SuicideGirl: Franpire
suicidegirl

Franpire ॐ Is loving life's little surprises ॐ

I’m private
 
JULY 18, 2008 @ 04:04 AM

Last night I translated it into sex.
This morning I realize I'm just lonely. I've been living of a dream with J for 2 years. For 2 years there was virtually no relationship worth mentioning. Just the "stand by your man" thing in my head and a feeling of deep commitment, hope and love. Now that's gone I feel empty. And so SO scared to be hurt. So scared to start something new even though not starting up something new and daring to open up means choosing to be alone. I've been in a continuous line of relationships since I was 18, now I'm 31. I need to be able to give love, it feeds my self worth.
I can be physically alone. These last 2 years have proven that. Actually I have been pretty much mentally alone too. Except for above mentioned hope and commitment. Now it just all feels lost and alone. And I must say, the hours of time spent on the internet every day isn't helping. I am going to need to take a break from here. From SG soon. Get into real life again. Meet people. Or just stay home without this distraction. Get to know me again. Fran. Not this Franpire. Now read properly people, I won't be archiving myself, just taking a short break Or maybe just blogging less for a while. Sometime in the not to distant future. I think.

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Comments
S_PAM

S_PAM

Afghanistan
April 2008

JUL 18, 2008 04:27 AM

Hey frannie, ga jij heel heel erg rustig aan doen!! Goed op jezelf letten enzo. Geen gekke of rare dingen doen. Er zullen vast veel mensen gaan roepen dat je moet blijven en blah blah. Vertrouw op je eigen gevoel!!

Vind je goed dat ik je vanavond een mail ga sturen

Hou je taai wijffie!!!!!

Pammie blijft aan je denken, wel of geen SG!

x0x

grayness

grayness

Newberry, SC
January 2006

JUL 18, 2008 05:02 AM

You will be very (very) much missed, of course.

But also, you need to do what is best for you, and what will keep you happy and well.

love

pmonkeyEsquire

pmonkeyEsquire

Detroit, MI
May 2004

JUL 18, 2008 05:37 AM

I'm on an SG break too. I think most of us create an SG persona, I know I do. It's good to get back to nature, relationships, or just being alone. biggrin biggrin smile

droopy99

droopy99

Atlanta, GA
February 2008

JUL 18, 2008 06:31 AM

Everyone needs some time to themselves every once and a while. Sometimes a day, sometimes 6 months. Whatever time you need to take, take it all. Don't let anyone cut it short for you. You'll be happier for it

jeffyjr

jeffyjr

Wheeler Army Airfield, HI
December 2007

JUL 18, 2008 06:45 AM

I was on a break from here. Actually I've taken breaks from afew things then got back doing and felt refreshed. So take as much time as you want.And when you get back from wherever or whatever I'll give you loads of *HUGS*.

Moira

Moira

SUICIDEGIRL

United Kingdom

JUL 18, 2008 06:50 AM

All you're saying is completely understandable, sometimes you need a break from the online world in order to find back to your real self. All the best lovely. xx.

kaosmaker666

kaosmaker666

Batesville, AR
April 2006

JUL 18, 2008 06:59 AM

I get a break every week from the internet since I am only home 2 or 3 days a week. I don't blame you in wanting to get away from this "Time Machine"!!! I call it that because after you get on.......the next thing you know it is 5 am and you missed missed a whole day!!! wink Take a break from this virtual world, but just remember that is may be virtual.......but it does bring good people together!!! biggrin

kiss kiss

Martijn

Martijn

Netherlands
July 2007

JUL 18, 2008 07:52 AM

Ik zou je hier wel best missen, maargoed... Je moet doen wat je zelf voelt smile Ik vind het alleen altijd zo apart dat mensen internet en leven zo scheiden... Niet dat ik het verschil niet zie maar ik haal uit m'n uurtjes internet heel andere dingen dan de real-life momenten met m'n vrienden. Beiden vind ik belangrijk eigenlijk. Ook geeft SG (of beter gezegd; de mensen hier) best af en toe ondersteuning.

Als je de twee emotioneel door elkaar gaat gooien, SG en RealLife, dan word het inderdaad tijd om het roer een beetje om te gooien. Ik merk ook dat ik "afhankelijker" word van i-net als ik zelf depressief ben. En depressiviteit kan je een beetje oplossen door onder de mensen te zijn, maar heeft vaak een diepere oorzaak. Zoals het gebrek aan een knuffel (een echte, geen cyber-hug)... Want inderdaad Frannie, sex is een bijkomend voordeel, maar niet het doel toch?

Je bent altijd welkom om een keer in Den Haag te komen hangen btw. Trouwens, moet je niet gewoon even op vakantie?

Anyway, wat ik eigenlijk kwam zeggen; ik ben trots op je beatmixing skills biggrin go frannie go! kiss

Edit:
Ik hoeste vanochtend bijna m'n broodje tegen het scherm toen ik je profielzin las biggrin

Tattoo_Fatoe

Tattoo_Fatoe

Netherlands
July 2007

JUL 18, 2008 08:42 AM

Doe jij nou maar gewoon lekker wat je moet doen meid, en waar je je goed bij voelt.
Ik zal je best gaan missen hier, maar real life is ALTIJD het belangrijkste.
Ik ga je nu even mailen. kiss

Frankus_Suicide

Frankus_Suicide

Tolleson, AZ
March 2007

JUL 18, 2008 09:09 AM

Well you will be missed thats for sure, not that you're gone yet. But your break sounds eminent. That's an issue that a lot of my lady friends have been dealing with, almost everyone of them. They haven't been single for a long portion of their time and if they go over a month they immediately get a boyfriend. Thus never being able to be single. Anyway, keep in touch. You're in my thoughts

Ferretbite

Ferretbite

Mexico
September 2006

JUL 18, 2008 09:50 AM

No, not as in "absolutely uninterested" and running away from it like Tom Cruise does, but I really don't miss it, much less crave it. And the video looks real to me, though at first I was like "no way" too.

Good luck with your self discovery quest thing, too.

CaptainVonPink

CaptainVonPink

Glens Falls, NY
October 2006

JUL 18, 2008 10:58 AM

well take care of yourself.
wish ya the best of luck one your break

Elvira

Elvira

SUICIDEGIRL

I'm lost

JUL 18, 2008 11:40 AM

i think after you had relationships one after another it is time to find yourself and get freedom of heart and soul and go deep inside of you. only if you feel love in your heart and truly you will be able to give and recieve, doesnt matter if its a relationship or not...just love....

i hug you deep lady smile

DevilsReject

DevilsReject

Cleveland, OH
February 2007

JUL 18, 2008 01:33 PM

you do what you need to do for you. I wish there was a way that you and i could communicate outside of SG, you really are an interesting and wonderful person. It isn't fair what you had to go through. I am pretty much in the same boat as you. My fears and past experiences have just about burned me out on relationships. I have technically been single for the last three years, i know who i am, but i really don't miss the stresses of a relationship and have little desire to be in one right now. Unfortunately i don't think that is going to change any time soon.

If you want i can send you my e-mail address and phone number in case you need an ear to listen, it wouldn't be cheap by any means, but i would listen.

Frankus_Suicide

Frankus_Suicide

Tolleson, AZ
March 2007

JUL 18, 2008 04:38 PM

I miss you already. Every time I get a message from you I want another tongue

Well definitely go do what's good for you. I'll be here, never worry about that biggrin

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