hey guys!!

i'm kinda ' out of the darkness' AGAIN!....hahaha....
have some plans for the nearby future..

in 3 weeks i'm moving to the other side of the country.....
and....will work on my ideas for a new set!!

the waiting will be rewarded!......

promise..... fuck the hurry and/or the rush.... it will be worth it <3

cheers!!

just a lil update;

check out my website it's all about my photography
www.claire-esmeijer.com

and i started a new job in the care and treatment of homeless people and drugaddicts

there are some new things going on for me!!

*im back into photography (im shooting)
*im working again as a piercer in my former shop
*im closing down my therapy
*im more balanced and happy
*im going to meet my brother for the first time!
*im trying to get my social life together
*im working out again to get my body back in shape for a next photoshoot (not sure when)

here are some recent pics of me:
love to all



my work:

arrggghh....havent been here for ages *shame*
i had a really busy time with the movement from amsterdam to the haghe.
and some other bad news...me and my boyfriend lost our baby during my 3 months pregnancy.
thats really tough after you've seen the heart beating of your little one on the monitor.
but there were some complications, so it had no chance of a good life.
so here i am now feeling down and empty.....

not really good inspiration for a next shoot or something..first me time, then comes fun again.

take care
xoxo

whoohoo.... i finally moved!
i moved back to my hometown the haghe. i really missed it!
my neighbours have chickens in the garden and there are kids playing on the street
fuck amsterdam ha!

started the gym agian. oefff...
and i miss my lovely girl deborah
she's still in london.. damn girl..

and my internet is still off...hmmrr

i really have to do a new set or something, but im soo fuckin lazy :s

arrgggg

heya all

whiiiii....things are finally going well again, same old, same old....
but still a bit strange because of the situation. im not used to have spare time, and it makes me feel akward.
but im learning a lot about myself and how to handle myself.

i wish i had more exciting things to tell, but my life is pretty boring right now
but..i found love again ha...and that makes me happy. to know that more people can make you happy, and not to linger in the past. to forgive and go on. it whas a hard lesson, but i learned so much. great knowledge.


im spending not as much time in amsterdam than i would like mehh...that sucks bigtime.
soo yes most of the time im in the haghe. not seeying friends as much as i would like. oww how i wish everything whas back to normal again!!!


xoxo

hey all

im not so good in updating...such a slacker
spending most of my days in the haghe with my mum
im starting daytime therapy right now, and im scared
but it will be for the best. im almost 24 right now, and im sick of getting those motion sickness all the time
i dont like to "" complain"" oww wel thats how it feels..
but i just have trouble with being happy. nothing new, but its something i have to change
tired of drugs or other things that i thougt would cure. havent done any drugs now for a while.
and its not getting easier of worse. its just the same
my ex is coming to holland the 18 of may. i just wished he knew how much he hurts me by asking if we can still have a wine together. i dont want to. he should know.
im over it...but he reminds me, about that time.
that time that i was lost. i hate him. and im feeling much better now
yeahh...much better. wasting wasting wasting wasting....away?
nehh..i deserve better. i do better. i am better
owww i dont like this.

im off

goddamnit...my exboyfriend just sended me songs he recorded with his band about us.....
i just feel like crying now.... FUCK IT....
i dont want to feel this, but i have to.

i soooo hate this feeling