PICS
For details, go back one entry.
For more accounts of satisfied customers, check out:
AceTracer
Drew696
BetweentheSounds
Now to respond to a late night coffee and cigarettes date request from the wife!
I am pleased as punch to announce the return of my custom throw pillows!
Unfortunately, this is the only one I have a picture of, but it gives a basic idea of what I do:
The cost is $30 for one pillow, including shipping and handling. I accept Paypal and concealed cash.
Images:
Your pillow may have any image on it you can possibly think of, as long as you can link me to a decent resolution/size copy of the picture. For a reduced fee (depending on materials), I can make blank pillows to match any requested color scheme. For $40, I will make your pillow double sided (one image on each side).
Style:
I can incorporate 2 requested colors in your pillow. If no color requests are made, I will match the picture however I think looks best, usually using a black background. Typically, pillows will have a ruffle adorning the edge. For additional material fees, I can cater to very specific material and color requests (i.e. pink lace for the ruffle, red velvet for the pillow body, etc.)
If interested, email me with the picture/s you would like, as well as any other preferences or requests.
Please feel free to email me with any questions!
(Comments will take longer to reply to.)
In other news, I'm going to be 20 years old in one month and one day. Fucking weeeeeeeeird. I think it's closer to the 15th anniversary of my 5th birthday. I may have boobs, but I spent four dollars today on a pint of ice cream just because it had fudge dinosaurs in it (thank you Ben and Jerry's). Anyway I'm not anticipating anything as intense as my 18th birthday pre-life crisis (which mostly consistesd of about 5 minutes of staring out into space, followed by a Keanu Reeves-esque "whoa") but it is weird to think I won't be a teenager anymore. When you're a teenager and you do something stupid people say, "oh, they're just being a teenager." Once you don't have that excuse anymore, people say, "oh, they're just being a dick."
OH WELL CHICKEN BELL
My jeans are covered in fish slime, and luckily it happens that GETS HIM OFF.
(Did I mention that, at camping, I caught 4 fish with a fishing pole made by Mle out of a stick, then, with JermHawk's assistance and instruction, gutted, cleaned, scaled, and cooked them? I think I did already mention it, because the joke I was about to make about not needing any help with eating them sounds familiar. I'm too lazy to check. I DON'T CARE CHICKEN BEAR.
Check out my badass casting skills::
There are so many great pictures of people from this trip, I want to post them all, while hugging each of the subjects. But I can't. So I'm just going to post ones of me while hugging myself. Because I'm a self-centered prick God.
SO the other day minimalism909 and I spotted the new Starburst smoothie soda thing and decided try it, since we both love Starburst. Unfortunately, it was a nauseating NutraSweet-tasting death nectar from the bowels of Mars. Enraged and bored, I wrote a long, humorously overblown letter detailing our trip to Sam's Club, our excitement at discovering the product, and our dismay at its disgustosity to the address of the bottling plant, requesting it be forwarded to the party responsible for assaulting my tastebuds. It was full of wordy rage and grossly extended metaphors, but really I was just hoping they'd send me free candy. I wish I had saved a copy of it to post as it was a thing of beauty, but those who are familiar with my writing style when I'm on a roll and/or angry about food will be able to imagine what it was like. I included my email address, and here's the response I received today:
Ms. Church,
First and foremost, you have a wonderful talent at telling a story, and I must admit that I thoroughly enjoyed your letter. Thanks.
However, I am sorry to hear of your disappointment in the product. We are the manufacturer of the product, which is licensed and controlled, as you know, by M&M Mars. This is the flavor profile they were targeting for. I'm wishing they could have found more aficionados like you while developing the product. Perhaps it might have been closer to the 'real deal' J
Like you, I love Jolly Rancher candies, and have yet to find a Jolly Rancher product that came anywhere close to the candy flavor. They are all doomed to pass, in my mind, anyway.
I will give the R&D group at Mars your valuable feedback. Maybe we will meet your expectations some day. Thanks again for making my day with your excellent writing skills, oh year, and for contacting us with your opinion.
Please feel free to contact me at any time.
Best Regards,
Mark
Mark Trail, Ph.D.
Director, Quality Assurance
Jasper Products, LLC.
3877 E. 27th Street
Joplin, MO 64804
(417) 208-1325
Highlights:
1. The phrasing in the last paragraph in which he thanks me for making his day, then goes on to correct himself (with an "oh") that it was in fact his year that was made.
2. His encouragement for me to "feel free to contact him at anytime."
3. The fact that the man is a Ph.D.
I don't know why I find that last part so funny. I guess it's the fact that I wrote a ranting letter about shitty soda to a stranger with a doctorate.
Oh, and the candy in question was Starburst, NOT Jolly Ranchers. He got it right in the email subject line (more or less..."Starbust") but wrong in the email. Weird. Jolly Rancher soda would be the shit, though.
unfound return countdown:
117 days!!!
Thanks to minimalism909 and derceto for mad planning and execution skills.
Thanks to SteveNeurotic and southernbelle for the award-winning greeting/parking/bucket-hat-wearing/etc service.
Thanks to Mylf for invaluable assistance and Pip for being a worthy Bad Joke adversary.
Thanks to Stiles for carting all the leftover, unopened food to a homeless shelter. Such a brilliant idea.
Thanks to halfjack for eerily well-timed light provision.
Tom will doubtlessly remember to thank all the people I've doubtlessly forgotten. I'm still exhausted and pleasantly overwhelmed. Well, maybe not quite overwhelmed. But thoroughly whelmed nonetheless.
Philly next weekend, Boston the weekend after that. Whoo fucking hoo.
FYI, I've completed all of the pillows for every single person I owe pillows too, the problem at the moment is that I don't have the money to mail them all, so I'm having to mail them one at a time as I get the money to do so. They also cost more to ship than I had anticipated
But yeah...they will get to you! Hooray!And thank you to everyone who caught me up a little bit on their lives in my last journal entry! I'm still pretty internet-absent, so please please please continue doing so! I may not respond, but I assure you I am eager to read. The request stands: keep me updated on everything big and anything small in your life.
PS - I can't wait to see camping pictures!!!
PPS - I am oh-so-mysterious, and clearly far too cool for school. Not to mention canceriffic.
PPSS - (yeah, I said "post post script script"...you wanna fight about it?)
I wish they made this in my size:
unfound return countdown!
123 days!!!
I'm offically moved in with Tom for the summer, and I can say, without question, I've rarely been happier. If we discount food-related bliss, I'll even maybe kinda sorta venture a never. So uh, whoo hoo, googly love eyes, and some of that other girl crap. New Jersey ain't half bad. It beats the hell out of Virginia Beach in the summer, that's for sure.
In the meantime however, his computer is kinda slow so I'll probably still be somewhat absent for now. I swear I'm going to get responses out to my comments eventually, but I think I'm in far too deep to ever catch up with all the friends' journal entries I've missed, so I leave to all of you - friends, enemies, buddies, pals, accquaintances, confidants, stalkers, and stalkees - the responsibilities of catching me up. I really want to know what's going on in all your lives. Tell me everything big or anything small that's gone on with you in the past month or so.
IMPORTANT!!!
I am finally wrapping up all the pillows that I need to send out to to people. If I still owe you a pillow, please leave me a comment and/or send me an email just in case I've lost track of you. Odds are, I'm working on yours, but I just want to make sure no one falls through the cracks. Je suis le plus scatterbrained quelquetemps.
Oh, and for those who missed it when I began and have subsequently expressed confusion at my consistent journal entry punctuation of a bald man and a number, it's my countdown until my best buddy unfound returns from the wild blue yonder of Navy duty in Europe.
Speaking of which...
148 days!
Here's a run down of the past week:
(I was designated driver for all international prom transportation...the mommobile put on some serious mileage
)June 1: drove with mom from Vermont to Virginia (done with school!)...stopped in New Jersey for dinner with minimalism909 (he got to meet my mom, ha ha)...got home around 3am.
June 2: Carmen got to my house around 2pm and we took off for New Jersey.
June 3: Mle and NewYorkMatt came over early and we took off around 9am for Canadia. Met up that night with SteveNeurotic and southernbelle, brief house party at Scandaleux's, crashed at the hotel.
June 4: Sushi dinner, prom, stayed at Lucy's, car was towed.
June 5:Left for New Jersey much later than desired as had to deal with car being towed (briefly believed stolen). I honestly passed out within 10 minutes of parking the car outside Tom's house. I don't know how I survived the Turnpike...somehow my body knew it had to keep it together and did...
June 6: Took off for VA around 10am, got in around 4pm, Carmen left for home and I PASSED THE FUCK OUT.
So yeah. I'm finally on the internet again, but it's on my mom's shit computer so don't count on much more from me. I can't even post pictures for now cuz I can't even get at them myself
Check out the journal of anyone mentioned above for pictures + more prom details. I've given it my best shot. Bleh.160 days!
PS - I actually had this really realistic unfound-inspired dream last night that I took a semester off from school to join the Navy. Ha.
I chose: The Dismemberment Plan
1. Are you male or female? Girl O'Clock
2. How old are you? 8 1/2 Minutes
3. Describe yourself: Time Bomb
4. How do some people feel about you? Manipulate Me
5. How do you feel about yourself? A Life of Possibilities
6. Describe your ex: Respect is Due
7. Describe your views on crushes: The Jitters
8. Describe what you want: Superpowers
9. Describe how you live: Do the Standing Still
10. Describe how you love: Tonight We Mean It
11. Share a few words of wisdom: What Do You Want Me to Say?
And now, for you weirdos who seem to care, here's my Intro to Drawing final project. The assignment was a creative self-portrait...it could be just about anything, for exampmle, a collection of objects that you feel define you, as long as it was not entirely abstract. But she encouraged us to be creative. So yeah. But first, some disclaimers!
1. I spent about 6 hours just on the part that's a drawing of me. And I'm still not totally satisfied with how it came out. But it is the biggest and only really effort-heavy drawing of myself that I've ever done. And I do like it.
2. I spent about 2 hours just on the tiny faces of the people on the statue, and I still couldn't even come close to getting it to look decent, and it was about 7:30am and I had class at 8am, and I was forced to give up. I may go back and try to give them faces again if I ever feel like ripping my hair out by the roots some more.
3. I have copied the SG logo pretty much dead on before. Yet, for some reason, I spent a solid hour drawing, erasing, drawing, erasing, drawing, etc. and could not for the life of me get it not to SUCK. So I eventually just tried to make up my own simplified version, which I also fucked up horribly (mostly because I went at it just with Sharpie and didn't draw it in pencil first). So that's what's going on there. I am fully aware that it is utterly hideous. I had to let it go.
Um, I guess that's all. I had to shrink this quite a bit to make it fit in my journal, check out my pics for a bigger version:
I'm particularly proud of making the 'a' and the 'o' of my scar look nice and puffy:
And here's a close-up of the logos, except for the horribly mangled SG one
The text is song lyrics that define love for me. The top row is pain, the bottom row beauty. They read as follows:
I'm trying to understand myself and pinpoint where I am, by the time I get things figured out, I've changed the whole amn plan...I've changed my mind so much I can't even trust it, my mind changed me so much I can't even trust myself...well I, I am a time bomb, and I, I lay forgotten at the bottom of your heart, I'm fine, ticking away the hours to blow your world apart. I, I am a poison, and I, I am still oursing through your bloodstream like a ghost, like wine gathering vintage for the day I hurt the most...And you could have it all, my empire of dirt, I will let you down, I will make you hurt...You said it's dangerous to be so intimate, you know it's dangerous, dangerous, dangerous...But now we speak with ruined tongues, and the words we say aren't meant for anyone...No one means what they say, and you can tell as clear as deep sea fish, all internal organs and glowing eyes...And I said you can't make everybody happy, he said you'd like to at least make yourself happy though...I'm not sure who I am, I'm not sure who I am, but I know who I've been...How strange it is to be anything at all.
What a beautiful face I have found in this place that is circling all round the sun, what a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a wink of an eye and be gone from me, soft and sweet, let me hold it close and keep it here with me...On the way to god don't know, my brain's the burger and my heart's the coal...I'm on my way to god don't know or even care, my brain's the weak heart and my heart's the long stairs...But your lips when we speak are the valleys and peaks of a mountain range on fire, so let me walk these coals til you believe I can cut the mustard well enough, cause you know as soon as breathe we scrutinize...There are angels in your angles, there's a low moon caught in your tangles...I want to take you far from the cynics in this town and kiss you on the mouth...Kiss me just like a bee sting...Place your body here, let your skin begin to meld itself with mine...Breathe in, exhale, you know you taste like cancer...Your skin makes me cry...How strange it is to be anything at all.
So there you have it...me in a nutshell!
(...like you didn't already know I was a nut
)PS - I just finished my 5 page psych paper! All I have to do is pack and perform 4 scenes (one written by me and 3 by my classmates) in Japanese class tomorrow and I'm all done for the term!
Upon completion of all my responsibilities, this awaits me!:
Yes, beer is lovely and so forth, but of course I'm most excited about finishing off that BUTTER!
(Have I gushed much about butter in this journal? I can't really recall. Let it just be known that I am an extremely greasy individual who is not likely to live past 30.)
168 days!
Today is slightly less great. But oh well.
Some of you will understand.
(Aren't I just a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma today?)
unfound called me yesterday from Spain! It was awesome.
170 days!
School is keeping me really busy right now, hence my relative absence. I've been trying to keep up with comments, but miss having time to read people's journals...but hey, at least I'm managing to prioritize!
I finished my calligraphy final project, doing water colors on rice paper was much trickier than I thought it would be. Oh well, it gets the Official Fenchurch Seal of Damn Good Enough:
My drawing final project is coming along well, aside from the fact that it's due on Thursday (aaaahhhh, etc.) The piece of paper we have to do it on is fucking MASSIVE. It's so awkward to draw on. So anyway I still have about 3/5 of it to finish, but this part came out all right:
(progression, whoo!)
Hershey Park last weekend was fucking awesome. Muchos gracias to SteveNeurotic for setting the whole thing up.
The highlights of the day:
At some point during my spastic schoolworkings, I found the time for a frosty cold beer!
Clearly, I am very excited.
Equally clear, I must have been more drunk than I remember being, because I absolutely do not recall this picture, in which I am roaring with joy at my beer, a la post-haircut Isadora:
And speaking of my very bestest buddies the unstoppable VA SG duo of doom, here, by popular demand, are the Star Wars sandals given to me by the awesomest Payless employee who ever awesomed, Antimony:
(not apparent in picture: Light saber does in fact appear to emerge from Vader's wang. Yes, yes, it's all very Spaceballs.)
We finished shooting for the lovely humberthumbert's latest indie blockbuster, Goth Squad!
I play the easily-excitable and some what slow but well-meaning Linoleum. Rumors that the character is based on me are vicious, hurtful, and in no way easily confirmed by offering me food and/or telling me a knock knock joke.
Given my lack of experience, it took me way too long to do my hair:
I was excessively pleased with myself afterwards:
And, as this is one of the only times you will EVER see me in make up (eyeliner + lipstick, the last incidence of which was shooting my currently waiting to be queued set over the summer), here's a few more for the road:
I still find time to wrap the ol' right arm around my good buddy TheRedBaron though. Go wish him luck on his end of term workload!
Here are a few very delayed pictures from unfound's goodbye party...I was going to make a farewell issue of the Fenchurch Fanciful Folio, but I ran out of time. Here's the few that I did make:
(ooh, Mean Girls reference on the sly!)
All right, now that I've unleashed my motivationless vengeance upon the world of dial-up users, I'm out.
175 days!
PS - Read my thread!
If you've always thought to yourself: "Gee, I sure do love overplayed lesbian jokes, oral sex, and skull-fucking...if only there was some place where I could find all three!"......this is the thread for you!
I wore my light up Darth Vader sandals and everything!!!
We left at 8:30pm to catch the 9:30pm showing...at dinner (around 6pm) I was freaking out and too excited to know what to do with myself for the next 2 hours, so I totally talked my friend Ian into driving to the video store so we could rent/watch Episode II right before. Then straight off to III. Then we came back and watched IV. So many little parts of it were fucking heartbreaking on the heels of the other. Then I fell asleep about 1/3 through. Sad, I know. I was just exhausted from all the AWESOME.
I wish I had time to expostulate further, but I do not. Later, I hope.
SO GOOD
Rejected set:
Shot in August of 2004 by TheRedBaron.
American Booty
Thumbnails:
(Not linked)
Still excited about weekend schedule:
180 days!
It was shot in August of 2004 by TheRedBaron.
American Booty
Thumbnails:
(Not linked)
The SG logo/copyright info in the pictures is blacked out because I wanted to retain ownership of the pictures, in case anyone wondered.
I get to go on ROLLER COASTERS this Saturday!!
And I get to make out TOMORROW (Friday)!
And I get to shoot the climactic prom scene of humberthumbert's latest ball blockbuster on Sunday!
What could be greater than playing a game of golf with a gator?
My life.
181 days!
