it makes me unhappy too. So I'm overwhelmed with feelings, good or bad, depending on where I am...

I just wish time will take care of this, cause I can't anymore.

♥

You know what?

Tomorrow is Sunday!

I'm excited!