PICS
gender: SG
age: 32 (Jan 01, 1980)
occupation: Superhero by day, supervillain by night. It's the worlds most perfect scam.
sign: Capricorn
stats: 70 cc's - STAT! Har har har...
i lost my virginity: Yes. Yes I did.
heroes: Thomas. Don't ask.
fantasy: See "What Gets Me Hot".
most humbling moment: Returning home after last years Download festival and realising I hadn't done anything fantastically filthy with Stormy. Fit of sulks.
makes me happy: Taking a tiny little feather and letting a dog sniff it so it gets stuck on its wet nose and goes berserk. Also, putting a sock on a cats head. Let no-one tell you animal cruelty isn't hilarious.
gets me hot: I have about every fetish going. Wrap me up in a big eyed hentai character parcel and tentacle me.
crush: I once had someone compare fighting me to fucking me. It was a compliment. Believe similar and my crush'll be you.
makes me sad: A lack of seratonin in my brain. Also, a lack of vodka in my coke.
I read today what has to be one of the most blisteringly stupid columns to appear in a major newspaper ever. It wasn't even relegated to something like the Daily Mail. It was in The Times! Near the front! It wasn't at the actual front, thank various gods, because if it had been I would have found myself...er...affronted.
The article itself was to do with gay couples. Apparently they are always portraid as "unhappy, promiscuous and camp". I just started spluttering with a mixture of rage and amusement at that line. Particularly as it was written by the straightest looking woman in the world who wasn't Margaret Thatcher.
EVERYBODY IS UNHAPPY, PROMISCUOUS AND CAMP!
...except apparently that particular journalist.
Unhappy: We are always unhappy with something. Whether it's because we had a bad nights sleep, our day at work left us with yet more to do, or because the cat did its business on the carpet two minutes before you had to run for the bus. It doesn't take a lot. Tell someone they look fat and you'll ruin their day.
Promiscuous: Humans, dolphins and a certain species of monkey are very promiscuous. If you've ever had a dog enthusiasticly humping your leg for no apparent purpose beyond the sheer joy of doing so then you get where this is going. Every human being for the whole of their natural lives will look at another human being passing by on the street and at least mentally go, "PHOAR!" If you're single you may do something about it, and even if you aren't you might give it a go anyway.
Camp: Everybody is camp. It doesn't take being a guy in a tight shirt with a pink sarong over his designer jeans jumping up and down fanning his hands wildly squealing, "OH MY GOD I GOT A HAIRCUT!" to be camp. Certainly no more than it takes dungarees and a prison haircut to be a lesbian. I'm bi, and I know a fairly impressive amount...
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