RIPSXSW08

I hate live music. I know, right? I have a pretty Jewy reason behind it, too. It's too loud, you have to scream in the ear your mates just to tell them you're going to the bathroom, it's hell to get a drink and get back to your spot and i never know what to do with my hands. I feel so awkward and like everyone can tell i'm not REALLY enjoying myself and everyone's thinking, 'what's wrong with her? I mean- who doesn't like music?'

But i do like music. I even like loud music. But i like having control over it. Nevertheless, i hadn't been out in awhile and it's always fun to scheme on the visiting hipsters so i ventured downtown Saturday night on the peak night of South by Southwest. I was determined to do everything inmy power to go to a good bar without being subject to an indie show. Beauty Bar was wristbands only and Mugshots was hosting the ME televsion party. Black and Tan was confusing and i wanted to wait until my friend Wendy got there at 11. Sheila Suicide was at Cedar Door but i think something got lost in transmittance because we never met up.

Creekside looked promising. No line and nothing but a harmless jukebox playing. I go outside to enjoy a stolen cigarette and engage at least 3 superhot hipsterboys. It was a good twenty minutes before i turn myhead to the left and realize that i wasn't a record playing but actually real live rappers and like Jurassic 2 out of 5. That's how oblivious i am to live music.

I'm talking to Hipster Tyler and this girl is making out with his friend and keeps trying to rope him in. I make light of the threeway sex they will have later which opens the door for Hipster Not Ironically Effiminate (oh, let's call him...) Evan to be a total creepfest and make weird half joking invitations to Tyler and i. He slaps my thigh and asks me to make out.

'Look buddy, the jury's still out on your sexuality.'

'You think i'm gay?'

'I think you're ridiculous.'

Tyler informs me his friends want food. I'm invited but i want more booze.

'Have fun with the A-Framing.'

Eventually i run into a girl i know and we contemplate a drug run and head for Black and Tan. More drinks, more girls, more hipsters. I meet Russell's boss. I meet Russell's boss' wife. I just remember she was blonde and what she looked like from below sitting on the edge of the toilet. I think Russell lies a lot more than i care to think about. Maybe that's unfair.

I have lots of fun with Wendy and all her gorgeous friends. At some point a band starts playing in another part of the bar. I'm so happy i don't care. Chris Groaner shows up but someone steals him before i get to hang out with him at all.

At home i shed my gold hotpants and green leopard print tights. I'm in a men's american apparel shirt by the time Russell returns from locking the door and i'm already to asleep to fuck. Oh well.


I may hate live music, i may hate tourist traffic, and sometimes i may even hate hipsters. But by god, sxsw sure put a jolt in the bedroom of me and Austin Nightlife.


Sunday? Well, Sunday we were back to benevolently ignoring each other through the morning paper.




me and wendy