PICS
A lot of natural beauty, new beauties, and downright beautiful
This year I:
-Quit smoking
-Stopped getting drunk
-Smoked marijuana regularly
-Quit my job and enrolled back in school
-Started a business with my friend called "Sugar Junkies Cupcakes"
-Took care of Cancer Mom
-Got more tattoos
-Did not fight with anybody
-Went traveling to Ohio for the first time to meet awesome people
Next year I plan on
-Incorporate a juice concoction as at least one meal a day
-Get off one medication (Pristiq)
-Finish school and have a couple grand saved
-Build my business
A lot of hardcore positive things happened and one hardcore cancer. This coming year is going to be about health, strength, and more positivity. Happy New Years!
In My Place in member review
I was on the Sg Blog helping you make cupcakes
That scarf is made by the lovely Quinne. Thank you again, I practically sleep with it.
Hanging out with my mom still for her third chemo. If you've been following #ninjacancerslayer on instagram, you've been following our journey through the whole thing via pictures. Thank you everyone for the support. We both read the comments every day and it really lifts out spirits up if their down. I'm really happy for all the attention my mother gets, because she loves it oh-so much haha.
Also, i love to be reminded of this picture for flash back friday:
That was me in high school at 202. I quit hard drugs, started working out 3 hours a day every day with cardio, and ate salads basically. I'll be uploaded a short video if I can figure this out while high...
I leave you with the best picture ever
And one more thing! Thank you everyone for the amazing comments on my set, it's almost at 1000 comments. It would be REALLY awesome if it went up
Chemo 3 is done!
This whole cancer thing is almost finished. It's weird to see that we got through it, and it feels like it was just the two of us in the world. I'm not even the one who had cancer, or a double masectomy. She has to live with the physical and mental scars that I have witnessed only through a daughters eyes. If there's one thing I can take from this whole journey, it would be: please visit and don't be scared. Why are people scared of cancer when we try to smile for them? We become these strong warriors for the public yet it is only seen through glimpses of photos and 5 minute hellos. My mother is lonely and it breaks my heart because I am only one person. I try to do the most for her but it never seems enough. I know she'll get through it, but the lack of support on our family and friends end is unbelievable. I'll always remember to give the attention people crave and lack when feeling down. That's what I bring to the table.
School is approaching, my money is dwindling down, christmas and new years will pass. Heres a photo of me on the toilet.
Also
And
Let's get this to 1000 comments and 98%
I worked my first farmers market this weekend and sold most of my product. It was a great experience and everyone loved them. In between sells, I was lurking suicidegirls to see how this was doing:
I super pleased with the feedback and how its doing overall. If you haven't seen it, check it out here. It would be amazing if I saw it on the front page. Last time my set went live the whole site was down for 2 days. It would be nice to get the recognition, especially since Dwam did such a lovely job.
Aside from that...
(I got a new tattoo. Peace, love, and butterflies)
Next time, I'll write something meaningful.
Arrest my soul
Give me hunger to feel control
Cancer.
Life.
My life has become extremely mundane. After quitting my job, although i found a weight off my shoulders, it brought back the fear of "what am i going to do now?". As I'm registering to go back to school and transfer, I really don't know what the next step is. I take it with a grain of salt, because I know that whatever happens will happen and that by planning my future it brings chaos and dissapointment. I hate not making my own money, or at least not enough to provide for myself. Everyones excited for me to go back to school, and I still can't figure out why. Oh well, we'll see what happens. If anyone wants to throw an opportunity my way, let me know.
Luckily I'll be seeing a bunch of girls in February, as I planned my money ahead for this. Las Vegas will be cheaper than expected since I don't drink, and maybe some photoshoots that will pay for the gas. Yeah, maybe.
December 7th I think is the new date for this baby to come out:
And, I think we need to direct ourselves to all the great ladies that are in member review. I know it's exciting to see hopefuls become pink, but what is the point if they never accept a photoshoot from them again?
Thats it for now, I hope everyones having a really good day.
I tend to over-evaluate my life a lot, especially as the years grow. I saw something along the lines on Shotgun's instagram that said, "If you want to know about someones fears, look at the pictures they take". Something like that. What are your fears? I started to look through mine and it's obvious, as for many women who are in front of the camera or under a lens with people to judge. I take pictures of myself to possible see what other people see, some sort of explanation or answer to who I really am. I try to show everyone pain in my eyes, wisdom in my smile, love in my heart with the photos we stick in member review.
Oh and I lied, apparently I thought thanksgiving was the 25th, but its the 22nd. My set goes up on the 25th. Here's another picture for you to tide you over
*edit* it's December 7th now.
I did a baby shower order by myself yesterday:
I'll be doing a lot of cupcakes orders (hopefully) because I quit my job.
I just couldn't take it anymore. The benefits were amazing; I could call in sick WHENEVER i wanted, get all days off no matter the circumstance, and my aunt was my boss. She understood mental health days and having to leave early. She paid me well and I worked full time. However, there are too many dark sides to that field that I do not want to be a part of. There's a bitter resentment people tend to grow, and an abusive personality that I never wanted to have. I don't have that evil inside me and that environment grows like fungi. My family is understanding and loving but they are also manipulative and selfish. I don't want that part of me to grow when I'm older.
So, I have to go back to school. Apparently I'm only a few credits away from getting my Bachelors so im going to be REALLY poor. Thankfully my mother is a college counselor and believes in the fundementals of education. Since I'll be driving hours to my transfer school in Arizona, she will be paying for my gas. Speaking of her...
What else is there to say? Oh! I'll be going to Las Vegas in February to shoot some more sets and get some must needed hanging out. Getting my side piece filled in Monday. Hope all is well on your end.
PEGOMASTAX AFRICANUS
I went to my first tattoo convention. I know, funny right? I've never been to one. It was just a small one in my hometown, but it was the first annual so I figured I would give them my money in hopes they would continue doing stuff like this down here. Max from Skullhaus tattoo in Murrietta did this, and I love it! For those of you who have no clue what my tattoo is, it's the recent dinosaur that was discovered not too long ago. I'm calling it my spirit animal and man avoidant
JaneDoe?
I've been spending a lot of time at my moms. She's done with chemo week one! She got her bloodwork done and everythings great so far. She compares the chemo feeling to something like a severe flu. No nausea this time around, but many bone pains. She's doing well and handling it, I'm very proud of her. Healthy food (although shes not allowed anything raw, everything cooked) and lots of walking
Lots of bunny time with my stepchild
And discoveries
Hope everyone in the US is celebrating the great news and hope everyones having a great week
Be prepared for "In My Place" shot by the amazing Dwam
Next month, lets get SOMETHING on the front page, yeah?
Aren't you spoiled, you already get to SEE ME NAKED
"Slow Tease" by Sean has been in member review for almost a year right? I think it's time to say goodbye to it soon. I feel it's time to say goodbye to member review as well. 
Some more news, my mothers cancer is being researched because her type was rare. With the false hope of not doing chemo, she was let down and we drive up for her first dose this 30th. It's so odd, everything revolving around her happens on holidays, a birthday, or some other coincidental day to make you wonder if someones just playing a trick on her. We will be spending Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years holding her hair back in the toilet and making sure she pays her bills on time. She still wants to be a part of society, but it looks like I'll be working for her for a while. There are good parts to this I mean. She'll be done with cancer, and we get to spend a lot of time together. She needs me there, and my mom is my best friend so it's not too bad. Plus, our baking kitchen is half her house and we get to get our business license (hopefully) January first.
I think it's time for my instagram pictures.
Bagel use to be my rabbit. He hates me so I gave him to my mother, who he loves because they are both crazy. Rabbits don't really notice when you put things on top of their heads.
and just for good measures, here are some photos Venom took oh so long ago. I do miss hanging out with those ladies.
Have a great weekend!
It was one of the funnest days I can remember, and I really really enjoy doing things like this. I hope this is my future.
Aside from that, here are random pictures.
I've been watching a lot of Game Of Thrones. All I can think about is Venom and this beautiful set:
Be prepared, as this in the the queue:
"In my place" by the lovely Dwam
That's it for now. In a week or so my mother goes into chemotherapy. We're having a head shaving party at the bar which means I'll be bald for a little while. I'm sure you'll see pictures of that coming soon. I have a canker sore in the back of my mouth and I feel like I'm getting some sort of flu which is near impossible right now because I can't be sick. The business is being developed and will be launched in January when the AB1616 law goes into effect. Aside from that, I slept all day yesterday and I think today I'll do the same. Have a great monday!
I've been watching too much sci-fi. My biggest fear is waking up to find out everyone is out of food. Why must I obsess about it even in my sleep?
My mother is almost fully recovered. They took her drains out this week and her scars are beautiful
I've been sanding cabinets, whispering to the grass to grow, and setting up the Sugar Junkies kitchen all in the process of catering to my mothers desires. Luckily, her desires include things like going outside while I smoke pot and making coffee. We bought a juicer that is my new best friend. Every lunch I consume beets, carrots, apples, celery, and every other fruit or vegetable you can think of. Why don't people just do that? It's the tastiest thing ever.
I'm still not smoking, it's been about 6 months I think. My boyfriend started using the Joy EGo, the same thing I used to quit. He's "not quitting" but hasn't bought a pack in two weeks, which is a goddamn miracle because he's destined for cancers. He's also introduced one of our heavy smoking friends to it that's going to give it a try. I highly recommend buying an e-cigarrette, even if you're not trying to quit. After the first few days you get use to it, and after the first few weeks you'll most likely prefer it. Really, it's one of the best decisions I've made. With COPD as well as cancer history, I'm not the best candidate for tobacco. It gives me more of an excuse to smoke pot not anyway
With that being said, think about this:
